


Scars Make Us Who We Are

by PsychoGlambertLIVE



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Adam - Freeform, Allen - Freeform, Anger, Are, Cheating, Confusion, Drama, Hurt, Isaac - Freeform, Issues, Joe - Freeform, Katri - Freeform, Koskinen, Kris - Freeform, Lambert - Freeform, Leila - Freeform, Love, M/F romance, M/M, M/M/M romance, Make, Monte - Freeform, Multi, Other, Pittman, Ratliff, Sauli - Freeform, Scars, Sex, Tommy - Freeform, Us - Freeform, Utala, We, Who, break-ups, carpenter - Freeform, m/m romance, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-15
Updated: 2014-03-07
Packaged: 2017-12-11 23:33:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 48,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/804530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PsychoGlambertLIVE/pseuds/PsychoGlambertLIVE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Thanks For Loving Me

**Title of the Series:** _Scars Make Us Who We Are_   **  
**

 **Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

 **Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

 **Pairing:** Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala **  
**

 **Rating:** MA18+ **  
**

 **Summary:** Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

 **Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

 **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

　

**CHAPTER ONE**

 

_Thanks For Loving Me_

　

"FUCK!"

Adam enjoys hearing the screams he can elicit from his two boyfriends; it makes him all the more harder, if that's even possible. He adds another finger to the two he's already got shoved up Tommy's ass. "Scream for me, baby. I want to hear you scream."

"G*ddammit, Lambert!" Tommy's body bucks at the feel of Adam's dry fingers working his tight hole open. "Use some G*ddamn lube for Chr*st's sake! You're fucking hurting me!" Tommy buries his head in Sauli's lap, opening his eyes to see Sauli's cock just a few centimeters from his face. He sticks his tongue out, giving the slit a tiny lick.

"Vittu! Tommy!" Sauli throws his head back, inadvertently falling into his native tongue. "Olkaa hyvä...lisää! NYT!"

"Oh, you want more? Now? Getting kinda bossy aren't we?" Adam grins devilishly, stilling the movement of his fingers in Tommy's ass.

"At least he said please," Tommy pants, trying to recover his composure; but that is pretty hard with Adam's fingers still inside of him. He gives Sauli's cock another lick just as Adam pulls his fingers out, which causes Tommy to scream in pain at the friction of Adam's dry fingers rubbing against his hole.

"Hold on a minute, Tommy Joe..." Adam opens the top drawer of his nightstand that is beside their bed. He rifles around through the handcuffs, floggers, and other sex toys until he finds the lube. He pours a generous amount in his hand, knowing that Tommy loves getting messy--more reason for them to take a shower and fuck again. He slides three of his slicked up fingers inside Tommy again, not giving him any warning.

Tommy moans against Sauli's dick, which is in his mouth at the moment. He loves the feel of Adam working him from the inside out.

"Minä tarvita sinä, Adam." Sauli twists his fingers in Adam's thick black hair. "I need you..." he translates, his Finnish accent thicker than usual. That always happens when he's fucking his boyfriends--he loses all track of his surroundings, caught up only in the desperate need to touch and be touched. "Please!" Sauli leans back against the headboard, spreading his legs open wide.

Tommy crawls between Sauli's legs, sucking his dick all the way. As one, the three men move together until they are all laying down on the black duvet that covers Adam's king-sized bed.

"Open Sauli up for me, Tommy Joe," Adam instructs, his voice husky from the massive erection he is sporting. He needs to be fucked--bad. He hands Tommy the lube.

No need for anything else. They stopped using condoms a while ago, once they determined that this wasn't going to be just about sex. They were all together in this relationship; they loved each other. But they also made sure they got tested before throwing out the condoms--you can't be too careful.

And going bare-back is way hotter than being safe, anyway.

Tommy hands the tube back to Adam. "Slick me up." He couldn't let Adam have _complete_ control.

Adam grins wickedly, quickly pouring the lube in his palm. Grabbing Tommy's hard dick, he runs his lube-covered hand up and down the shaft, making Tommy groan in pure ecstasy. Letting go, he slaps Tommy's ass. "Sauli needs it. Go."

Tommy slips his small body between Sauli's smooth legs and can't help but notice Sauli's cock just _there_ , waiting to be touched. He can't help himself. Before getting in position, he gives Sauli's dick the sweetest, tiniest, softest kiss.

Sauli's whole body jerks up at the featherlight brush of Tommy's lips against his cock, his fingers clutching the duvet so tightly his knuckles turn white.

Tommy puts the head of his dick against Sauli's tight, perfect hole, slowly pressing his throbbing cock into the warm heat. He pushes past the ring of muscles that are squeezing his dick so tight that it's almost painful. Tommy knows he's hit that spot in Sauli's ass when the Finn cries out, clutching this time at Tommy's arms, which are on either side of his body.

Adam sits back on the bed, enjoying the show that's happening right in front of him. He strokes his throbbing cock, up and down, up and down. Watching his two boys give it to each other turns him onto the point of wanting to come at just the sight. One sun-kissed, the other moon-kissed. One who's cheery, optimistic personality is reflected in the exotic flowers and birds tattooed on his sexy, toned body; and the other, who's dark, sometimes morbid and pessimistic take on life is glimpsed through the greyscale horrors marking his tiny, alluring body.

Two very different people, who's only common wish is to please Adam; yet, somehow, they complement each other perfectly, and are as close as any two people could be to one another. He could never ask for anyone better than these two men who willingly give themselves to him, no questions asked, no doubts ever crossing their minds as to the strangeness of this relationship.

Sauli and Tommy's cries bring Adam back to reality, making him realize he was stroking his dick while he was daydreaming. Crawling across the bed, he gently rests his hand on Tommy's lower back. "I think he's ready. He's gonna come if you don't stop, Tommy. Tommy. Tommy!" Adam finally shouts in an effort to stop Tommy's deep thrusting into Sauli.

Tommy pulls out, collapsing in Adam's arms, shaking. Adam pulls Sauli into his embrace, holding them both tightly.

"We're ready, Adam," Sauli whispers, out of breath.

"Okay, you're okay. Adam's going to make it all better." Adam nuzzles each of them, running his hands through both of their blonde locks: Sauli's soft curls and Tommy's thick fringe. "You were both so good for me...So good to me..." Adam murmurs, gently laying Sauli down on his side, then Tommy in front of Sauli. "I'm gonna work ya 'til you're totally blown..." Adam sings softly, sexily, making them all laugh. He takes his place behind Sauli, resting a hand on his boyfriend's tanned hip. "Go ahead, Sauli..."

Sauli climbs on top of him and touches the head of his erected cock against Tommy's hole, gently pushing inside.

Tommy gasps when Sauli's cock pushes inside him, past the tight ring of muscles, hitting that spot that makes him see stars. Sauli slowly starts pulling out, then pushing back out, again and again; the head of his dick hitting that sweet spot every time, right against his prostate.

Tommy's gasps are the only sounds in that bedroom; until Adam settles himself flush against Sauli's back and enters him with one deep thrust. Then Sauli's cries join Tommy's, their two voices mingling.

Adam starts the rhythm, in and out, in and out. Slower, then faster. Whenever Adam thrusts into Sauli, it travels through to Tommy. The three move together as one, waves of pleasure and ecstasy rolling through each of their bodies.

Sauli comes first. Shutting his eyes and crying out, he shoots hot cum deep into Tommy's ass. The feel of Sauli's sticky warmth inside of him throws Tommy off the edge. He can feel his orgasm start in his lower back, feel it travel to his overly-sensitive cock. Tommy gasps as his dick clenches and then releases, his cum spilling all over his stomach and the duvet. He collapses into Sauli, trying to calm his fast-beating heart.

Seeing Tommy's cum all over the bed, Adam feels himself losing control. His measured, even thrusts into Sauli turn erratic, losing all sense of rhythm. Adam can feel his orgasm coming. "Oh, God," he moans, just as he explodes in Sauli, filling his boyfriend's ass with his thick, hot cum.

"Ride it out, baby," Tommy whispers, suddenly by Adam's side, his hands lightly cupping Adam's hips.

Adam reaches climax, shaking slightly when the intense vibrations fade away. Slowly, he pulls out, his dick covered in the sticky wetness of his cum. He collapses on the bed, spent, pulling his two boys close to him, one on each side. He kisses each of them in turn, gently running his hands through both of heads of blonde hair. "I love you both so much," Adam murmurs into the darkened room.

"I love you, too, Adam," Sauli and Tommy echo in perfect harmony, which sends them and Adam into a fit of giggles.

That night, they fall asleep cuddled together, Tommy and Sauli wrapped in Adam's warm arms. Sometime during the night, Adam groggily wakes up to the cool air on his naked body. Pulling the covers out from under his boyfriends, he settles back down between the two, the blankets encasing the three of them.

Before falling back asleep, Adam whispers, "I love you guys. There is nothing else in this world I could ever wish for. Thanks for loving me..."


	2. No Escaping When We Start

**Title of the Series:** _Scars Make Us Who We Are_ **  
**

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

**Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

**Pairing:** Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala **  
**

**Rating:** MA18+ **  
**

**Summary:** Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

**Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

**Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

　

**CHAPTER TWO**

 

_No Escaping When We Start_

 

　

Adam wakes up to the smell of coffee, an empty bed, sunlight streaming through the windows, and a dull ache in his lower abdomen, telling him he better make a run to the bathroom. Climbing out of bed, he grabs his pajama pants from floor where they were tossed last night, pulls them on, and pads quietly down the stairs.

He finds Sauli in the kitchen, along with Tommy, which is unusual for the latter. Adam is always up before Tommy in the mornings. Sauli's standing at the marble counter, fixing his breakfast drink in the blender and, Finnish customs shining through, sipping his coffee from a saucer. Tommy's sitting on the counter next to Sauli, drinking black coffee from his favorite mug; _The Exorcist_ is printed on it in what is a creepy immitation of dark red blood. A bottle of whiskey is beside him.

"Morning, Sunshine." Adam wraps his arms around Sauli's waist from behind, giving him a peck on the back of his neck.

"Morning, Adam," Sauli replies, craning his neck around to smile at his boyfriend.

Adam steps over to Tommy, taking his face between his hands and giving him a chaste kiss on the forehead. He clears his throat, raising his eyebrows at the whiskey. "At nine in the morning?"

"What? I don't even get a 'Morning, Pretty Kitty' before you start on my drinking?" Tommy pouts, widening his brown eyes innocently and looking up at Adam through his thick lashes.

"Good morning, Pretty Kitty," Adam says obligingly. "But you know I don't like you drinking this early. You're not, um, having another..." he trails off.

"No! I'm having a perfectly fine day. Did you notice the duvet was gone?" Tommy asks, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah...What did you do with it?" Adam takes the cup Sauli hands him and gingerly sips the steaming liquid. Just the way he likes it, dark chocolate flavored coffee with the perfect amount of milk mixed in.

"Washer. You do not want to see it," Tommy answers, looking at Adam through his silky blonde fringe falling in front of his eyes. "We made a mess last night." He grins wickedly at Sauli.

"WE?" Sauli retorts. "I think the mess came from you, Tommy Joe!"

"But I wouldn't have made the mess if it weren't for you two fucking it out of me last night!" Tommy hops down off the counter, grabbing the bottle of whiskey, and goes over to Adam, who is now sitting at the kitchen table. Setting his mug on the table, Tommy takes his place on his boyfriend's lap.

Adam shifts uncomfortably from Tommy's weight pressing on his bladder. "Uh...Tommy, sweetie, could you, um, move?" Adam grimaces uncomfortably.

Immediately, Tommy's face falls. "What?!" he screeches, causing Adam to clamp both hands over his ears. Tommy's eyes start to tear up.

"Uh-oh..." Sauli mutters.

"Calm down! I just have to go to the bathroom! And it's making it worse when you sit on me!" Adam wraps his arms tightly around his boyfriend's waist.

Suddenly, Tommy's hurt look turns to one of arousal. "Ohh...I see..." Giving Sauli a suggestive grin and cocking an eyebrow, he starts rotating his hips and presses his ass into Adam's lap--hard.

"FUCK!" Adam leaps up, knocking Tommy off, and clutches his crotch, a pained look on his face. "You almost made me friggin' piss myself!"

Sauli looks at Tommy, who looks at Adam, who looks at both of them. Shock registers on Adam's face. Tommy licks his lips.

"You wanted me to piss myself!" Adam accuses Tommy.

"Well...not yourself so much as wanting you to piss on me, but..." Tommy shrugs.

Sauli grabs Adam's hands in both of his. "Please Adam? You haven't gone since last night, right?"

"You guys," Adam sighs, exasperated. "Come on."

"Oh, we'll come alright!" Tommy pinches Adam's ass as the three men walk upstairs to the master bathroom.

Adam pulls Tommy through the bathroom door, Sauli following close behind. "You asked for it, Thomas..." Adam strips his black t-shirt and pajama pants off, revealing his bare ass.

"Where'd your boxers go?" Sauli asks, coming up to his boyfriend and stroking a finger down the length of his cock. "Naughty..."

Tommy turns the shower on and grins at Adam and Sauli, who are kissing passionately. "Let me in!" He whips his clothes off and snuggles his naked body between Adam and Sauli's.

They all stand like that for several minutes, touching and kissing, until Adam can't ignore the ache in his bladder any longer. Sauli's clothes are thrown off and they all manage to stumble into the shower, eager to give each other what their bodies are telling them they need. It's a damn good thing that when Adam was looking for a house to buy, he was thinking of his boyfriends and the size the shower would need to be if they were all going to fit in it.

Tommy grabs Adam's dick, rubbing his thumb over the slit, making Adam buck into Sauli. "How bad is it, baby?"

Adam throws his head forward, wrapping his hand around Tommy's, which is still holding Adam's cock. "Bad," he gasps.

"Let us fuck it out of you," Tommy demands, squeezing Adam's dick.

"I don't know if I can hold it..." Adam whimpers, his bladder threatening to betray his mind, which is telling him _not yet_. He isn't even really erected, despite being in the shower with the two people who always turn him on--no matter what. Adam knows he won't be able to hold it much longer before it just comes out without him wanting it to. He also knows that that is exactly what Tommy wants.

"When I get you hard you won't have to go as bad." Tommy's brown eyes gaze into Adam's blue ones pleadingly.

Adam can see the arousal in those eyes that he's looked into for the last three years; as a friend, as a sexual partner, and now as the boyfriend who he loves with all his heart and soul.

Sauli places his hands on each of Adam's hips, pulling him into the spray from the showerhead.

Adam moans, the feeling to let it all out stronger than ever. His eyes widen in alarm when he sees Tommy bend down and take nearly his whole length into his open lips. "Tommy! Don't!" Adam gasps, unable to stop the small amount of urine from leaking into Tommy's mouth before he clenches his muscles tighter. "Sorry!"

Tommy narrows his eyes wickedly, sliding his mouth tortuously slow down Adam's cock. Tommy stands up, making sure Adam's eyes are locked with his own before he swallows loudly and grins like a Chesire cat. "Yum." He cocks a dark eyebrow, daring Adam to say something.

Adam's mouth drops open. He can feel himself harden, yet at the same time, he is horrified, repulsed even. How could Tommy possibly be turned on by Adam pissing in his mouth? But he is. He knows that look that is plastered on Tommy's face at this very moment. What the hell? Might as well go with it. "Fuck me."

Tommy grins widely, elated. "With pleasure." Pushing Adam into the wall so his back is to them, Tommy grabs Sauli's hand and whispers in his ear. "Double penetration. He'll get such a hard-on, he won't be able to piss until he comes." Tommy quickly gives Sauli a kiss, all tongue.

Sauli presses into Adam's back, giving him a wet kiss on his neck before pushing his cock inside Adam's tight hole. He goes in slowly, allowing Adam a chance to get used to the burning stretch. Sauli thrusts gently, eliciting little moans from Adam.

At the same time as Sauli's working Adam, Tommy is pecking little kisses all over Adam's wet body. Starting at the top of his head, Tommy's lips make their way down to Adam's mouth, kiss their way down his neck, then to his chest, over his stomach, finally reaching their destination at his erected dick.

At the feel of Tommy's lips on his throbbing dick, Adam gasps loudly, biting his bottom lip. His fingers curl against the cool tile of the shower wall, where his burning face is resting. "More..." he growls, not satisfied at the slow pace his boyfriends are setting.

"That's what we were waiting for." Sauli pulls out half way, thrusting back in hard. Again and again, in and out. Everytime hitting that spot in Adam that makes his vision go black around the edges.

Just when Adam thinks he's going to come, Sauli slides out. Adam lets out a small cry at the emptiness he feels. He starts to turn around, but is stopped when Tommy roughly pushes him back into the wall.

"You're gonna get it now, Lambert," Tommy whispers deeply in his ear.

Sauli touches the head of his cock to Adam's hole, moving over slightly so Tommy has room. Sauli pushes his dick in, just as Tommy positions his next to Sauli's. Sauli pushes deeper, ever so gently, while Tommy slides in next to him.

"Wha-what are you guys do-ohh..." Adam stammers, fighting the urge to scream at the burning pain that shoots through his ass and all the way up his spine.

Sauli and Tommy continue pushing into Adam, filling him, slowly stretching him. Tommy has to hold himself back from shoving his dick all the way up Adam's ass and thrusting erratically; after all, he doesn't want to actually hurt Adam. But the friction between his dick and Sauli's is making it hard to control himself; and by the look on Sauli's face, he is having the same problem. Tommy grabs Sauli's hand, threading their fingers together, and reaching out, clasps Adam's hand in his other. Sauli does the same, so that all three of them are linked. Tommy squeezes Adam and Sauli's hands, letting them both know that this is it. Tommy smiles to himself. "There's no escaping when we start..." he teasingly whispers, his lips brushing Adam's ear gently.

Adam swallows audibly. "Please..." he begs. "I want it..."

Tommy gives Sauli's hand another squeeze.

Sauli starts the slow rhythm, Tommy matching his pace. Each the time they pull out and push back in, Adam cries out at the pain. In the warm water and the heat coming from their bodies, all three of them lose themselves, just focusing on the feeling of loving and being loved.

Sauli and Tommy slam into Adam, pulling out and pushing back in, increasing their speed with each thrust.

Adam can feel the tension building in his back and dick. "You guys, I-I'm gonna...come-" His sentence is broken off by Tommy's cry. Adam drops his head, letting go of his boyfriends' hands to brace himself against the shower wall as Tommy, then Sauli, both shoot streams of hot cum in his ass. Adam takes it all, breathing through the pain of being double penetrated and the incredible feeling of both of his boyfriends coming inside of him. Adam moans as Tommy and Sauli slowly pull out of him, the friction of their cocks against his tight muscle causing even more pain. But Adam likes it, the pain.

Tommy twists his long, pale fingers in Adam's dark hair, yanking his head back forcefully. He grabs Adam's throbbing, erected dick, running his hand up and down the shaft, squeezing rhythmically, rubbing his thumb over the slit.

"Ohh-ow! Fuck!" Adam thrashes against Sauli, who is holding him from behind. Adam starts pumping his dick into Tommy's hand, gasping when the orgasm starts. His muscles tense, tighter and tighter, relaxing when he releases all the cum from his swelled up dick, streams shooting out, soaking him, Tommy, and the wall.

Tommy roughly pulls Adam's head down to his own, crushing their lips together in a passionate, wet kiss. "Let it out," he whispers seductively.

Adam whimpers, pushing the last of his white cum out. As soon as the erection that had been occupying his mind front and foremost has gone down, the overwhelming urge to relieve his bladder is right there again, stronger than ever. This time he doesn't hold it back. He relaxes his desperate clenching of his lower abdominal muscles, the piss shooting out of his cock. The stream is forceful after waiting so long. Adam sighs, finally feeling better. The cramps in his stomach are starting to subside, even while he is still going.

Tommy swallows loudly, getting turned on again from watching his boyfriend piss. He wedges his body between Adam and the wall, wrapping his skinny arms around Adam's neck.

Adam continues pissing, even though Tommy is in front of him and is now getting sprayed. By the look on his boyfriend's face, Adam doesn't think he minds too much. Tommy always had his weird kinks. Burying his head in Tommy's shoulder, Adam pushes the head of his cock against Tommy's stomach, his piss running down Tommy's dick and legs and into the shower drain.

When he's finally done, Adam leans heavily against Tommy, Sauli still pressed into his back. They stay like that for several minutes before Adam wriggles out from between them.

"Let's get out of here before our skin is permanently pruned." Adam cracks a small grin at his two boyfriends, grabbing the shampoo from the rack on the shower wall. Soaping up and rinsing off, Adam steps out, wrapping himself in one of the monogrammed fluffy black towels hanging on the wall. Sauli and Tommy step out of the shower soon after, both having wrapped the black towels around their waists.

Adam grabs his vanilla-scented lotion out of the vanity, handing it to Tommy, knowing how much Tommy likes rubbing it into his skin for him.

Tommy takes the bottle, squeezing the sweet-smelling lotion into his hand. He massages it onto Adam's freckled back, pecking little kisses along his neck.

Once Tommy's done, Adam gets up off of the floor where he was sitting and grabs his makeup bag. He's powdering his face when he hears his phone ring. Walking into the bedroom, he picks up his iPhone from the nightstand. Glancing at the caller I.D., he sees it's his manager, Marc White. "Hey, Marc," he answers, tucking the phone between his shoulder and ear, going back to the bathroom.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! I TRIED CALLING YOU 47 TIMES IN THE LAST HOUR _AND_ _YOU DIDN'T ANSWER_!!!" Marc's voice bellows through the tiny speaker, nearly shattering Adam's eardrum.

"CALM THE FUCK DOWN!!!" Adam shouts back, equally loud, using his powerful singer's lungs to get it out.

"WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?!" Marc cuts him off.

Adam presses his lips together, pissed now. "I was in the fucking shower! You got a problem with that?!"

"FOR AN _HOUR_?!"

"FINE! YOU WANT TO HEAR IT? I WAS FUCKING _MY BOYFRIENDS_!!!" Adam rifles angrily through his makeup bag, pushing it aside bitchily when he can't find his eyebrow pencil. Like he really needs to listen to his fucking manager scream at him after he just had the most enjoyable time in the shower with his boys.

Tommy and Sauli share a look, kind of scared at seeing Adam so angry all of a sudden. Adam was usually pretty chill; but if you somehow managed to get on his bad side--watch out.

"Oh. Well. I didn't need to hear _that_ ," Marc says, a little more calmly now that he knows that Adam wasn't off doing something sordid to attract the attention of the paparazzi, or that he wasn't in danger from some crazed lunatic who has him on their death list.

"Yeah. Happy?" Adam replies bitchily, still pissed. Spotting his eyebrow pencil on the floor next to the vanity, Adam picks it up and begins filling in his eyebrows thickly with the dark brown/black pencil; otherwise, his face is so _bare_ without his eyebrows done. Seeing a few stray hairs under his brows, he takes out his leopard-print tweezers and yanks them out.

Marc goes on talking, choosing to ignore Adam's diva moment. "Listen. You need to get your ass down to my office. Today. I'm getting a radio tour set up for you for a couple of days and I need your input. We're all down here waiting. So don't be taking your sweet old time getting glammed up, 'cause we don't give a shit what you look like. Well, right now at least. You got thirty minutes. Be here or else." The line clicks off.

Adam tosses the phone down on the edge of the sink. He grabs a black liquid eyeliner pen and starts lining his eyes.

"Gonna tell us what that was about?" Tommy's standing at the other side of the double-sink vanity, layering black liner around his hazel eyes.

"Marc." Adam unscrews a tube of mascara, swiping the wand through his lashes. Repeating with a different mascara, he glances up at Sauli and Tommy. "He's such an ass. Be here in thirty minutes; yada, yada, yada. Whatever. I'll get there when I get there." Puckering his lips, he wipes a thin layer of nude gloss on, followed by a layer of clear. "He wants me there to set up a radio tour."

Tommy immediately stops, setting the tube of lipgloss he had in his hand down. "When." It is not a question.

"Chill," Adam counters, putting his makeup away, not noticing anything amiss. He begins spiking his black hair with gel and hairspray. "He wants me there today."

"No. I mean, when is this tour?" Tommy crosses his arms. Sauli leans against the wall, his eyes on Tommy.

"For a couple of days. I don't know when," Adam answers, not looking up from fixing his hair.

"Well...are we invited?" Sauli asks, trying to disguise the tremor in his voice.

Adam finally looks at them. "I don't know. I have to go talk to them." He walks out of the bathroom.

Tommy and Sauli follow, watching Adam get dressed.

Pulling on a pair of torn black skinny jeans, Adam glances at his boyfriends standing in the doorway, staring at him. He yanks a t-shirt on. "What are looking at me like that for?" Threading a belt through the loops on his pants and fastening a couple of chains around his neck, Adam crosses the room and wraps his arms around his boys. "I'll see what they say. 'Kay?"

Tommy buries his head in Adam's shoulder, nodding mutely. Sauli pecks a kiss on Adam's lips, a bit more optimistic.

Adam runs his hands through each of their damp hair before continuing to 'glam himself up.' He fastens hoops through his ear guages and clips a spiked cuff around his wrist. Slipping into his black leather jacket, he walks out of the second-floor bedroom and downstairs to the front door. He slips his feet into his Converse sneaker/zip-up boot, bending down to zip the shoes. He stands up, only to be tackled by Sauli and Tommy.

"We want hugs!" Sauli cries out, wrapping his arms tightly around Adam's neck from behind.

"And kisses!" Tommy shouts, snuggling into Adam's chest and circling his arms around his waist.

Adam laughs, hugging them both tightly and smothering them with kisses, which then causes an impromptu tickle fight. "Okay, guys, I'm gonna be late." Adam breaks away, grabbing the keys to his BMW.

"You didn't even eat breakfast!" Tommy accuses, trying to buy more time.

"Don't have time. Gotta go. Love you!" Adam shouts over his shoulder as he walks out the door, getting into the silver car that is parked in the driveway.

"And here I was gonna try bribing him to stay with chocolate chip pancakes and sex," Tommy sighs, clutching Sauli's hand.


	3. What Do You Want From Me

**Title of the Series:** _Scars Make Us Who We Are_ **  
**

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

 **Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

 **Pairing:** Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala **  
**

 **Rating:** MA18+ **  
**

 **Summary:** Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

 **Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

 **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

　

**CHAPTER THREE**

 

_What Do You Want From Me_

 

　

Adam pulls onto the freeway, sliding his dark sunglasses over his eyes. He's cruising down I-10 at 75 miles an hour when his iPhone buzzes. Incoming call.

"Hello?" Adam answers, not taking his eyes from the road to look who is calling. He hits speaker so he can keep his hands on the wheel.

"Adam?" a female voice comes back. "How are you?"

He recognizes the voice immediately--his mom. "Hey, Mom. I'm good. How are you?"

"Oh, good. What are you doing, sweetie?"

"Driving." Adam glances in the rearview mirror, seeing a car coming up fast behind him. "I'm going to meet Marc to discuss some upcoming tour plans." Another glance in the mirror shows that the car is still tailing him, nearly riding on his bumper. "Fuck," he mutters, recognizing the SUV as a standard paparazzi vehicle and confirming his suspicions when he sees a guy stick his head out the passenger window and start snapping photos with an expensive camera. "Fucking motherfuckers!" He presses the gas pedal harder, the speedometer climbing--75, 80, 85.

"Adam! What is going on?!" Leila demands, sounding shocked at Adam's raunchy language.

"Fucking paps are right on my back bumper." Adam swerves into the next lane, cutting between cars and causing some drivers to blare their horns or flip him the finger. Yet the SUV is still right behind him.

"Adam! Slow down before you get in an accident! Oh, be careful!" Leila's voice is trembling. "I'm hanging up so you can concentrate on driving! Be careful, Adam! Call me back!"

Adam jabs his finger to the screen, ending the call. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," he mutters, slamming his hands against the steering wheel. "G*ddamn fucking motherfuckers!"

Seeing an exit ramp coming up, he comes up with an idea. He keeps his car one lane over and, right at the last minute, without flicking his turn signal on, Adam veers in front of the car beside him to get onto the exit that will take him off of the freeway. He watches in his mirrors as the SUV speeds past the ramp, the pap with the camera flipping him the finger and shouting something.

Adam breathes out a sigh of relief, coming to a stop behind a long line of cars at a red light. He speed dials his mom.

"Are you alright?!" Leila exclaims as soon as she picks up.

"Yeah. I lost them." Adam crosses the intersection, turning onto a different ramp to get back on I-10. "Assholes were snapping photos the whole fucking time."

"Well, I'm glad you're okay." After a slight pause, Leila continues, "Anyway, I was calling to ask you about the radio tour. Monte had mentioned it to me last night."

Ever since Adam's mom and Monte Pittman had started dating, Leila always knows what is going on in Adam's life. At least the business part of it. Adam could not believe it when Monte asked him if it was okay to take his mom out. Adam was a little disturbed at first--his mom and Monte? Dating? But he told Monte he did not mind them dating since he did seem kind of lost after his divorce with Lisa. And he knew his mom was lonely from her separation with his dad. He could not say no. And now Monte and his mom are together.

"Yeah, I don't really know anything about it. That's why they wanted me to come down to talk it over with them." Adam, seeing his exit coming up, switches into the right lane.

"Monte was saying that the tour was this coming week. I think he said Tuesday. I'm not sure," Leila goes on.

Monte is now Adam's tour manager; he had stepped down from the position of guitarist in Adam's band a while back. Adam asked him to take over the job after he had his former tour manager--Marc White--promoted to manager. (If you can call that a promotion-being manager to Adam Lambert is quite the undertaking.) He fired his first manager several months ago; Roy Clark was a real douche-bag. And dangerous, too. After he tried getting in Adam's pants he was no longer trusted. That really scarred Adam; to think that someone he knew for so long, especially someone who basically ran his career, could try hurting him like that was beyond his comprehension. Adam still has nightmares thinking about that day...

 

_He was at a hotel cafe, meeting his manager over lunch to discuss some upcoming TV interviews. After they were done eating, Roy suggested going up to the private suite he always had rented out at the hotel._

_They were not even in the room for ten minutes before Roy started making a play at Adam. He started touching Adam inappropriately, making lewd sexual remarks. Without warning, Roy pushed Adam down on the bed and climbed on top of him. Roy held Adam's arms down, grinding his crotch into Adam's groin._

_"I want to fuck you," Roy said, his breath hot and moist in Adam's ear._

_"Let me go, Roy." Adam struggled against the older man's grip to no avail. "I'm calling the police. Your reputation will be ruined."_

_"Shut up! Do what I say. Or you'll regret it." Roy sat up, pulling a gun out from under the pillow Adam's head was resting on. "Now take your jeans off. Hurry up."_

_Adam's eyes widened in alarm. "Put that down!"_

_"Do it!"_

_Adam kicked his shoes off and unbuttoned his pants, never once taking his eyes off the gun pointed at his head._

_"Take 'em off," Roy commanded, motioning with the gun._

_Adam did as he was told. He was not wearing anything underneath the jeans._

_Roy cocked a bushy eyebrow, grinning wolfishly. "Shirt too."_

_Slowly, Adam pulled his arms out of the sleeves, reluctantly taking his eyes off of Roy to slip the shirt over his head._

_"So those freckles are all over, hmm?" Roy leered, gazing straight at Adam's dick._

_Adam glared at his manager, self-conciously crossing his legs and resting his hands over his lap. He was never self-concious of that part of his body; but when you had some asshole, who you thought was your friend, leering at you like you're his next meal, that can throw your composure out the window. "What do you want from me?" Adam asked him angrily, immediately regretting his choice of words._

_"What do I want from you." Roy's voice was laced with sarcasm. He laughed, knowing he had Adam right where he wanted him. Adam never could stand up to him, especially now that he had a .22-caliber pointed at his head. "Cute._

_"I'll tell you what I want from you," Roy continued. "I want you to open that drawer." he tipped his head toward the nightstand, the gun still trained on Adam._

_Adam stared warily at his manager, suspicious._

_"Now!" Roy yelled._

_Adam obeyed, scared of the gun pointed at him. He looked in the open drawer; a video camera was laying there._

_"Take it out." Roy's voice was low. "Turn it on."_

_Adam could only imagine what Roy wanted to do with that camera. He took it out, flipping the small switch that turned the camera on._

_"Good. Now I want you to set it right there, on the nightstand, and push the button to record." Roy grinned at Adam. "I'm gonna hurt you, Adam. And that camera is going to film everything. Every little scream you make, pleading with me to stop. But you know what? I'm not going to stop. When I'm through with you, you'll be in so much pain you won't be able to walk."_

_"What did I ever do to you?" Adam cried out desperately. His eyes started to tear up and he blinked to hide it from the older man._

_"You? Physically nothing." Roy cocked his head to the side. "But what I can't stand is you prancing around on stage, dancing like some G*ddamn male stripper; grabbing at yourself and licking that motherfucker Ratliff's face._

_"I watch you Adam. Backstage. I watch you do all that." Roy crunched up his face, disgusted. "Do you know how hard I work?!" he screamed, violently waving the gun in his hand. "DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD I WORK TO KEEP YOUR SORRY ASS OUT OF THE TABLOIDS?!"_

_Adam's mouth dropped open, shocked._

_"DO YOU?" Roy grabbed Adam by his shoulders and shook him. "ANSWER ME!!!"_

_"No! I don't know!" Adam could not hold back the tears, one traced a path down each cheek. He was terrified that Roy would kill him._

_"EXACTLY! YOU. DON'T. KNOW!!!" Roy leaned back, breathing heavily. "I try to put a somewhat decent image of you out there for the public. Yet every time I turn around, you do something else I have to cover up! And you know what?! I'm fucking sick of it!"_

_Adam drew back, trying to think of a way out of this._

_"And now, it's payback time. Maybe if I hurt you, it'll teach you a lesson." Roy unbuckled his pants, throwing them on the floor. He pushed Adam down on the bed and jammed his knee between Adam's crossed legs._

_Adam looked up at his manager, who was now on top of him. "Don't do this Roy."_

_Roy laughed and pushed the 'record' button on the video camera._

_Adam could feel Roy's dick pushing against his tight hole. He braced himself for what he knew was coming next; but it did nothing to lessen the pain of being fucked raw. Adam cried out as he was abused, knowing there was nothing he could do to stop it._

 

"-and so I was just asking Monte if he would have to go with you on this tour; and then I was wondering if Sauli and Tommy would be coming too. Adam?" Leila's voice breaks Adam out of his awful memories.

Adam gives himself a little shake, silently reminding himself that it is all over. Roy is locked up and he will never hurt him again. "Yeah. I'm here. Umm...I don't know if they're coming or not. Hey, I'll talk to you later. I just pulled into the parking lot."

"Okay, bye sweetie. Call me later. Let me know what you're plans are. Love you."

 _Yeah, you'll just find out my plans from Monte,_ Adam thinks, saying aloud, "Love you, too, Mom. Bye." Adam ends the call, slipping his iPhone in his pocket. Cutting the BMW's engine, he steps out and walks slowly into the building Marc's office is in, still thinking about Roy. He takes the elevator to the seventh floor, pausing outside the door before knocking.

Adam enters the room and is greeted by his Marc and Monte, both of whom look completely pissed. Shay Clemens, his publicist, does not even bother to look up from the laptop he is typing on.

"Where the hell have you been?" Marc asks, his arms crossed in front of his chest. "I told you to be here thirty minutes ago!"

"Please don't tell me we've been waiting all this time for you doll yourself up," Monte cuts in, earning a snort from Shay.

"The fucking paparazzi were chasing me!" Adam defends himself. "I had to lose them! That's what took me so long." Adam chooses to ignore Monte's crass statement about 'dolling himself up.'

"Are you okay?!" Marc's tone changes, immediately alarmed.

"I'm fine. I'm just lucky I didn't get a ticket, or get in an accident." Adam sits down in a chair across from his managers. "At some points I was going ninety miles an hour down the freeway."

"Adam!" Monte exclaims, his eyes widening in disbelief and shock.

Adam relays the rest of his escapade to Marc, who gets angrier the more he hears.

"I'm going to find out who those motherfuckers are and have them arrested!" Marc picks up the phone, poised to call one of his connections in the business.

Adam stops him, saying, "Forget it for now. I'm here. Let's just get this done with."

Marc and Monte share a look, reluctantly moving on to the tour plans.

 

* * *

"Okay. So we'll leave Monday morning and we'll drive through California, Nevada, and Arizona the first day, stopping at these radio stations." Adam draws his finger along the route that Monte marked on the map.

They have been finalizing the plans for the radio tour for the last two hours and Adam is starting to get a little tired--not to mention hungry.

"Right," Marc replies, typing a note into his iPad. "And Tuesday, we'll continue from Arizona, into New Mexico, and then Texas."

"Colorado, Wyoming, and Idaho on Wednesday," Monte adds.

"Washington, Oregon, and back in California Thursday. And home on Friday," Adam finishes. "So...can I bring Tommy and Sauli?"

"No." Marc doesn't even look up from his iPad.

"You know there won't be enough room in the car for everybody," Monte says in an effort to try softening the blow. "With all the stuff I'm thinking you'll be packing, there will hardly be room for Marc and I."

Adam nods, dejected. He knows that Tommy and Sauli will be upset when they hear this.

"We'll come pick you up Monday morning, six a.m. Be ready." Marc stands up, zipping his jacket on and grabbing his laptop case.

Adam gets up, checking his phone before slipping it in his back pocket. "'Kay. See ya Monday."

Adam leaves the office, dreading the argument he knows he will have to deal with when he gets home.


	4. I Don't Want You To Go

**Title of the Series:** _Scars Make Us Who We Are_

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

 **Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

 **Pairing:** Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

 **Rating:** MA18+

 **Summary:** Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

 **Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

 **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

 

 

** CHAPTER FOUR **

__

_I Don't Want You To Go_

 

 

   Forty-five minutes later, Adam parks the silver sports car in his driveway. Grabbing the coffees he picked up from Starbucks, he steps out of the car and lets himself in the house through the front door. "Tommy! Sauli! I'm home!" he calls out.

   No response.

   Adam kicks his shoes off, walking down the hall to the kitchen. Setting the coffee down, he hears the faint sound of a guitar being strummed, letting him know where Tommy is at least.

   Adam goes upstairs to Tommy's 'bat cave.' Sauli used to call it 'the dungeon' until Tommy pointed out the room is on the second floor and 'the dungeon' didn't make sense. Knocking softly on the door, Adam waits patiently. 

   Tommy opens the door, his lips curling up into a small smile when he sees Adam standing there.

   "Hey, Kitty." Adam takes Tommy into his arms, giving him a kiss on the top of his head.

   Burying his head in Adam's chest, Tommy mumbles something unintelligible.

   The lights in the room are turned low, and the shades are pulled down on all the windows. Tommy's creepy bust of Reagan from _The Exorcist_ is perched on a shelf, the statue's yellow eyes boring holes into anyone who dares enter Tommy's secret hide-a-way. Other movie memorbilia decorates the dark red walls, including a Freddie Krueger hand mounted on one wall holding his favorite guitar.

   Tommy pushes up the sleeves of his black and gray hoodie, picking up the acoustic guitar from off the bed where he had left it. "So, how did it go?"

   Adam sits down on the bed next to his boyfriend, avoiding the question and instead asking, "Where's Sauli?"

   "Running." Tommy picks out a few notes to the _Halloween_ theme song.

   "When did he leave?"

   "I don't know, an hour ago? He should be back any time-"

   Tommy is cut off by Sauli's Finnish accent shouting, "Adam? Tommy? Where are you?" They hear footsteps pounding up the stairs, and then Sauli appears in the doorway. "Can I come in?" he asks Tommy, knowing how protective Tommy is of his bat cave.

   Tommy laughs. "Of course you can come in, silly."

   Sauli's smile is infectious. The three of them cuddle together on the bed, happy to be together again after being so rudely torn apart this morning.

   "So..." Sauli breaks the silence, asking the question that had been on his and Tommy's mind ever since Adam left. "What's going on? Are we invited?"

   "Well...The radio tour starts Monday and ends Friday. And we'll be going through nine states, including California, in four days. I've got a bunch of interviews set up; basically, the tour is just for the promotion of _Trespassing_ ," Adam rambles on, avoiding the latter question.

   Tommy and Sauli both listen intently until Adam takes a breath, and then Tommy jumps in.

   "Well, then I guess Sauli and I better start packing...What time are we leaving Monday morning?"

   Adam sighs, hanging his head down. " _I'm_ leaving at six in the morning. I'm sorry, guys." He pulls his boyfriends into a hug. "I have to do this alone." Adam stands up, his face crunching up in sadness. He bites his lower lip.

   Tommy's eyes widen, hurt. "What?" he barely manages a whisper, his throat is so tight. "Don't you need me to play guitar?"

   "Why can't we come?!" Sauli tries not to whine, knowing Tommy is going to do enough of that for both of them.

   "It's just interviews and CD signings; I'm not scheduled to sing. And there is not enough room in the car. Monte already told me. I asked him! There's nothing I can do!" Adam presses his lips together, pissed at both Monte and Marc for doing this to him. "It's only for a few days; I'll be back before you know it."

   Tommy crosses his arms, immediately retreating into the hood of his sweater like a spider that does not want to be seen.

   Sauli stares at Adam, his lips formed into a perfect pout. "Don't do this to us, Adam! He's going to get in one of his moods as soon as you leave, and I won't be able to get him away from that bottle the whole time you're gone!" Sauli hisses, jabbing his thumb in Tommy's direction.

   Adam sighs again, crawling back onto the bed and settling himself between his boys. "We'll Skype every night, I'll call you every morning, afternoon, and evening, and I'll text you between every interview. You'll be so sick of me, you'll be turning your phones off just to get some peace and quiet."

   Tommy's expression remains stoic, alreading drawing into the shell he puts himself into when he feels the world is out to get him. He buries his head in Adam's shoulder, nodding mutely. "I don't want you to go. But if you have to...Okay."

   That surprises both Adam and Sauli; they didn't think Tommy would agree that easily.

   "I'll be fine." Tommy gives Adam a small smile in an effort to convince him. "We'll be fine."

 

* * *

 

   Tommy wakes up Saturday morning, pulling the pillow over his head to block out the sun. Then he remembers that Adam will be gone in two days. He grabs his iPhone from the nightstand, thumbing out a text.

_-Whatcha doin?_

 

   The reply comes back instantly.

 

_-Talkin 2 the sexiest guy I kno ;)_

 

   Tommy grins, immediately cheering up.

 

_-Very funny, Isaac_

_-I'm serious._

_-Haha. Adam's leavin Mon. a.m. 4 a radio tour. Me & Sauli hav 2 stay home. _

_-U want me 2 come over when he's gone?_

_-Not when Sauli's home. I'll come 2 ur place, kay?_

_-I can't wait._

 

   Tommy glances at the doorway before ending their conversation.

 

­ _-Me neither. ttyl, xoxo Tommy_


	5. By The Rules

**Title of the Series:** _Scars Make Us Who We Are_

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

 **Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

 **Pairing:** Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

 **Rating:** MA18+

 **Summary:** Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

 **Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

 **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

 

 

** CHAPTER FIVE **

__

_By The Rules_

 

 

   The weekend passes quickly; and before Adam knows it, it is Monday morning. The sound of a car horn is blaring outside, telling him Monte and Marc must be in the driveway. The doorbell rings.

   "I'm coming, I'm coming!" Adam picks up the two duffel bags he packed the other day, opening the door to find Monte poised to knock. Adam raises his eyebrows, irritated already. "What the fuck?!"

   "Let's go! It's a quarter to six!" Monte grabs the bags from Adam, tossing them in the trunk of the car. "Hurry up and say your goodbyes."

   Adam gives him a dirty look, walking back inside to kiss his boyfriends. He takes Sauli in his arms, whispering in his ear, "Keep an eye on Tommy; try not to let him dwell on my abscence." Adam kisses his boyfriend on the lips before moving onto Tommy and wrapping his arms around him.

   "Be good, Kitty." Adam plants a kiss on Tommy's lips, his tongue tracing along his boyfriend's bottom lip. "I love you both so much," Adam says, pulling both of them into his arms. "I'll talk to you guys later. Love you!" With one last, longing look, Adam climbs into the back seat of the car.

   Tommy and Sauli watch as the car drives away, standing there and holding onto each other until the car is long out of sight.

   "Well, I'm going to go play my guitar for awhile." Tommy glances up at Sauli, knowing that Adam had told him to keep on eye on him.

   Sauli looks longingly outside, where the sun is shining brightly. "You wanna go swimming instead?" he asks hopefully.

   Tommy shakes his head. "You go ahead. I'll be fine." At a look from Sauli, he adds, "I won't drink either. Or get in one of my moods."

   Sauli chews on his lip, thinking. "Okay...I'm gonna go running. But I want you to go swimming with me later. 'Kay?"

   "Yeah. Okay. See you later, Sauli." Tommy pecks a kiss on Sauli's mouth, giving him a small smile to reassure him. He looks back one last time to see Sauli watching him with a brooding look on his face before continuing up the stairs.

   Fifteen minutes later, Tommy glances out the window to see Sauli jogging down the street. He picks up his phone, searching his contacts for the number and hitting 'call.'

   "Hey, sexy," Isaac answers.

   "He's gone. Can I come over?" Tommy picks at the calluses on his finger tips, biting off the skin that is peeling up. Adam hates it when he does that.

   "Of course," comes the reply.

   Tommy grins, relieved. "See you in a few." As soon as he hangs up, he jumps in the shower, quickly washing up. Adam had made love to him and Sauli last night, wanting to be as close to them as possible before he left. Throwing on a pair of purple, skin-tight jeans, a striped black and gray hooded shirt, and his leather jacket, he lines his eyes in thick black eyeliner, grabs his car keys, and is out the door in thirty minutes.

   He speed-dials Sauli as he backs his Mustang out of the driveway.

   "Tommy? Are you okay? What's wrong?!" Sauli sounds out of breath, more likely from his nervousness about Tommy than from running.

   "Relax!" Tommy flicks his turn signal on, making a right-hand turn. "I'm going out for awhile. I need to buy guitar strings and I'll probably swing by my sister's place to say hi, since her house is on the way to the music store. I'll be back in a few hours, 'kay? Love you!" He hangs up before Sauli has any chance to protest. He does feel a little guilty about lying to Sauli on where he is heading off to, but, then again, when does he ever play by the rules?

   Tommy pulls the sports car into Isaac's driveway ten minutes later.

   Climing out, Tommy raises his hand to knock, but drops it when the door opens and Isaac Carpenter grabs his arm, pulling him into the cool, quiet house. Tommy wraps his arms around Isaac's waist, looking directly in his eyes--seeing as they are the same height--a slight grin on his face.

   Isaac rests his forehead against Tommy's, tightening his grip on the other man. "I've missed you, Tommy Joe."

   Tommy searches Isaac's blue eyes, replying after a moment, "I've missed you, too, Isaac Carpenter."

   A wide smile spreads across Isaac's face. He leans in, planting his lips on Tommy's.

   Tommy responds immediately to the kiss, moving his mouth with Isaac's. His tongue slides out, tasting Isaac's lips. They explore the inside of each other's mouths, their tongues melding together warmly. Tommy puts his hands on the back of Isaac's neck, pulling their heads closer.

   Isaac threads his fingers through Tommy's belt loops, yanking his hips to his so they are touching. Tommy grinds his growing erection into Isaac's equally growing bulge. They run their hands up and down each other's bodies, wanting more.

   Tommy's blonde fringe is falling in his eyes, making him look a little wild. Gasping as Isaac slides his hands in the waistband of his boxers, which are showing from his low-slung jeans, Tommy does the same to Isaac, running a finger inside the tight elastic.

   "Ohh..." Isaac groans in Tommy's ear. "You smell so damn good." Isaac almost laughs when he looks at Tommy's face, the hair lying every which way in his eyes. "You're like my little sex-kitten."

   Tommy's eyes widen. "Sex Kitten. I like that name." He smiles, joining their lips together again.

   "Okay, Kitten." Isaac grins at the new nickname for his friend.

   _Adam calls me Kitty and Isaac calls me Kitten. Perfect,_ Tommy thinks happily. He loses himself in kissing Isaac then.

   Suddenly, Isaac grabs Tommy's hands, where they were cupping his jean-clad ass. "I want you, Tommy. Come on." Isaac heads to his bedroom on the second floor of his house, pulling Tommy along behind him.

   Tommy kicks off his creepers, laying down on Isaac's bed and pulling his bandmate down on top of him.

   Isaac's hands travel down to Tommy's waist, looking into his eyes to silently ask permission. He unbottons Tommy's jeans, yanking the zipper down, desperate to feel Tommy's skin on his.

   Tommy wriggles out of the pants, slipping off his boxers at the same time. They undress each other, sharing kisses in between throwing off clothes. Completely naked, they press their erections together. Tommy moans as Isaac bites his ear, his tongue licking at his multiple piercings.

   Isaac wraps his hand around Tommy's length, pumping up and down, slowly jacking Tommy off.

   Tommy lifts his hips up off the bed in response, loving the feeling of Isaac's warm hand surrounding his throbbing dick. "Isaac," Tommy whispers, his voice thick with want.

   Isaac grins as a wicked idea pops into his head. Without breaking his hold on Tommy's dick, he reaches into a drawer in the nightstand, pulling out a pair of shiny silver handcuffs. He dangles them on one finger in front of Tommy's face, letting the meaning sink in. He has had experience with Tommy's kinks.

   Tommy licks his lips sexily, instantly feeling himself harden even more at just the mere thought of being cuffed to the bed and having this incredibly sexy man fuck him senseless.

   "You like that, don't you?" A slow smile spreads across Isaac's face. He snaps one side of the handcuffs on Tommy's wrist, the other side to the bedpost. Grabbing another pair from the drawer, he attaches that set to Tommy's other wrist and the bedpost opposite the first.

   With his arms stretched above his head, Tommy wiggles around on the bed, getting more comfortable for what he knew was coming. It was not like they never did this before; they had quite a bit of experience with each other.

   Isaac stares down at Tommy's cock sticking up in the air, practically begging to be sucked. Isaac presses his lips to Tommy's in one last, sweet kiss before they both become uncontrollable. Trailing kisses down Tommy's chest, Isaac scratches his fingernails gently down his bandmate's side, sending shivers up and down Tommy's body. Isaacs's lips finally reach the base Tommy's dick. He licks a wet trail down the shaft, from base to head, giving the slit a tiny kiss.

   Tommy bucks up, wanting more. He yanks at the cuffs, frustrated he cannot grab Isaac's head and shove his cock in that pretty little mouth. He settles for using his legs to lift his hips up instead.

   Isaac watches in amusement as Tommy writhes beneath him, knowing he is getting ticked; the whole reason for the handcuffs--more sexual tension. "You'll get them off soon enough. But for now, you'll have to take it at my pace." Isaac laughs at Tommy's expression; he looks like such a _girl_ when he pouts like that. Without warning, he grabs Tommy's dick, pumping it hard. Enough shitting around.

   Tommy gasps with pleasure, moving in sync with Isaac's hand. "Isaac...Get the cuffs off me...I want to touch you..." he pants, groaning when Isaac rubs his thumb back and forth across the head of his dick.

   Shaking his head, Isaac answers, "I'm gonna make you nearly come before I even think of taking the damned cuffs off. Right now, this is for you, Tommy."

   Tommy pulls at his bonds in vain; they will not break. The cuffs are not cheap metal, made precisely with the thought of 'no escape' in mind. Giving up, Tommy lets Isaac work him.

   Reaching into the nightstand again, Isaac takes out the lube, coating his fingers with it. He slides two fingers inside Tommy's ass, scissoring them. He spreads his fingers apart as he pulls them out, eliciting moans from Tommy. Pushing back in, he adds a third finger and twists, stretching the tight muscle open. Looking at Tommy's dick covered in pre-cum, he can feel his own dick start leaking.

   Tommy's breathing quickens as Isaac's fingers hit that spot in him repeatedly with aching regularity. "Isaac...I'm gonna...come..." Tommy thrashes his head back and forth, his hair flying in face.

   Unable to take it anymore, Isaac slides his fingers out of Tommy, lubing his dick up--no condom.

   The first time he tried using a condom, Tommy had stopped him, saying he wanted "to feel him without anything between them." Whatever. Worked for him.

   He lifts Tommy's legs over his shoulders, exposing his small hole.

   Tommy whimpers at the sudden loss of fingers, until he feels Isaac press the head of his cock against his ass. Tommy thrusts his hips forward, wanting to feel Isaac's dick filling him. Wanting to forget the pain of Adam leaving.

   Isaac pushes into Tommy, past the tight rings of muscle squeezing his erected dick, touching that spot deep in Tommy's ass. Grabbing Tommy's hips, Isaac thrusts in, pulling back out just as quickly and starting a frantic rhythm.

   Tommy cries out, loving that Isaac knows just how he likes it--hard and fast. He wants so badly to stick his own fingers up Isaac's ass at the same time; but he can do nothing except take whatever Isaac gives him. Hell, he can barely _think_ when Isaac keeps hitting that spot in him, pushing right against his prostate. "Isaac...it's..."

   Before Tommy can finish his sentence, Isaac slides out smoothly, whipping the cuffs off Tommy's wrists. He winds his fingers in Tommy's long hair, yanking his head back roughly and smashing his mouth against Tommy's full lips in a warm kiss.

   "Finally!" Tommy growls, wrapping his arms around Isaac's neck, digging his chipped black fingernails into his skin. His dick pressing against Isaac's stomach reminds him of how badly he needs to be fucked. Reaching between their sweaty bodies, Tommy wraps his hand around Isaac's cock, giving it a gentle tug. He rubs his thumb over the slit, knowing how much that turns the drummer on.

   Isaac, without breaking their intense liplock, shoves his dick into Tommy easily, giving his hips a little roll. Isaac continues exploring Tommy's mouth while creating a steady rhythm with his dick.

   With every thrust, Tommy can feel himself start to lose control. The orgasm begins in his lower back, then travels to his balls and dick, which tense, desperate for release. He knows he will not be able to hold it much longer.

   Isaac can see Tommy losing it; hell, he can _feel_ Tommy losing it. And that makes his own cock crave the same. He digs his fingers into Tommy's thighs, his own orgasm taking over.

   With one final cry, Tommy reaches climax, shooting cum all over his stomach, Isaac's chest, and the bed. Tommy shudders, pushing the last drops out. He clings to Isaac, pulling him closer, knowing that Isaac needs to come. All it takes is Tommy running a single finger down Isaac's back and circling his tight hole, and Isaac is coming all over in his ass.

   Isaac groans, filling Tommy's ass with hot cum. His thrusts lose all rhythm as he comes, the intense vibrations taking over.

   Tommy holds onto Isaac, running his fingers through his dark hair. He knows he is going to be sore when this is over, but damn if he gives a shit. "Ride it out, baby." He bites the space where Isaac's neck meets his shoulder, leaving his mark on the drummer.

   Isaac falls on top of Tommy, exhausted. He pulls his dick out slowly, not meeting any resistance. He kisses Tommy sweetly, his tongue twisting with Tommy's.

   "Mmm..." Tommy smiles up at Isaac. He cocks an eyebrow. "That was hot."

   Isaac laughs. He cannot help it--Tommy looks so adorable with his eye make-up slightly smeared and his hair in complete disarray.

   Tommy brings his mouth to Isaac's, kissing him heavily. They are startled out of the frantic kisses by the buzz of Tommy's iPhone. Tommy sighs, picking it up off the floor and glancing at the screen.

   Adam calling.

   Tommy eyes widen in alarm. He shows the phone to Isaac before rolling out from under him. He stares at the screen, debating whether or not to let it go to voice mail. If he does not answer he will have to make up an excuse later.   
   "Hey, Adam," Tommy says into the phone, holding a finger to his lips to make sure Isaac is quiet.

   "Hey, Kitty." Adam's voice comes through the speaker, sounding very far away. "Whatcha doin'?"

   Tommy closes his eyes, trying to will away the tears. "I'm at the music store." He pauses, swallowing. "Buying strings for my guitar."

   There is laughter in the background. Tommy can hear Adam's laugh.

   "Is Sauli there with you?" Adam questions, paying attention to Tommy again.

   Tommy presses his lips together, a little pissed off at his boyfriend. "No," he replies shortly, not offering any other explanation.

   Adam is quiet for a minute. "Well...where is he?"

   "At home. Running." Tommy takes hold of Isaac's fingers, which are touching the inside of his naked thigh. "Listen, Adam. I have to go. I'll call you later. Bye."

   Tommy hits 'end call' just he hears Adam start to protest. He turns the phone off so him and Isaac won't be bothered.

   Isaac raises his eyebrows.

   Tommy drapes himself across the bed, cocking his head and giving Isaac a sexy look. "Fuck me."

  


	6. Just The Way It Is

**Title of the Series:** _Scars Make Us Who We Are_

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

 **Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

 **Pairing:** Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

 **Rating:** MA18+

 **Summary:** Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

 **Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

 **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

 

 

** CHAPTER SIX **

__

_Just The Way It Is_

 

 

   Adam lays his head back, closing his eyes. He is sitting in the backseat of the car, on the way to the hotel for the night. The day was crazy; radio interviews and CD signings, along with impromptu 'meet and greets.' And then dealing with Tommy's shit. What was that all about anyway? He thought Tommy would _want_ to talk to him. He sure hopes that Tommy is not going to be in one of his moods for the rest of the week.

   "Adam? Are you listening?" Monte's voice jolts Adam out of his thoughts.

   "Huh?" he asks dumbly.

   "I said, are you hungry. You want something to eat?" Marc taps his hands on the steering wheel, glancing in the rearview mirror at Adam.

   "Oh. Yeah. Where do you want to eat?" Adam checks his phone for the fifth time since they left the last radio station. No messages from Tommy. He really should call him back, question him on what his deal is. He puts the phone back in his pocket; he will Skype both his boyfriends when he gets to the hotel.

   "I don't care. Wherever you want to eat is fine. Either the hotel bar or one of these restaurants." Marc waves his hand at the various places to eat that they are driving by.

   Adam stares out the window at the lights flashing by. He does not really feel like going anywhere. "Let's just eat at the hotel. I'm tired. I've been up since five."

   Monte glances at the clock on the dashboard. 8:47. "I've been up since three."

   "Hotel it is." Marc replies.

   Once they arrive at the hotel and get all their bags up to their rooms, Adam collapses on the king-sized bed in his suite. Monte is on the couch, typing on his phone; while Marc is sitting in a chair at the small table, his laptop open in front of him.

   "Okay," Marc says after a bit, shutting the computer. "Let's go grab something to eat."

   Adam cracks one eye open, scrunching up the rest of his face to focus on Marc. "How 'bout you just get me something?" He tries using his sweetest, most innocent-looking smile. "Please?"

   Marc is not amused. "Get up off of your lazy ass."

   Sighing, Adam sits up, slipping his shoes back on. "I need vodka."

   They take the elevator down to the bar. Inside it is dark and music is pounding, the bass low and heady. There are quite a few people already there, having drinks and food. They choose a secluded table in the back of the bar, where less people are likely to recognize Adam.

   A waitress walks over to their table, glancing up at them from her tablet. "What can I get..." the waitress' voice trails off as her gaze rests on Adam. She swallows audibly. "Adam Lambert...oh my God! It's so nice to finally meet you!" she gushes. "I've been to a bunch of your concerts, but I never got meet and greets! Oh my God! I can't believe your here!" She gives an excited little jump, completely ignoring Monte and Marc, who do not look too happy over this turn of events.

   "Hey," Adam says, getting up out of his seat and glancing at the name tag pinned to her shoulder. "Leah. Nice to meet you, too." He wraps his arms around her shoulders in a hug, practically giving the girl a heart attack.

   "This is so cool! I love you, Adam! You're my favorite singer in, like, the whole world!" Leah grins up at her idol. "Can I have a picture with you?" She raises her eyebrows hopefully.

   "Of course!" Adam grins back.

   Leah whips her phone out of her back pocket, holding it out at arm's length and smashing the side of her face up against Adam's. They both smile widely as she snaps the photo. "Thank you so much, Adam! Hey, Monte!" she exclaims, finally noticing Adam's former guitarist sitting at the table.

   Monte waves and mouths _hi_ in response.

   Suddenly realizing that she is supposed to be taking their orders, Leah exlaims, "Oh my God! I'm so sorry! What do you guys want to eat?" She hurries off to the kitchen once she has taken the guys' orders.

   "That's exactly what I was hoping to avoid," Monte says, sighing.

   Adam shrugs. "Told ya you should of brought my food up to my room. But I don't mind. She was cute." Adam takes a drink out of his water glass.

   "And here I thought you were gay," Marc replies drily.

   Giving him a dirty look, Adam cracks back, "Doesn't mean I can't admire a woman's body. Her hair was a pretty shade of blonde."

   "Yeah. We know you have a thing for blondes, Adam." Monte grins suggestively.

   Adam frowns, trying to look disapproving. "Ha ha. Funny."

   After they eat dinner, Adam heads over to the bar to get a drink. He does not look anybody in the eye, trying to keep a low profile. It works. Nobody recongizes him--so far. He is sitting at the bar drinking his third vodka cranberry when someone taps him gently on the shoulder.

   "Adam?" a male voice questions hesitantly.

   Turning around, Adam is shocked speechless at who he sees sitting on the barstool right next to him--Kris Allen. "Kris!"

   "Hey, Adam! I thought that was you!" Kris' mouth turns up at one corner in his signature grin. "How are you?!"

   "Good! How are you?" Adam wraps his arms around Kris in a hug. "I haven't seen you in forever! What are you doing in Phoenix?"

   Kris laughs at the flurry of questions that fly out of Adam's mouth. "I'm good. I'm on a radio tour-"

   "No way! I'm on a radio tour, too!" Adam cannot believe Kris Allen is _here_ , sitting right next to him. At least now he will have someone to hang out with for the rest of the night.

   "Really? What's your schedule like?" Kris takes a swig out of the beer he is holding.

   "Tomorrow we're hitting a few more stations in Arizona, and then New Mexico and Texas." Adam signals to the bartender for two more vodka cranberries.

   "Are you stalking me?" Kris jokingly asks Adam. "That's where I'm going tomorrow."

   Adam's mouth drops open. "Awesome! Our managers must have planned this behind our backs--scheduling our tour dates the same."

   The bartender sets the drinks down in front of Adam, staring at both men before turning to serve another customer. Adam knows they've been recongized. He pushes one of the glasses over to Kris. "You need something stonger than beer."

   "I don't..." Kris starts, the stops himself. "Okay. Thanks."

   "So what other states are you in? And what hotels are you staying in?" Adam pulls out his iPhone to compare schedules with Kris.

   The two men talk for awhile, catching up. It is after eleven before Adam decides to go up to his room. Monte had texted him half an hour ago to tell him that him and Marc were going to bed. "You want to come up to my room for a little bit?" Adam puts a few bills on the bar. "I've got it," he adds when Kris protests at the twenties Adam has laid down.

   "I didn't mean for you to buy my drinks," Kris says as they leave the bar.

   "It's nothing." Adam shrugs it off.

   It takes a couple tries for Adam to slide the key card through the automatic door lock. There is only one dim light on in the room. Adam sits down on the bed, grabbing the TV remote. He pats the space beside him.

   Kris sits next to Adam on the bed, laying back to rest on his elbows.

   Adam stares at Kris reclined back. _He is so fucking sexy...God, I wish he wasn't married. And that he was gay._ Adam smirks. _But he's not, Adam. Get a hold of yourself._ "You want something to drink?" he asks.

   "Nah. I'm good. I don't wanna be hungover tomorrow when I'm supposed to be on the road." Kris smiles at his friend.

   Adam kicks off his shoes. "So...How is everything? Katy at home all alone?"

   Kris swallows. "Yeah," he says quietly. He averts his eyes.

   "Kris?" Adam is concerned. "I don't mean to pry, but, umm, is something wrong?" He puts a hand on Kris' shoulder.

   "Katy and I are..." Kris pauses. "We're having problems," he finishes, sighing.

   "Oh, no. Kris, I'm so sorry to hear that," Adam rubs Kris' back.

   Kris smiles wanly. "We're not sleeping in the same bed. She is completely pissed off at me." Kris runs a hand through his brown hair.

   "Oh, Kris." Adam hugs his friend. "It'll be okay."

   Kris nods. "Yeah." He does not sound convinced. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

   "Don't be stupid! Of course I'm going to worry about you! You're one of my best friends!" Adam pulls Kris into him for another hug. Adam looks slyly at him, joking, "What did you do?"

   Kris cannot help but laugh. "Adam. You're a nosy bitch."

   Adam feigns a hurt look, sticking his lower lip out in a pout. "That was rude."

   "You know I didn't mean it like that. C'mere." Kris crawls closer to Adam until the tips of their noses are touching.

   Adam looks into Kris' hazel eyes, which are staring intently into his own--not even inches away. _I think he's had too much to drink; because, he is definitely flirting with me. And I always know when someone is flirting with me._

   "Because I've wanted to do this ever since we met." Kris runs his tongue across his top lip.

   It takes a minute for Adam to realize that Kris is answering his previous question of why Katy is mad at him. He swallows audibly. "What did you want to do?"

   Kris leans in even closer, tilting his head slightly. "This," he whispers.

   Adam's eyes flutter shut; and then Kris' lips are meeting his, and it is the most amazing thing ever. He dreamed of kissing Kris when they met on Idol; but he gave up that hope when he found out Kris was straight _and_ married.

   Their mouths move together, sending shivers up and down Adam's whole body. Kris presses his hand on Adam's thigh, wrapping his other hand around the back of his neck. He pulls Adam's head closer, deepening the kiss.

   Adam threads his fingers through Kris' hair. His pants are so tight, it is almost painful. Adam opens his mouth, pushing his tongue past Kris' lips. Kris responds a little hesitantly, his mouth opening slowly. All Adam really wants to do is push Kris into the bed and rip his clothes off; but, he tones it down, not wanting Kris to freak. Adam bites his friend's lower lip before sucking Kris' tongue into his mouth.

   Kris gives Adam one more small kiss, then pulls away gently, smiling shyly at Adam. "That's what I wanted to do."

   Adam swallows hard. He glances down at the front of Kris' jeans, confirming his suspicions of what Kris really wants. And he is sure his own lap is not looking any better. "That's why...you and Katy are...fighting?" Adam whispers. "Because you wanted to do _that_?"

   Kris nods mutely, avoiding Adam's steady gaze.

   "How did she even know that you wanted to kiss me?" Adam is baffled.

   Kris shrugs. "I...don't really want to, umm...talk about it. I better go." He gets up off the bed, heading toward the door.

   Adam is up in a flash. He grabs Kris' arm, spinning him around. "No. You don't just kiss me and then leave. It's just the way it is." He stares down at Kris standing right in front of him, less than a foot away.

   "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." Kris tries pulling away, but Adam is too strong.

   Adam's mouth sets in a tight line. "No. I guess you shouldn't have." His stare hardens and turns icy. Walking back to the bed, he turns the TV on and starts flipping through channels.

   Kris watches Adam, his heart breaking. Now, not only is Katy pissed at him, but so is Adam. He goes back to the bed, sitting down gingerly beside his friend.

   "Why are you still here?" Adam demands, his sharp tone causing Kris to wince.

   "I'm sorry Adam. Please don't be mad at me." Kris bites his lip, upset at himself.

   "I'm not mad." Adam's voice softens. "I just don't understand why you kissed me in the first place." He mutes the TV.

   Kris sighs. "I've wanted to do that ever since I met you. Kiss you." Kris takes Adam's hand in his. "And lately, I've wanted to do a lot more."

   Adam's eyebrows shoot up at that last statement. Kris is stroking the top of his hand with his thumb, driving Adam crazy with need.

   "And Katy found out. About me wanting you. And how much I want you. And in what ways." Kris finally looks up at Adam, guilt evident in his eyes.

   Adam holds Kris' gaze. "You don't know much I've longed to hear those words, Kristopher. 'I want you.'" Adam's smile is bitter. "But it never will happen-"

   Kris kisses Adam, effectively cutting off the rest of his words. He pushes him down on the bed, climbing on top of him and straddling his hips.

   Adam kisses him back, not used to being manhandled. He is usually the one in control--not the other way around. Although, it is incredibly sexy having Kris spread out on top of him, flush against all the right places.

   Kris groans. He can feel Adam's erection through his pants. Trying to calm himself down, he pulls away, rolling off of Adam and cuddling into his side. "I better go before we do something that..." Kris trails off.

   "Something that..." Adam turns on his side, facing Kris and putting an arm around him.

   "Something that I really want to do...with you." Kris ducks his head, slightly embarassed.

   "Something that I really want to do, too, Kris," Adam replies.

   Kris pecks a chaste kiss on Adam's full lips before wiggling out of Adam's hold on him and standing up. "I'll see you tomorrow night. Bye Adam."

   Adam watches Kris leave. Rolling over on his stomach, Adam wonders what this could mean. Why would Kris kiss him? Why, all of a sudden, does Kris want to have sex with him? And what does this mean for their friendship?

   Laying in bed, he cannot shake the feeling that he forgot something. Pushing it out of his mind, Adam falls asleep that night thinking of Kris and what will happen tomorrow night.

   He completely forgets to call Tommy and Sauli.

  


	7. I'm Lost Without You

**Title of the Series:** _Scars Make Us Who We Are_

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

 **Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

 **Pairing:** Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

 **Rating:** MA18+

 **Summary:** Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

 **Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

 **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

 

 

** CHAPTER SEVEN **

__

_I'm Lost Without You_

 

 

   Tommy is in his bat cave when he hears the doorbell chime.

   "I'll get it!" Sauli calls loudly from downstairs. About a minute later, Sauli starts shrieking.

   Tommy rushes down the stairs, thinking Sauli is getting murdered by some hit-and-run maniac who has it in for Adam. He stops in his tracks when he realizes Sauli's shrieks are shrieks of joy--not uncontrollable fear. _He is so dramatic!_ Tommy thinks.

   The front door is wide open. Sauli is clinging to some guy, who is standing just inside the foyer. Tommy is a little confused as he recognizes Katri Utala and Sauli's twin sister, Saara, holding travel carry-ons. A cab is parked on the side of the street.

   Sauli releases his hold on the guy, turning around and seeing Tommy, runs over to him, grabbing his hand. "Tommy! Katri and Saara are here! And this Heikki Kauppinen!" He waves a hand towards Heikki. He drags Tommy over to the other man. "Heikki, this is Tommy Joe Ratliff."

   Of course Sauli doesn't say exactly _who_ Tommy is; nobody knows about their three-way relationship except very close friends and certain family members.

   "Hei! Hauska tutustua!" Heikki grips Tommy's hand, giving him a friendly shake.

   Sauli laughs, placing a hand on Heikki's shoulder. "He doesn't know Finnish; although, I have been trying to teach both him and Adam! Not working, though," he says the last part in a stage whisper, laughing again. Turning to Tommy, he translates, "He said, 'Pleased to meet you.'"

   Tommy smiles a tight-lipped smile, shaking Heikki's hand in return. "Hey," he replies in way of greeting. "Nice to meet you, too."

   "Hei, Tommy!" Katri holds out her arms for a hug. "So good to see you again!"

   Tommy hugs her back, still wondering just who this Heikki person is. Katri had come to the States to visit a couple of months ago. "Good to see you, too, Katri." He pecks a friendly kiss on her cheek. He turns to Saara, wrapping his arms around her in a hug. "Hey, Saara, nice to see to you." Looking up, Tommy sees Sauli whispering in Heikki's ear, his arms wrapped around the other man's waist. Tommy narrows his eyes suspiciously. "Well, let's get you guys' bags in the house," he says loudly, effectively jarring Sauli out of smiling conspiratorially at Heikki.

   "Oh! I'm so rude! Come on, I'll show you to your rooms." Sauli grabs Heikki's hand, pulling him along behind him. Looking over his shoulder, he tells Tommy, "Help Katri and Saara carry their bags."

   Tommy purses his lips, taking care not to let Katri or Saara see that he is pissed. First, Sauli brings a guy-- _a guy!_ \--into not his home, but _Adam's_ home. Second, he thinks that he can just order Tommy around without even telling him these people were coming. And then he goes off with said guy, leaving Tommy to entertain _his_ guests. Adam is _so_ hearing about this.

   Tommy picks up the girls' bags. "C'mon. You can stay in one of the guest rooms upstairs."

   "Did Sauli tell you we were coming?" Katri asks from behind Tommy. "Because you seem a little surprised to see us."

   Tommy raises his eyebrows. "No, he didn't."

   "Oh. He must have forgot." Katri bites her lip, worried. "I hope we are not intruding."

   "No!" Tommy turns around. "Not at all." Under his breath, he mutters, "Not you and Saara at least."

   "Where is Adam?" Saara questions.

   "He's on a radio tour." Tommy sets their bags down in the hall. "I suppose Sauli didn't tell you that."

   Katri and Saara share a look. "No. He didn't," Katri answers.

   "Well, you can stay in these two rooms," Tommy says, changing the subject. He motions to both rooms across the hall from each other. Tommy notices the door to the third guest room is shut.

   As both women take their respective bags into their rooms, Tommy pulls his phone out of his pocket. Seven new texts. All from Isaac. He thumbs out a short reply.

 

_-I'll call u 2nite. Have 2 deal w/ Sauli right now._

 

   Slipping the phone back in his pocket, Tommy knocks lightly on the open door so as not to surprise Katri when he walks into the room.

   Katri looks up from her suitcase that she is digging in. "I really am sorry for barging in to your home like this. Sauli told me that it would be okay to stay here."

   "You don't need to apologize." Tommy sits down at the foot of the bed, patting the spot beside him. Katri sits next to him. Tommy sighs, getting up the nerve to ask the question that has been on his mind ever since their Finnish guests arrived. "So...are Sauli and Heikki related?"

   Katri's eyes widen. "He did not tell you?" Katri looks away, her teeth worrying her bottom lip.

   Tommy frowns. "No..."

   "Heikki is Sauli's ex-boyfriend."

   Tommy's mouth drops open. "What?!" he finally sputters. "Then why is he _here_?!" _And what are they doing right now?_

   Katri sighs, bracing herself. "Heikki wants Sauli with him. That is why he came here. To win Sauli back." 

 

* * *

 

   "You can stay here in this room." Sauli turns around to find Heikki standing less than a foot away from him. The door to the room is shut. Sauli takes a few steps, closing the space between him and the other man. Sauli looks right into Heikki's eyes. He always loved the color of those eyes, the depth in them. The way he could lose himself in those beautiful grey eyes. Slowly, Sauli reaches a hand up, running his fingers through Heikki's long blonde hair. God, how he missed playing with that hair as they had lain in bed together in the mornings after they spent the night showing each other how much they loved one another. Sauli's gaze travels down to Heikki's mouth. And those lips; God, those lips. How those warm lips could always make his heart flutter each and every time they touched his own.

   Heikki places his hands on Sauli's waist, pulling him into his chest. "Sauli," he murmurs. "I have missed you so much."

   Sauli swallows. "I have missed you also, Heikki." Sauli places his hands on Heikki's strong chest, which is ripped, so much like his own. He gently pushes Heikki away from him, putting some distance between their bodies. "I have a boyfriend." _Two, actually; but he can't know that. Or can he?_

   "But he is not here." Heikki cocks his head, raising a blonde eyebrow.

   Sauli clears his throat, preparing to let another person in on their secret. "Yes. Actually, _one_ of my boyfriends _is_ here. Tommy Joe." The shock is evident on Heikki's face; Sauli can see it.

   "Wha-what do you mean? _One_ of them is here?! Tommy Joe is your _boyfriend_?!" Heikki sputters. "What about Adam?"

   "Adam, Tommy, and I are in a relationship. All three of us. Together." Sauli collapses on the bed.

   Heikki sits next to him. "How does that work?" he asks, genuinely confused, yet interested at the same time.

   "I don't know. It just does." Sauli looks over at Heikki, the vulnerability visible in his bright blue eyes. "Like, Adam is away on tour right now; so, Tommy and I spend time together by ourselves. And then there are times when Adam and Tommy will have their alone time, and the same works for Adam and me."

   Heikki furrows his eyebrows. "I don't want to pry, but, how do you have sex? You do not have to answer that if you do not want to."

   Sauli smiles to himself. "It's okay. I am not shy--you should know that by now." He grins at Heikki. "We have sex together. Three-way. It's very hot." Sauli bows his head, trying to act contrite.

   Heikki looks away. _No matter what Sauli says, it is not right. He is not getting the attention he deserves. I've seen the way Adam and Tommy act together on stage._ But he doesn't say any of that. "Sauli. Are you happy?"

   Sauli widens his eyes. "Of course I am happy! Why wouldn't I be?"

   Heikki puts his arms around Sauli, pulling him in for a hug. "I am simply curious," he replies.

   Sauli turns his head, finding Heikki's mouth inches from his own. He swallows audibly. Tilting his head slightly, he touches his lips to Heikki's. Sauli's eyes flutter shut, his mouth moving against Heikki's slowly, gently. Heikki's lips part, his tongue tracing Sauli's bottom lip. Sauli wraps a hand around the back of Heikki's neck, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss. Heikki slides Sauli's legs across his own, tugging Sauli into his lap. They stay like that for a while, just kissing, remembering the days when they were each other's 'forever.'

   It is Sauli who breaks the kiss first. Leaning his forehead against Heikki's, he whispers, "Remember the time we fell asleep looking at the stars?"

   Heikki smiles softly. "How could I forget? And what happened that night?"

   Sauli grins back. "Yes," he murmurs. That was the night they had sex for the first time. Before each other, they each had had boyfriends--but nothing serious. And they weren't virgins either. But the way Heikki had made him feel that night, it was like nothing Sauli had ever felt before. They had been inseparable, until The Fight. (As Sauli deemed it in his head, considering it was one of his most awful memories.)

   He had always loved Heikki, even after their break-up. But he never thought he would find love again; at least, not like what Heikki and he had had before everything had fallen to pieces. And then he met Adam. That was when he realized that he wouldn't be loveless the rest of his life. His relationship with Adam was one of the most important things in his life now.

   When Sauli had started dating Adam, Tommy and he had hated each other. Tommy thought Sauli was taking over Adam's life, controlling him. And Sauli didn't like the idea of Adam kissing his bassist, even if it was 'just for the fans.' There was a lot of jealousy and anger between Tommy and him that first year. Thankfully, they had become friends, and eventually boyfriends.

   And now, all three of them are in a relationship that is incredibly special. Sure, they have their arguments; but what is important is that they love each other unconditionally--no matter what.

   "Sauli," Heikki begins, breaking Sauli out of his reverie. "Are you okay?"

   Sauli looks at his the man that used to know him so well. "Yes," he says softly. He is suddenly filled with a yearning to feel Heikki again. To feel the love that he knows is still in Heikki's heart. The same love that lingers in his heart also. But he cannot. He is Adam's and Tommy's. He owes that to them. To stay true to his boyfriends.

   Before Sauli can voice his feelings, Heikki cups Sauli's face in his hands. "Sauli. I am just going to say it. I want you back. Because...I'm lost without you."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. I Feel Like I'm Losing Control

**Title of the Series:** _Scars Make Us Who We Are_

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

**Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

**Pairing:** Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

**Rating:** MA18+

**Summary:** Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

**Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

**Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

 

 

** CHAPTER EIGHT **

__

_I Feel Like I'm Losing Control_

 

 

   Sauli watches Tommy take another drink of whiskey straight out of the bottle. Adam would be pissed if he knew he was drinking at two in the afternoon. And he would be even angrier if he knew Sauli is doing nothing to stop it.

   Heikki, Katri, Saara, Tommy, and Sauli are sitting around the table in the kitchen, eating a late lunch.

   Sauli knows Tommy has suspicions about Heikki: who is he, what is he doing here. Sauli cuddles into Tommy, putting his lips to his ear. "I think that's enough alcohol, Kitty. We have guests."

   "Sauli. Can I talk to you? Privately?" Tommy asks pointedly, not even trying to be discreet.

   Sauli gives Tommy a dirty look out of the corner of his eye. "Excuse us," he says to the others, getting up from the table and yanking Tommy by the arm.

   "What the hell was that?!" Sauli pokes a finger in Tommy's chest once they are standing in the hallway. "You were being completely rude! And not only that-"

   "No!" Tommy cuts Sauli off before he can say anything else. "I want to know what the deal is here! You knew they were coming, but 'forgot'-" At this, he makes air quotes with his fingers. "-to mention it to either Adam or me! And I wanna know who this Heikki person is. Who is he, Sauli? Why is he here, in your _boyfriend's_ house? And what the fuck were you doing with him in that bedroom? You had the door locked, Sauli. I tried it." Tommy crosses his arms--hurt, angry, and most of all, confused.

   Sauli can feel the tears begin to pool in his eyes. His lower lip trembles. "Heikki is my ex-boyfriend." He sighs shakily, sitting down on the love seat in the hallway. He covers his now tear-streaked face with both hands.

   Tommy sinks down beside him, wrapping an arm around Sauli's shoulders. Now he feels bad for being so hard on Sauli. "Hey, it's okay. Sauli. C'mon. Don't cry."

   Sauli looks up at Tommy, his eyes wide. "He wants me back!" he sobs, leaning into Tommy.

   Tommy wraps his arms tightly around Sauli, trying to comfort him. "Shh...It'll be okay. He's not taking you back. And he's not going to get you back. You're mine and Adam's--no one else's."

   Sauli lets out a small sob. "I-I kissed him." His voice breaks as he tries to get the words out. "I'm a horrible boyfriend, Tommy!" He buries his face in Tommy's shoulder.

   Thinking of his own 'infidelity,' Tommy rubs Sauli's back. "No, you're not." _If Sauli's a horrible boyfriend, than what am I? I'm having an on-going affair with my boyfriend/boss' drummer. I'm a first-class whore, that's what I am. And Sauli's an angel compared to me._

   "What am I going to do?" Sauli mumbles. He pulls away, suddenly panicked. "What if Adam finds out? Adam cannot know about this! Oh my God--what am I going to do?!" Taking Tommy by his shoulders, Sauli shakes him, terrified of what Adam would do if he knew that his boyfriend's ex was staying at his house.

   "Sauli! Relax!" Tommy gently pries Sauli's hands off his arms. "Calm down. He's not going to find out. Besides, you didn't even do anything wrong!"

   Mouth hanging open, Sauli exclaims, "How did I not do _anything wrong_?! I KISSED MY EX-BOYFRIEND! I _CHEATED_!"

   Tommy slaps a hand over Sauli's mouth. "No, you didn't. He won't find out. You just need to calm down. Do you want your Finn friends coming out here, wondering what all the screaming is about?"

   Sauli shakes his head, Tommy's hand still covering his mouth. Sauli pulls away, whispering fiercely, "What am I going to do?" And then more quietly, in a very small voice, "Do you hate me?"

   Tommy gasps involuntarily, shocked that Sauli would think that he would hate him over such a petty thing. "Of course I don't! How could I hate you? Sauli, I love you more than anything in this world!" Tommy hugs Sauli, holding him tightly.

   "O-okay," Sauli says shakily. "I love you, too, Kitty."

   "Let's go back in there before your friends come to investigate." Tommy starts to stand up, but is stopped by Sauli placing a hand on his arm.

   Sauli looks up at his boyfriend, his baby blue eyes open and innocent. "Tommy. Do not drink anymore whiskey when we go back in there. Please? For me?"

   Tommy sighs. How can he resist those beautiful eyes pleading with him hopefully? "Okay."

   Katri and Saara both look up, trying to hide their worried expressions, when Tommy and Sauli walk back into the kitchen holding hands. Heikki keeps his eyes averted.

   "You guys want to go shopping after lunch?" Sauli asks brightly, sitting back down and taking a drink of milk. He always drinks milk for lunch--one of his Finnish customs. "And then we can go out to dinner somewhere. How about it?"

   Saara smiles, glad to see her twin is back to his normal cheery self. "Sounds like fun. Let's do that."

  

* * *

 

   "How about these? Ya think?" Sauli asks Katri, opening the door of the fitting room and stepping out in a pair of pink skinny jeans. He wiggles his hips suggestively.

   Katri grins. "Definitely. And what about these?" She hands Sauli a pair of leopard print jeggings.

   "Ooh! Lemme try them!"

   "Awesome! You have to get those, also!" Katri exclaims when Sauli comes back out.

   Sauli glances in the mirror at his pert little ass. He looks like he poured himself into the pants; they are _that_ tight. And he can't ignore the way the zipper is straining in the front. Adam and Tommy are going to go nuts when they see him in these--no pun intended.

   "Whoa." Heikki smacks Sauli on the butt as he walks up behind him. "You look hot."

   Sauli whips around, his mouth open. "Heikki!" He can't help but laugh at the face Heikki makes. "You are dirty!" _But I like it._ Sauli realizes that as he watches Heikki retreat into his fitting room. "Get out of there! There are plenty of other dressing rooms you can use!" Sauli doesn't see Katri raise her eyebrows as he follows Heikki into the tiny room, shutting the door behind him. He starts to scold the other man, but stops as Heikki unbuckles his pants, letting them fall to the floor around his ankles. Sauli cannot help but stare at the lump in the front of Heikki's boxers. Recovering his voice, he whisper-shouts, "You have to get out of here! If Tommy sees you in here with me, he'll throw a fit!"

   "Let him," Heikki replies, stripping off his shirt. He pulls on a pair of yellow skinny jeans, admiring in the full-length mirror the way they fit. "I think I love America. You would never get away with this in Finland."

   Sauli sighs. "No, you would not. You can see now why I love it here." Sauli tugs off his own shirt, slipping into a graphic tee he picked out. "Heikki, you really do need to go in a separate fitting room. Tommy would be royally pissed off if he walked over here right now.

   Heikki wraps an arm around Sauli's waist. "I do not think he would be too concerned."

   Sauli looks at him, voice sharp as he asks, "What are you talking about?"

   "He is out there with some guy. They look pretty, uh, how you say it, cozy?" Heikki gazes back at Sauli steadily.

   Sauli nearly flips out. "What?!" he screeches. He flings open the door, rushing out into the store. His eyes scan the heads of all the people shopping until he sees the familiar blonde fringe. Tommy _is_ talking to some guy, laughing with him. Sauli walks over to where the two men are standing, looking through the jeans rack. "Hey."

   Tommy glances up, startled. "Sauli! Hey, sweetheart." He wraps an arm around Sauli's waist, pulling him in for a warm hug. "You look cute. I like those pants." He licks his lip, grinning.

   It is then that Sauli recognizes the dark-haired stranger as Isaac Carpenter. "Oh! Hey, Isaac! I didn't recognize you for a minute there!"

   Isaac's smile is slightly forced, but Sauli doesn't notice. "Hey, Sauli. How are you?"

   "Good." Sauli smiles back politely, still clinging to Tommy. "How are you?"

   "I'm fine." Isaac continues flipping through the rack.

   Sauli studies Isaac, wondering why Adam doesn't like him. Whenever Isaac is around, Adam always seems to be on the edge--pissed off about something. He thinks Adam is being completely unfair; personally, Sauli really cannot see anything wrong with the guy. "Well, I'm going to go try on the rest of my clothes. See ya, Isaac." Glancing around to make sure nobody is watching them, Sauli pecks a quick kiss on Tommy's lips before heading back to the fitting rooms.

   Heikki is sitting in one of the chairs outside the dressing rooms. "Katri and Saara are trying on a few more things. Then they will be ready to go."

   "Okay." Sauli steps into the room, changing back into his clothes and gathering up his purchases. By the time he comes back out, Katri and Saara are waiting with Heikki. "Ready?"

   Nodding, Katri replies, "I am." She holds up a sparkly metallic skirt. The material looks very clingy and very short. "What do you think Sauli?"

   "That's hot." Sauli cannot help but imagine Katri's long legs in the mini skirt. "Are you going to wear it tonight?" _Please do._

   Katri shrugs. "Oh, I do not know." Seeing Sauli's pout, she laughs. "Okay, okay! I'll wear it for you!" She links her arm through Sauli's. "Show him what you are wearing tonight, Saara!"

   Saara pulls a mini dress out of the pile of clothes she's holding. It glitters in the light, and is extremely low-cut.

   "Sexy!" Sauli exclaims. _Too bad Adam isn't here; he would love this little shopping spree. But then again, it's better that he's not here._

   "Katri needs to get a top. And then we have to look for shoes." Saara links her arm through Sauli's other one. "I am glad you took us shopping, Sauli."

   "So am I," Sauli agrees with his twin. "Now, let's get outta here."

 

* * *

 

   The live music in the bar is deafening, the bass especially heavy. Colored lights are flashing, giving the crowded bar a sultry, sexy vibe. Sauli leads Tommy, Heikki, Katri, and Saara to a table in the back. He watches appreciatively as Katri slides her body past his into the semi circular booth. His eyes travel down her toned, tan legs to the stilettos she bought this afternoon. The strappy, peep-toe sandal has a seven-inch heel and complements her skirt very nicely. Sliding in next to her, he puts an arm around her shoulders. "You look beautiful," he whispers quietly in her ear, toying with the spiky earrings hanging from her lobes. He cannot help but glance down at her chest, where her cleavage is on full display. The halter is extremely tight and very revealing. He can tell she isn't wearing a bra.

   Katri smiles a little self-conciously. "Thanks, Sauli. You don't look too bad yourself."

   "He looks very sexy," Heikki pipes in, earning a dirty look from Tommy. Heikki is seated at the end of the booth, Saara between him and Katri. Tommy is next to Sauli, at the other end of the booth.

   A waitress comes up to their table, a notebook in her hand. "What can I get you guys?" Her dark hair is falling around her shoulders in waves.

   Sauli notices Tommy staring at her tiny shorts. Pinching Tommy's side, he hisses, "Cut it out."

   Tommy grins sheepishly back at Sauli. "I'll have whiskey," he says to the waitress. "Bourbon distilled."

   "Apple martini," Sauli cuts in, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend possessively and effectively letting the waitress know Tommy is taken. It doesn't seem to faze the girl, though. She is still staring at Tommy like he's the hottest thing she's ever seen. _I guess she's attracted to gay men,_ Sauli thinks.

   While the others place their drink orders, Tommy gets up. "Gotta take a piss. I'll be right back," he whispers.

   Sauli stares after Tommy's retreating back, disgusted. Why does he always have to be so vulgar? Sauli notices Tommy's iPhone lying on the bench. _It must have fallen out of his pocket._ He sets the phone in his lap, intending to give it Tommy when he gets back from the bathroom. Just as Sauli's about to pick up the dinner menu, the phone vibrates. Reflexively, he glances down. One new message received. 'Accept' or 'Ignore.' Knowing he's snooping, Sauli taps 'Accept.' His eyes widen in shock as he reads the words on the screen.

 

_-I want ur pretty cock in my mouth 2nite, sexy. Come by my place @ 12, ok?  ;)_

 

   The text is from Isaac.

   Sauli nearly drops the phone. _What. The. Hell?_ Anger courses through him. He knows immediately that Tommy is cheating on him and Adam. It's starting to make sense why Adam doesn't seem to like Isaac. Does Adam know Tommy and Isaac are having an affair? Or does he just suspect something? Sauli can feel his eyes start to well up with tears. He takes a drink of his martini to hide his distress. Should he confront Tommy about it? Seeing Tommy walking towards the table, Sauli quickly slips the phone back on the bench beside him. He watches out of the corner of his eye as Tommy picks up the phone and slides into the seat.

   A flicker of confusion, and then fear, crosses Tommy's face before he masks it with his usual 'I don't give a shit' expression. The incriminating text is still open on the phone's screen. Tommy swallows hard and takes a long drink of whiskey. He doesn't look at Sauli. Tommy knows he has been found out.

   Turning away, Sauli tries to lose himself in his friends' cheerful banter; but he can't keep the dark thoughts away. _What's going to happen to the three of us? Tommy is cheating. I want my ex-boyfriend. I'm gay; and yet, I'm starting to have sexual feelings about my co-worker, who happens to be a woman. I don't even know, in a way, who I am anymore. I feel like I'm losing control._

 

 

 

 

 


	9. There's No Turning Back

**Title of the Series:** _Scars Make Us Who We Are_

 **Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

 **Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

 **Pairing:** Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

 **Rating:** MA18+

 **Summary:** Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

 **Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

 **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

　

**CHAPTER NINE**

 

_There's No Turning Back_

 

　

Adam throws his iPhone down on the seat, disgusted. Crossing his arms, he sighs bitchily.

Monte, who is sitting in the front passenger seat of the car, glances back at the singer. "What now?"

"He won't answer the fucking phone! It just keeps going to voice mail!" Adam crabs.

"Who?" Marc asks, turning into the hotel parking lot.

"Sauli!" Adam picks up the phone, shoving it in his pocket. "And Tommy won't answer any of my texts! And I'm fucking tired! And starving!"

Marc and Monte share an exasperated look. Adam always did have a temper, but he usually could control it. Marc slides into a parking spot, cutting the engine abruptly. "Come on. Let's get you something to eat, and then to bed." Marc takes Adam's bag.

Once they have checked in, they go down to the hotel's restaurant for dinner. Adam is just finishing the burger he ordered when he sees both Monte and Marc staring over his shoulder, mouth hanging open slightly. "Chewed food is not an appetizing sight to look at guys."

"Is that Kris Allen?" Marc questions, ignoring Adam's comment.

Whipping his head around, Adam feels his heart skip a beat when he recognizes the dark-haired singer a few table away. Turning back to face his managers, he nods his head in confirmation. "I never told you, but...he was in Phoenix last night, too. Turns out we have relatively the same schedules."

Monte raises his eyesbrows, surprised. "Hmm," he grunts, taking a drink of his Coke. After several long minutes, Monte inclines his head almost imperceptibly. "Don't look now; he's coming over here," he whispers under his breath. Looking up, he grins. "Hey, Kris. How are you doing?" Monte stands up and shakes Kris' hand.

Marc follows suit, exchanging his polite greetings and then stepping off to the side with Monte to greet Kris' managers.

Adam hugs Kris, feeling a little awkward about the other night in his room. "Hey, Kris. Long time, no see," he jokes.

Kris' smile is easy as he returns Adam's hug. He holds on a little longer than is right for two friends. "Yeah," he laughs.

Adam motions for Kris to take a seat in the chair next to his. "You want a drink?"

Kris starts to shake his head, but stops himself. "Sure. Okay."

Adam catches the attention of the waitress, ordering two margaritas. "You guys want anything?" Adam asks the men who are standing, still talking amongst themselves.

"That's okay, Adam. We'll head over to the bar and let you two catch up," Marc says. "See you in the morning--bright and early!"

Adam turns to Kris once the others have left. "Kris, about last night-" Adam starts to say, stopping when Kris begins simultaneously:

"Adam, about tonight-"

They both break into laughter, all tension and awkwardness suddenly evaporated.

"Go ahead." Kris touches Adam lightly on the arm.

Adam's heart skips a beat once again and he feels himself harden. _Dammit! What is wrong with you, Lambert?! He's your_ friend _for God's sake!_ He mentally chides himself, saying out loud, "I didn't mean to do what I did last night, Kris. I don't want to ruin our friendship. I really like and respect the relationship we have." Quickly, he adds, "As friends."

"Adam." Kris sighs, looking down. "You didn't do anything last night. It was me. I was the one who kissed you. And running out on you was wrong. I shouldn't have done that. I mean, I didn't even give you any explanation." Kris glances around the crowded restaurant. "Can we go up to your room? To talk?"

Adam nods. "Absolutely." He waves the waitress over, handing her his credit card. "Charge it."

A few minutes later, Adam finds himself walking up to his room with Kris, and it's like last night all over again. He lets him and Kris into his suite, flicking on a dim lamp. He plants himself on the couch instead of the bed, not wanting to have a repeat of the past night. "What did you want to talk about?"

Kris sits beside Adam, leaving a wide space between their bodies. "Like I was saying down in the restaurant, I owe you an explanation for what I did last night."

Adam raises an eyebrow and purses his lips, cocking his head to one side. "Explain away."

Kris picks at a fingernail, nervous. "Adam, I was attracted to you from the first time I met you. And, as you know, I had just gotten married to Katy." He scratches his forehead, searching for the right words. "And feeling physical attraction to a guy was scary for me. I'm not gay. But I couldn't explain why I had these...feelings... for you." He rests his head in his hands, deflated and slightly embarrassed.

Adam swallows thickly. He had had feelings for Kris when they met; and he was crestfallen when he found out Kris was married. And straight. He still has feelings for Kris to this day; they are just more muted--toned down, basically. But how can he explain that to Kris?

Kris continues, "I had to hide my attraction to you when we were on Idol, Adam. And you don't know how much that tortured me. I was just so confused. Hell, I still am." He shakes his head, disgusted with himself. "For the last three years, you don't know how many times I picked up that phone to call you and tell you how I felt. But I stopped myself every frickin' time!" He slams his fist on the couch.

Adam pulls back a little, startled. He wants to reach over and take Kris in his arms, but he knows that would be stepping over the line of friendship. Even if Kris is confessing all this right now.

"I've wanted you for the last three years, Adam." Kris looks over at his friend, his eyes watery. "And I didn't do a very good job of hiding that from Katy."

His dark eyebrows furrowed in confusion, Adam asks, "What do you mean?"

Shame washes over Kris' face. "She...walked in on me-" his voice breaks. He shakes his head in dismay.

"Go ahead," Adam soothes gently, laying a warm hand on his friend's shoulder.

Kris looks over at Adam, guilt evident in his hazel eyes. "She walked in on me jerking off to your photos."

Adam cannot hide the shock on his face. He coughs. "Oh," he says in a small voice.

Kris buries his flaming face in his knees. "I am so sorry, Adam. I shouldn't have told you that."

"No..." Adam begins slowly. "It's just...shocking...I guess." He grins slyly. "I never thought you, of all people, would lust after me."

Kris laughs, sitting back up. "I never would have thought I was the type of person to lust after _anything_ , let alone a _guy_." He suddenly falls quiet.

And just like that, Adam is leaning in; and Kris is leaning forward to meet him. Their lips meet, melding together in warm, gentle kiss. It's so different from anything Adam has ever felt before, he forgets for a minute that he is finally kissing the man he wanted from the day he met him. (The kiss with Kris last night doesn't count in Adam's head because they were technically drunk, and didn't really know what they were doing.) Kris' tongue tracing Adam's lip brings him back into the moment. Slipping his tongue inside Kris' mouth, Adam blindly explores the unfamiliar warmth. He can feel his cock growing harder in response to the kissing. He runs a hand down Kris' chest until he reaches the waistband of his jeans.

Kris groans at the feel of Adam's hand so close to his erection. Grasping Adam by the shoulders, he pushes him down on the couch, straddling him. He can feel how hard Adam is, even beneath their clothing.

The kiss becomes heated then. The two men start grinding against each other with unbridled lust. Not being able to take the pain his of the zipper against his throbbing cock any longer, Adam pushes Kris up. "Bed," Adam gasps. Pushing Kris onto the bed, he climbs on top, resuming the kiss.

Kris runs his fingers through Adam's black hair. He wants more, all of Adam. But he's terrified; he's never had sex with a guy before. Hell, the only person he has ever had sex with is Katy. But there is a first time for everything. He tugs on the hem of Adam's t-shirt.

Adam, knowing immediately what Kris is after, lifts up his body, breaking their passionate kiss. He yanks the designer shirt off his head, tossing it carelessly to the floor. He unbuttons Kris' shirt, spreading it open to reveal his toned chest. Adam stops for a minute, staring at Kris' well-defined abs. Sure, he had seen Kris shirtless in pictures that he would secretly Google at night, but seeing the real thing in person was nothing like looking at photos on a screen.

Kris smiles, breaking Adam out of his reverie by teasing, "Am I that bad to look at? Changed your mind about, well..."

Adam grins down at Kris, no hint of shame at being caught staring. "One look at that-" he motions to Kris' chest "-sends the blood straight to my cock."

Kris' jaw drops, eyes wide at Adam's shamelessness and slight vulgarity.

Adam laughs. "Take off your shirt, prissy." He helps Kris slip out of the shirt. "And...are you gonna look at me any time soon?" Adam asks, for Kris' eyes had never strayed once from Adam's face.

Glancing down, Kris' eyes widen again. With lips slightly parted, he runs his fingers down Adam's freckled chest. He fingers Adam's hard, erect nipples, tracing a fingertip around the silver steel rings piercing his nipples. "Don't these hurt?" he quietly asks, still a little shocked. Sure, he knew people did it, but he's never seen anybody with pierced nipples.

In answer to his question, Adam takes Kris' fingers in his own, pinching one of the rings. He tugs gently, his nipple pulling outward a tiny bit.

Kris watches as Adam's face goes slack. Experimenting, he pulls a little harder, eliciting a cry from Adam. "You like that don't you?" he whispers, his breath hot against Adam's neck.

Adam groans. His cock is aching, the zipper of his pants digging into his flesh. He reaches down, unbuttoning Kris' jeans and slipping three fingers into the waistband of his boxers.

Kris throws his head back, enjoying the feel of Adam's fingers teasing the sensitive skin right above his erection. He fumbles with the button on Adam's jeans, tugging the zipper down at the same time. Now, it's Kris' turn to stare. Breathing heavily, from both being fully erected and the sudden fright of having Adam's huge dick up his ass (because he knows that that is what is about to happen), Kris bites his bottom lip.

Adam laughs at the mixed expressions on Kris' face. "I get that reaction all the time." He grins naughtily.

Kris' mouth drops open in brazen shock.

"Relax! I'm joking!" Adam holds up his hands, palms outward. "I'm not a whore."

Laughing nervously, Kris replies, "I hope not." He looks back down, where Adam's cock is fully erected in front of him. Adam isn't wearing any underwear.

"Sorry," Adam says, not looking the least bit sorry at all. "I guess I should've warned you. I don't like underwear." Adam cocks his head, waiting for a response. Now that he knows Kris jacks off to his pictures, he wants to give him the opportunity to see and touch what is really worthy of jacking off to.

Never having done this before, Kris is a little hesitant. He looks up at Adam, a questioning look in his eyes.

 _What the hell,_ Adam thinks, _I might as well take the reins._ He tugs Kris' jeans off, his boxers slipping off at the same time. Adam pauses a moment to admire Kris' completely naked body splayed out in front of him. "You've never done this before, correct?" Adam taps each of Kris' hard nipples, playing with him.

Kris shakes his head, amazed at how just that little touch goes straight to his already throbbing cock. Glancing down once more, Kris whispers hoarsely, "How big are you?"

Straddling him, Adam rests the head of his cock flush against Kris'. He pecks a kiss on Kris' lips. "Erected? Ten inches."

Kris nearly chokes. He is only eight inches at the most; and that's when he is erected. "Wha-what are we going to do? Adam?" His nervousness is mounting every second he thinks about Adam pushing into him.

Adam rotates his hips, his cock leaking on Kris' abdomen. "What are we going to do," he repeats. "Let's see..." He trails a finger down Kris' side, over his ribs, and along the place where his thigh joins his groin. His finger stops at the base of Kris' cock. He keeps their eyes locked as he slowly grasps the younger man's dick, giving it a gentle pull. Adam starts jacking Kris' cock, making him cry out.

Kris wraps his arms around Adam's neck, pulling him down on top of him. He brings his lips to Adam's, opening his mouth in a warm, wet kiss. Reaching a hand between their bodies, Kris grabs Adam's cock, squeezing hard.

Adam shoves his tongue farther down Kris' throat in response. He rubs his thumb over the slit on the head of Kris' dick, making him buck up into Adam with pleasure. Breaking the kiss, Adam slides down Kris' body until his mouth is right next to the tip of Kris' cock. He gives the slit a kiss before sliding Kris' whole length into his mouth. Grasping Kris' hips, Adam shoves his cock down his throat.

"Adam!" Kris' fingers are twined in Adam's hair, his legs slung over the older man's shoulders. He pulls out of Adam's mouth, pushing back in immediately. He really likes the feel of fucking Adam's mouth. Kris can tell that he's already starting to lose control; he's going to come if Adam doesn't stop swallowing him. But right now, he doesn't care--he just wants to keep feeling Adam work him.

Too soon, Adam sits up, pecking another kiss on Kris' cock, which is now covered in his saliva.

Kris whimpers at the loss of Adam's talented mouth. _Why did he stop just when I was about to come?_ "More," he begs, wrapping a hand around the back of Adam's neck and trying in vain to pull his head back down between his legs.

Adam laughs, amused. "Oh, you'll get more, sweetie. Later." Once more, he straddles Kris, crawling over him until his cock is only inches away from Kris' face. "Suck me off," he commands. Seeing Kris' hesitation, he says, "Just do what I did." He guides Kris' head to his throbbing cock, gently pushing into Kris' parted lips. Adam groans, being careful not to be too rough, considering this is Kris' first time. He slowly pumps his dick in and out, each time going a little farther down Kris' throat.

Without hesitation this time, Kris takes Adam's whole ten inches down his throat. His tongue caresses the bottom of Adam's cock, his chin resting against Adam's balls.

Throwing his head back, Adam moans in ecstasy. Knotting his fingers through Kris' hair, he starts fucking his mouth forcefully. Just as he starts losing control, Adam pulls out of Kris' throat, shoving his tongue in Kris' mouth to replace the loss of his hard cock.

Panting, Kris' pulls back. "Why'd we stop?" He grinds himself against the older man in a way that shocks Adam; considering it's coming from his _supposedly_ straight friend.

Adam grins. "Wow, Kris," he says, truly impressed, "I never thought you had that in you!"

Kris buries his red face in Adam's neck. "Please, Adam?" He knows he's begging now, but he can't ignore his aching cock any longer.

Adam pushes Kris down on the mattress. In one motion, he spreads Kris' legs and lifts them onto his shoulders so his ass is raised up. He kisses each of Kris' inner thighs, knowing it will drive him wild. It does. Using his thumbs to gain access to Kris' small hole, he circles the tight ring of muscles with the tip of his tongue.

"Oh my God! Adam!" Kris shoves his ass into Adam's face, wanting more. "That feels damn good!"

Sucking on his middle finger, Adam inserts the digit into Kris' hole, wiggling it back and forth roughly. He adds another finger, stretching Kris open.

Kris' body is moving in time with Adam's rhythm. It burns every time Adam sticks another finger up his ass, but it also feels so good.

Adam now has three fingers in Kris' ass. "You are so tight, baby. Relax...Let Adam work you wide open." With his other hand, he grabs Kris' cock, pumping it. Pulling his fingers out, he earns a moaning whimper from Kris. "It's okay, baby. Hold on a minute..." He hangs over the side of the bed, reaching into his duffle bag and grabbing the lube he had bought earlier that day. He spills a good amount in his palm, coating his cock and spreading it on Kris' ass.

Glancing down, Kris pants, "What are you doing?"

"Lubing up. I'm going to fuck you like you've never been fucked before, Kristopher." Adam crawls on his knees closer to Kris, positioning his cock right next to his hole.

Sitting up in alarm, Kris puts his hands on Adam's chest. Looking down, he gets his confirmation: no condom. Kris nearly hyperventilates. Not really sure how to say it, he stutters, "Uh...what about a... Aren't you forgeting something?" At the blank look on Adam's face, Kris bursts out, "A condom?!" Despite Adam's earlier statement that he is not a whore, Kris knows that he has been with a lot of men, especially considering his experience.

"Oh! Babe, I don't use condoms." At Kris' horrified look, Adam quickly corrects, "Anymore! Shit! That still sounds bad. I mean, the only people I've ever had unprotected sex with are Sauli and Tommy. I get tested regularly, so don't worry--I'm completely safe." Adam smiles. "'Kay?"

Kris still is a little worried. "But..." He doesn't know if he should agree to this; it feels very...unsafe. But he doesn't want to piss Adam off. "You're sure?"

Adam's expression softens. He realizes that this is Kris' first time, and he's scared. "I am sure. It'll be okay. Kris, I-" Adam breaks off before he says something he shouldn't. "It feels so much better going bare-back."

The throbbing in his dick reminds Kris that he really needs to be fucked right now. "Okay," he relents, reclining back on the pillows and pulling Adam down with him. "Do it. Fuck me."

 _With pleasure,_ Adam thinks. He pushes the head of his dick against Kris' tight hole. "Relax...it's going to burn a little," he warns. His hands on Kris' hips, he slides into him, slowly stretching the tight ring of muscles open. He pushes farther in until his full length is inside Kris.

Moaning, Kris tosses his head. Adam was right; it does burn. Yet, he has never felt something so mind-blowing.

Adam begins a slow rhythm, in and out. With each thrust, the head of his cock hits that spot inside of Kris, pushing right against his prostate. Wrapping a hand around Kris' tense cock, he can tell Kris is about to lose it. "You don't come until I say you can, okay?" He pumps Kris' dick, jacking him off.

Kris can't even answer. He just nods his head, trying to hold himself back from coming.

Adam, taking that for a good enough answer, pounds into Kris erratically, jacking the younger man's cock at the same time. Adam can feel Kris tensing up, and he knows he isn't going to last much longer himself. "Okay," he pants. "Now, Kris."

Kris lets the intense vibrations take over, and that's the only thing he can feel--wave after wave of pure ecstasy rolling through his body. Never has he felt so good. The orgasm rips through both his lower back and his overly sensitive cock, and then he is coming all over his and Adam's chests. The filmy, white come is all over both of their bodies. Kris is shaking slightly, coming down from his intense orgasm; yet, Adam is still pounding his hard cock into him, over and over again. Kris reaches a hand up, stroking the side of Adam's face gently, lovingly. "Come, honey. Come in me."

With a gasp, Adam's erratic thrusting stills and he explodes in Kris. Adam shakes a little every time he releases another ejaculation. His orgasm is so strong and he is so focused on getting it all out, he doesn't even realize Kris has threaded his fingers through his. Collapsing on Kris, Adam lifts their entwined hands above Kris' head. He plants his lips on Kris', kissing him slowly. With a low moan, Adam slides out of Kris and rolls onto his side.

Groaning, Kris turns to face Adam. "That felt so good, Adam." He smiles shyly up at the older man.

Adam grins. "I don't wanna say it, but, I told you so!"

Kris cuddles into Adam, laughing. He wraps his arms around his friend, Adam doing the same to him. Twisting their legs together, they join their lips in one last, lazy kiss. Sleepily, Kris murmurs into Adam's freckled shoulder, "I love you, Adam."

With a start, Adam realizes he feels the same way. "I love you, too, Kristopher."

Kris snuggles even closer, holding Adam tight in his warm embrace. His eyes drift shut, sleep taking over.

 _Well, you have officially gotten yourself in a shit-load of trouble, Lambert. And there's no turning back now._ Those last thoughts linger in Adam's mind until sleep at last claims his exhausted body.


	10. No More Hesitation

**Title of the Series:** _Scars Make Us Who We Are_

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

 **Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

 **Pairing:** Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

 **Rating:** MA18+

 **Summary:** Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

 **Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

 **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

 

 

** CHAPTER TEN **

 

_No More Hesitation_

 

 

   "Heikki!" Sauli exclaims, giggling. Yes, he is drunk. And yes, he is doing things he definitely should not be doing-- _with_ his ex-boyfriend.

   Heikki pushes Sauli into the pillows, nuzzling his bare abdomen with the tip of his nose. "You like it!" he accuses, laughing.

   "FINE!" Sauli screeches. "I LOVE IT! JUST CUT IT OUT BEFORE I THROW UP ALL OVER IN YOUR HAIR!"

   That immediately stops Heikki from his impromptu tickle fight. He puts his hands to his hair, feigning horror. "No! Not my hair!"

   Giggling, Sauli pulls Heikki down next to him. He knows how much Heikki cares for his long, blonde hair. "You know I would never." Taking a handful of Heikki's silky hair, Sauli divides it into three separate sections and begins braiding it. Back when they were boyfriends, and Sauli still had long hair, they would braid each other's hair when they were laying in bed together. Finishing the first braid, he starts on a second on the other side.

   Heikki watches Sauli's face scrunch up in concentration. It's amazing how Sauli can still have control over his fingers after all the alcohol he consumed earlier. Hell, it's amazing Heikki can even _remember_ how many drinks Sauli had had. Heikki kisses Sauli, first on his forehead, then his nose, and finally his mouth. His lips fall open, his tongue exploring Sauli's familiar mouth. Tugging off his boxers, Heikki then helps Sauli slip out of his pajama bottoms, which is the only thing that he is wearing, having long ago lost his shirt somewhere in the darkened room.

   Sauli's breath hitches; the feel of Heikki's naked body against his own does not help the erection he's got going between his legs. He grinds his cock against Heikki's hip. "You feel so good," he whispers hotly in his ex's ear, moaning when Heikki reaches down and gives his dick a squeeze. Pulling the covers out from under him, Sauli burrows deep into sheets, Heikki following suit. They resume kissing, touching each other desperately. Before Sauli realizes what is happening, Heikki is on top of him, his cock poised at the edge of Sauli's tight hole. "Wait," Sauli gasps, wriggling out from under the other man. Rifling in the nightstand drawer, he pulls out what he is looking for. Adam keeps bottles of lube scattered around the house so that the three of them can have sex in any room they please without worrying about having to run and get something in the middle of fucking. Sauli hands the tube to Heikki, reclaiming his position beneath his ex.

   Heikki quickly rolls a condom on before lubing up himself and Sauli. Crawling between Sauli's spread legs, Heikki trails a finger down the shaft of Sauli's dick, then around his balls. His rims the edge of Sauli's hole before shoving the whole length of his finger inside him. He works Sauli open, soon adding a second finger, and then a third.

   Sauli groans, pushing against Heikki's fingers. Blindly, he reaches down to grab Heikki's cock, squeezing and rubbing it until he can't take it anymore. Sauli lifts his legs onto Heikki's shoulders, exposing his stretched hole. A single thought runs through Sauli's mind then. _No more hesitation._

   Heikki pulls his fingers out, replacing them with the head of his cock. He enters Sauli easily, burying his dick up to the base. Grasping Sauli's hips, he pulls out, pushing back in quickly. Each time Heikki pushes in, the head of his cock hits Sauli's prostate. Sauli's body is so familiar, Heikki knows exactly how to make him feel good.

   Sauli writhes on the bed, fighting the urge to come. He has forgotten how well Heikki knows his body.

   Heikki wraps his hand around Sauli's cock, rubbing his thumb over the slit. At the same time, he starts sliding his hand up and down the shaft.

   With both his ass and his dick being handled, Sauli cannot hold it back any longer. Twisting the sheets between his fingers, he comes, shooting warm come all over him and Heikki. He grinds down on Heikki's cock, riding out the orgasm. Just as the intense vibrations fade away, Heikki cries out.

   Heikki's dick tenses up, releasing the hot white come. He gently pulls out of Sauli's ass, his cock still throbbing from the orgasm. Peeling the condom off, he tosses it in the wastebasket. Laying down beside Sauli, he takes him in his arms.

   Sauli cuddles into Heikki's warm embrace, loving the familiarity of his ex's arms. He touches his lips to Heikki's, kissing him deeply. "I'll be right back." Getting up, he pulls on his pajama bottoms.

   "Where are you going?" Heikki questions, touching Sauli's hip.

   "I need to get something to drink," he explains before walking out the door and shutting it firmly behind him. Letting out a deep breath, he leans against the wall heavily. _What have I done? I cheated on Adam and Tommy with my ex-boyfriend. And I liked it._ He might have drank too much alcohol tonight, but he's not that drunk that he's going to forget what he just did. And he's definitely not going to forget what he saw on Tommy's phone. _Tommy is cheating, too,_ he thinks angrily. _He's cheating right now._ Sighing, he walks downstairs to the kitchen. Seeing a dark figure standing by the window, he stops. "Who's there?" he whispers.

   The person turns around. "It is me." Katri's voice.

   "What are you doing up?" Sauli asks, taking a glass from the cupboard and filling it with water. He goes over to where Katri is standing.

   "I could not sleep." Katri looks over at Sauli, her eyes scanning his face. "What were you doing with Heikki?"

   Sauli nearly chokes on the water. He coughs, clearing his throat. "Nothing." He looks away, hoping Katri won't notice his flushed face.

   Narrowing her eyes, Katri sighs. "Fine. Do not tell me then."

   Feeling guilty, Sauli puts a hand on her shoulder. "Please, Katri. Do not be mad at me. If I tell you, you must promise to tell no one."

   Katri nods silently.

   Sauli sighs, taking her hand in his. Not knowing how to put this delicately, he decides to just tell her straight out. "Heikki and I had sex."

   Katri's mouth drops open in shock. She grabs Sauli's shoulders, her grey eyes staring into Sauli's blue ones. "What?"

   Sauli hangs his head. "Don't be mad," he says in a very small voice.

   "Oh, honey," Katri hugs him. "I am not mad. I am just...shocked." She touches the bottom of chin, tipping his head up so she can look him in the eye. "Why?"

   Sauli's eyes tear up and his chin begins to quiver. Gulping, he chokes out, "Can we go upstairs? It's a long story."

   "Of course we can." Katri leads Sauli upstairs to her room. She sits on the bed, pulling him down with her. "Okay. Tell me what happened."

   Laying back on the bed, Sauli rubs his hands over his face. He could really use a drink; the effects of the alcohol he consumed earlier are starting to wear off. Sighing, he finally says, "When we were at the bar tonight, Tommy got up to go to the bathroom and his phone fell out of his pocket. I picked it up so I could give it back to him after he got back from the bathroom." Sauli pauses, wondering if he should tell Katri all of this. If Adam ever found out, he'd be pissed. No, he'd be more than pissed--he'd be madder than hell.

   Katri puts a hand on his knee. "And what happened then?" she coaxes.

   _Whatever--she is my best friend._ Sauli continues, "The phone vibrated when I still had it in my lap. It was a text. And I know that I was snooping, but I was curious. So I opened it. And-" his voice breaks here. Shaking his head, he wills himself to go on. "The text was from Isaac--Adam's drummer."

   Katri nods. "What did it say?" she asks quietly.

   "I don't remember exactly, but it was something like 'I want your cock in my mouth.' And it said to meet him at his house at midnight." Sauli sniffles. "And that, I am sure, is where he is right now."

   "He is having an affair with Adam's drummer?" Katri is shocked. "I assume Adam knows nothing about this?"

   Swallowing thickly, Sauli replies, "I think he might have an idea that something is going on. I don't know if he thinks they are having sex, or what he thinks. I do know that whenever Isaac's around, Adam is always tense and pissy-looking."

   Katri runs a hand through her short blonde hair. "Okay, so Tommy is having an affair, but... How does this tie into you having sex with Heikki?"

   "I figured if Tommy can go and have sex with whomever he pleases, then I can go with Heikki. Besides," he adds, "I know Adam isn't completely faithful either."

   Katri is not entirely shocked by Sauli's last statement; she always thought Adam was a playboy. "Do you have proof?"

   "No," Sauli admits, "Just thoughts. Tommy is the one who suggested it--that he is having sex with other guys when he's on tour. Such as this one that he's on right now."

   Katri lays down beside Sauli. "Do you think Tommy has direct proof?"

   "I don't know." Sauli looks at Katri. "You would think he would tell me if he did. But maybe he's keeping it from me to protect me. I don't know." He turns on his side, wrapping his arms around Katri. "I'm just so upset," he murmurs into her shoulder. "I cheated. I know Tommy's cheating. And God only knows what Adam is doing." Tears begin to fall silently down Sauli's cheeks. "What do I do, Katri?"

   "Well, you need to stay away from Heikki for one thing." Katri runs a hand through Sauli's curls. "And maybe you should talk to Tommy about this tomorrow. I do not know if I would go telling Adam just yet."

   Sauli studies Katri's face. Without thinking, he brings his lips to hers, kissing her softly. Katri, surprised at first, moves her lips against his after a slight pause. Reaching up, Sauli gently frames her face with his hands, pulling their heads closer together. Her lips on his sends a spark through Sauli that he never before felt for a woman. Pressing their bodies together, Sauli deepens the kiss. He can feel himself harden in response to her hand on his bare back. He nudges a leg between hers, lifting up her leg and hooking it over his hip. Katri pulls him closer, running her fingers along the waistband of his pajama pants. Rolling on top of her, Sauli slips his hands under her t-shirt, cupping her breasts.

   "Sauli!" Katri gasps. She slips her hands into his pants, tugging them off.

   "You feel so good," Sauli murmurs into her neck. He squeezes her breasts, shivering in pleasure at the feel of Katri's hands on his ass. He lifts her shirt up, and she helps him slip it over her head. He pulls off her cotton shorts, then kicks off his pants, which are twisted around his ankles. Fingering her lacy underwear, he remembers the first time Tommy wore a lacy thong for him and Adam. (Well, it was mostly for Adam's benefit back then, considering both his and Tommy's lives revolved solely around Adam. Their lives still revolve around Adam, but at least now him and Tommy have each other. Or they used to, until all this hit the fan.)

   Sauli runs a finger across the lace. "Why are they called boyshorts?" he wonders out loud.

   Katri laughs. "I have no idea, Sauli."

   "Hmm." Sauli tugs the boyshorts off, touching her lightly on her bikini area. She spreads her legs, inviting him in. Sauli has never had sex with a woman; hell, he's never had any physical attraction towards a woman. But with Katri, it's completely different. He is physically attracted to her. And touching her excites him. He positions himself between her spread legs, his cock poised at her opening. "Are you sure?" he whispers in her ear.

   Katri wraps her arms around Sauli's neck, pulling him close. "Yes," she whispers back. "I am very sure." She lifts her body up, urging Sauli on.

   _I can't believe I am fucking my best friend. And on top of it, I'm cheating twice in one night._ Those are the last thoughts that run through Sauli's head as he enters her in one smooth motion, like he's done this a million times before.

 

* * *

 

   Tommy twists his fingers in dark hair. Groaning, he pushes down on Isaac's dick, which is up his ass at the moment. He is straddling the drummer, his cock rubbing against Isaac's abdomen. "It's a good thing your wife decided to go see her parents this week; I don't know where we would've done this otherwise." He bounces up and down, knowing it drives the other man crazy. And it makes him feel so fucking good inside.

   Isaac's reply is cut off by a cry of pleasure as he comes, spurting warmly in Tommy's ass. He jacks Tommy's dick; he can tell he is very close to coming. Rubbing his thumb over the slit does the trick.

   "Isaac!" Tommy moans as he explodes onto Isaac's chest. He pushes in time with the vibrations, spilling his white come all over. Exhausted, he lets himself fall forward, Isaac's dick slipping out of his ass as he does. He cuddles into Isaac's chest, his come squishing wetly between their bodies. Isaac's arms wrap around him, holding him closer. Tommy buries his face in Isaac's neck, breathing in his cologne.

   Running his finger along his chest, Isaac brings the digit to his mouth, licking Tommy's come off of it. "Yum."

   Tommy laughs. "You're so dirty," he teases, only joking. In Tommy's opinion, tasting his come is saintly compared to some of things that they did tonight.

   "Tell me something I don't know," Isaac jokes back.

   Tommy slaps him playfully on the shoulder. "I'm gonna go get cleaned up." He grabs his clothes off the floor on his way to the bathroom. Grabbing a washcloth, he cleans himself up the best he can. Sitting on the toilet with the lid down, he takes his iPhone out of his jeans pocket. Ten missed calls and nineteen new text messages. All from Adam. Tommy swallows guiltily, already thinking of some excuse for not answering his phone. He decides to deal with that later; he has more pressing issues to contend with at the moment. Such as the text from Isaac that Sauli read. Chewing on his lip, he pulls his underwear on, wondering how he's going to bring this up to Isaac. He finishes getting dressed, finger-combing his hair so it looks at least somewhat presentable.

   "C'mere, beb," Isaac calls as Tommy steps out of the bedroom's adjoining bathroom.

   Tommy sits on the edge of the bed. "I have something to tell you, Isaac," he says quietly, looking down.

   Concerned, Isaac sits up. "Let me go get dressed. Hold on a minute." He pecks a kiss on Tommy's forehead before padding to the bathroom.

   Five minutes later, he is sitting beside Tommy. "Okay. What did you have to tell me?"

   Tommy takes a breath, steeling himself. "Sauli knows." At Isaac's confused look, Tommy explains, "He saw your text on my phone tonight."

   Isaac's eyes widen in shock. His mouth opens, but he is speechless. "What?" he finally chokes out.

   Tommy nods miserably. "What am I going to do?!" he wails. "Sauli can't keep a fucking secret for the life of him! Adam's going to find out!" He is now hysterical. "You and I will both be done! Adam'll kick us both out of the band! AND I'LL BE DUMPED!" At this last part, Tommy throws himself into Isaac's arms, frightened at what Adam will do to him if and when he ever finds out.

   Isaac strokes Tommy's fringe. "It'll be okay. We'll figure something out." He tries to reassure Tommy, even though he is kind of scared himself. If Adam does find out, he will definitely put the blame on him rather than Tommy. "It'll be okay," he repeats.

   Tommy cuddles into Issac. He doesn't know what's going to happen now that Sauli knows about him and Isaac. But one thing is for sure, when--not _if_ \--Adam finds out, he will be in for a shit-load of trouble.

  

  

  

  

 


	11. All You Want Is To Be Wanted

**Title of the Series:** _Scars Make Us Who We Are_

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

 **Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

 **Pairing:** Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

 **Rating:** MA18+

 **Summary:** Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

 **Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

 **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

　

** CHAPTER ELEVEN **

_All You Want Is To Be Wanted_

 

　

   Adam wakes up to pounding on the door. Slowly, he becomes aware of his surroundings--and what went on last night. Kris' arm is draped around him possessively, his face only inches from Adam's. Meanwhile, the pounding is still going on. _For fuck's sake! I payed eleven hundred dollars for this room! You would think they could be a little more considerate for their guests and conscientious of what kind of people they allow in this establishment! When I get up, they are going to get an earful! What time is it anyway?_ Glancing at the clock, Adam nearly screams. 9:15. They were supposed to be out of here at 8:30 so they could make it to the first radio station by eleven! Untangling himself from Kris, he jumps out of bed. That is when he realizes that the pounding is on _his_ door. Yanking on his pajama bottoms, he flings the door open, almost getting socked in the face from Monte's fist, which is poised to knock again.

   "Where the hell have you been?!" Monte whisper-shouts. At least he has some decency not to yell in such a swanky hotel.

   Adam barricades the doorway with his body so Monte cannot see inside. Sheepishly, he replies, "Sleeping?" Unintentionally, it comes out as a question.

   Marc pushes Monte aside, pointing a finger in Adam's chest. "Lucky for you, the radio station is in town! Not a ten minute drive from the hotel! So you still have an hour and forty-five minutes until we have to be there."

   Silently, Adam breathes a sigh of relief. "Then...what are you pounding on my door for?"

   "Well," Monte answers, "we were going to go over the tour schedule with you and take you and Kris out for breakfast. But, since John and Steve can't find Kris, that's not happening at the moment."

   That is when Adam finally notices Kris' managers standing in the hall behind his managers. He gives a little wave.

   John steps forward, not amused. "Would you happen to know where Kris is?" he demands testily. "He hasn't been answering his phone all morning." His eyes narrrow as he takes in Adam's naked chest and the silver rings piercing his nipples.

   Adam shakes his head. "No. No, I wouldn't have any clue where he is."

   John glares at Adam for another minute before stalking off down the hallway, his phone already glued to his ear. Steve mutters an apology before following John.

   Monte waves his hand at Adam. "Okay. Let us in."

   Adam shakes his head again. "No."

   Marc crosses his arms. "Don't piss me off," he warns.

   "You don't understand!" Adam exclaims. "You can't come in right now!"

   "What are you talking-" Monte is interrupted by a voice calling Adam's name.

   "Adam?" Kris' voice carries across the room. "Where are you?"

   Adam hangs his head, defeated. He opens the door wide. "Well, you might as well come in now," he says sarcastically. To Kris, he calls, "Thanks a lot, Kris."

   Monte and Marc both stare at Adam. "He's here?" Marc sputters, disbelieving. "You told John that he wasn't!"

   "Yes. I lied. Get over it," Adam replies, walking into the room, both his managers following.

   Kris is sitting up in bed, the covers around his waist, covering up his indecency. He visibly panics when Monte and Marc walk in. Adam sits down on the bed next to him.

   "Your managers are looking for you," Marc tells Kris.

   Kris swallows, a blush spreading across his face. "They are?"

   Monte looks at Kris with amusement in his eyes. "Did you and Adam have a good night?"

   Glancing down, Kris mumbles something unintelligible.

   "You have half an hour. Be ready." Marc gives Adam a look before walking out the door.

   "I'll let your managers know you're in here," Monte says, following Marc.

   Kris buries his face in his hands, embarrassed. "Oh my God."

   Adam pats his back. "It'll be okay. They're jerks."

   "Adam," Kris says, "you don't understand! If my managers find out I slept with you, they'll be beyond pissed! They'll kill me!"

   "Relax!" Adam takes Kris in his arms. "Who cares what they think? They can't tell you what you can and can't do!"

   Kris burrows his head in Adam's neck. "Okay," he mumbles.

   "What? I can't hear you!" Adam teases.

   "Okay!" Kris says louder, laughing.

   Adam gets up. "I'll be right back. I just have to go get cleaned up." Grabbing his bag, he walks into the bathroom and shuts the door. Pulling out a box, he examines the instructions on the back. He's never done this before; he always goes to his stylist to have his hair colored. But Tommy does it at home all the time, so how hard can it be? And besides, it will be fun to piss off Marc and Monte.

   Twenty minutes later, Adam steps out of the bathroom, a towel around his head, another around his waist.

   "What the hell, Adam?" Kris asks, looking up from his iPad. "You're not dressed! What have you been doing?"

   Whipping the towel off his head with a flourish, Adam strikes a dramatic pose. "What do you think?!"

   Kris stares in open-mouthed shock. "You're hair...is blonde."

   Sitting down on the bed, Adam takes Kris' iPad out of his hands. "Yes...Do you like it?"

   Kris crawls across the bed so he can be closer to Adam. "Very much," he replies, running his fingers through Adam's hair. "Do you have your stylist in that bathroom or something? It looks really good."

   "Thank you!" Adam beams. "It's my first time coloring my own hair."

   Wrapping his arms around Adam, Kris murmurs in his ear, "I like it very much."

   Shivering with pleasure, Adam can feel himself harden under the towel. He tugs at Kris' pants. "Off," he mumbles. Adam helps Kris wiggle out of the pajama bottoms. He lets the towel slip off of his waist. Both of them naked now, Adam crawls on top of Kris, kissing him. Reaching a hand between their bodies, Adam palms Kris' erection. Groaning, Adam grinds into Kris. Kris spreads his legs, wanting Adam fully. Fingers teasing the edge of Kris' hole, Adam reaches for the lube on the nightstand. Just as he's about to spill some in his hand, he hears the door click. They have just enough time to yank the covers over their bodies and spring a respectable distance apart before Monte and Marc walk into the room, followed by John and Steve.

   "We interrupting something?" Monte asks, hiding a grin.

   Adam glares at him. "How the fuck did you get in here?"

   "Ah, how quickly we forget." Marc dangles the key card in front of him. "You gave me the extra key."

   "Shit!" Adam swears.

   "And I'd like to know what you-" John points an accusing finger in Kris' direction. "-are doing in here! And naked, no less." Kris starts to reply, but John cuts him off. "I don't even want to hear your excuses! I know what you were doing! You were fucking him!" He glares at Adam, disgusted. "You were fucking this piece of-" Steve puts a hand on John's shoulder, silencing him before he says something he really shouldn't. "Get up. Now," he commands Kris. He crosses his arms, waiting.

   Kris, completely embarrassed now, looks imploringly at Steve, his tour manager.

   Steve puts a hand on John's shoulder. "C'mon. We'll wait in Kris' room."

   "Five minutes," John growls at Kris as him and Steve walk out the door.

   Adam silently hands Kris his clothes from the night before. He glances over at Monte and Marc. "Privacy?" he hisses, pissed off now.

   Monte and Marc both give him a look. Without a word, they walk into the adjoining living room.

   "Sorry about that," he tells Kris, looking over at him.

   "Sorry about my managers," Kris replies, cuddling into Adam. "I don't want to go."

   Adam hugs him closer. "I don't want you to go either."

   Sighing, Kris climbs out of bed, dressing himself right in front of Adam. Adam watches, not minding the show at all. Once he's dressed, Kris leans in and wraps his arms around Adam's neck, kissing him fully on the lips. "I love you," he whispers in Adam's ear.

   "I love you, too, Krissifer." Adam smiles. "Talk to you later?"

   "I'll text you," Kris promises. He kisses him one more time. "Love you," he calls as he walks out the door.

   No sooner than the door clicks shut, Monte and Marc come back into the main room and sit down on the couch. "What the hell was that?" Monte asks, a disapproving frown on his face.

   Adam immediately turns bitchy. "None of your fucking business." He gets up, still stark naked, and grabs his towel, wrapping it around his waist. "You don't have any say in who I sleep with!"

   "What about his wife, Adam?" Marc reasons, trying to stay calm.

   "None of your fucking business," Adam repeats.

   "What happens when she finds out her husband has been sleeping with another _man_?" Monte challenges. "And what happens when your _boyfriends_ find out?"

   Adam sighs, really feeling guilty now when reminded of his boyfriends. "Kris and Katy aren't getting along. And Tommy and Sauli are _not_ going to find out."

   Monte only raises his eyebrows.

   "THEY AREN'T!" Adam screams. "THEY AREN'T GOING TO FUCKING FIND OUT!"

   Marc leaps up, putting his hands on Adam's shoulders. Adam always did have a temper problem. Quietly, he says, "Okay. They won't find out. But you need to calm down. Now." He pauses, waiting for Adam's breathing to return to normal. "Go get dressed. We have less than hour before we're supposed to be at the radio station."

   "Fine," Adam replies, a hint of anger still in his voice.

   As Adam steps into the bathroom to go 'put his face on,' Monte calls out, "And don't think you're not going to have repercussions for dying your hair."

   Adam flips him off before slamming the door.

* * *

 

   Tommy looks up from his spiked coffee as Sauli walks into the kitchen. "Morning," he greets softly.

   Stopping in his tracks, Sauli answers, somewhat unfriendly, "When did you dye your hair?"

   Tommy touches his bright purple fringe a little self-consciencely. "This morning."

   "And you were up," Sauli states skeptically. He pours himself a cup of coffee. "Drinking again, I see."

   Tommy presses his lips together. "Can we not argue with each other?"

   "I don't know. You tell me." Sauli adds sugar and milk to his mug. "I know where you were last night, you know."

   "And I know what you were doing last night," Tommy shoots back, pissed.

   _You don't know the half of it,_ Sauli thinks. "Oh, really. Tell me what I was doing."

   Glaring at his boyfriend, Tommy spits, "You were fucking your ex-boyfriend!"

   "Big deal! You were fucking Adam's drummer!" Sauli shouts.

   "Bid deal?!" Tommy slams his coffee mug down on the counter, the liquid spilling over the side. "He's your fucking _ex-boyfriend,_ Sauli!"

   "Isaac is Adam's _employee,_ Tommy!" Sauli mimicks.

   "WOULD YOU STOP!" Tommy screams. "You're being childish! We're both in the wrong, okay?!"

   Sauli crosses his arms angrily, still pissed at Tommy. "What are you going to do when Adam finds out about your affair with his _drummer_?"

   Not being able to help himself, Tommy cuts back bitchily, "What are you going to do when Adam finds out your _ex-boyfriend_ is staying in _his_ house, and that you fucked him in the guest room? At least, I _presume_ that's where you two did it, and not in _Adam's_ _bed_!"

   Flinging his hand out, Sauli slaps Tommy across the face--hard. Without Adam there to intervene, it starts in an all-out bitch-fest. Tommy grabs Sauli's hand, just as it's about to hit him again. He leaves several deep scratches in the skin as Sauli pulls his arm back in a fit of anger. In retaliation, Sauli grabs a hold of Tommy's purple fringe, yanking roughly. Tommy rubs his stinging scalp in irritation, staring at the strands of hair that Sauli pulled out.

   "I believe these are yours," Sauli says smugly, holding out the pieces of hair still tangled in his fingers.

   Tommy growls, launching himself at Sauli. He grabs Sauli's curls, raking his fingernails down his boyfriend's cheek. The scratches turn bright red almost immediately. Sauli screeches at the pain, wrapping his hands around Tommy's slender neck, choking him. Tommy pulls away, coughing. He grabs a sharp knife out of the block on the counter, raising it above his head threateningly. He advances on Sauli, backing him up against the wall. Sauli screams, holding his hands in front of his face in his only self-defense. Coming to his senses, Tommy lowers the knife, feeling horrible. Just as he sets it down on the counter, Sauli jumps forward, pushing Tommy down, and begins pulling his hair. Startled, Tommy falls, smacking his head against the tile floor, which causes stars to dance across his vision for a moment. Recovering his senses, Tommy punches Sauli in jaw, gaining the upper hand. The two men roll around on floor, throwing punches, pulling hair, and scratching each other anywhere they can.

   A shout stops them before they can choke one another to death. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!"

   Tommy and Sauli both stand up, glancing at the girl standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Ashley Dzerigian.

   "Ashley!" Tommy exclaims. "What are you doing here?! And how did you get in?"

   Ashley crosses her arms, a shocked look still plastered on her face. "The door was unlocked. Adam sent me check on you guys; and by the looks of things," she waves a hand toward Tommy and Sauli, "you needed to be checked on. I don't know, Adam must have ESP. Either that, or he's got cameras in the house watching your every move."

   Despite their fight, Tommy and Sauli share a look of pure panic at the suggestion that Adam has cameras in the house; he's crazy enough to do such a thing.

   "I think you need to explain to me what's going on." Ashley pulls out a chair, sitting down and giving them both a pointed look.

   Tommy rubs his sore scalp. There is hard bump on the back of his head from where he hit the floor. His shirt is torn and he can taste blood in his mouth.

   Sauli is not much better. There are deep scratches on his face and arms, some smeared with dried blood. They will take weeks to heal. And his jaw has already turned an ugly shade of purple where Tommy punched him.

   Tommy does not know how they are going to explain this to Adam.

   Tilting her head, Ashley looks closely at Tommy's face. "Is that a handprint on your cheek?"

   Touching his cheek gingerly, Tommy chooses to ignore her. "Why did Adam send you here?"

   Ashley glances around the kitchen. "You sure there aren't cameras in here?"

   "Shut up," Tommy replies crankily.

   Shrugging, Ashley turns back to Tommy, who is now seated across from her. Sauli is in the chair next to hers. "He said neither of you have been answering his calls or texts. He's getting worried, not to mention pissed." She raises her eyebrows in silent question for them to explain.

   "I haven't felt like talking to him," Tommy answers bitchily. "What's your excuse, Sauli?"

   Glaring at him, Sauli spits out, "I haven't felt like talking to him either!"

   "Whoa!" Ashley holds up her hands, signaling for a time out. "What's with the hate?"

   Not thinking, Sauli blurts out, "Tommy's having an affair with Isaac!" Too late, he slaps both hands over his mouth, his eyes wide in fright. "Sorry," he squeaks.

   Ashley stares at Tommy, mouth open in shock.

   Before she can say anything, Tommy fires back, "And Sauli's having an affair with his ex-boyfriend!"

   Ashley whips her head around to look at Sauli, mouth open even wider.

   "Well, since we're spilling," Sauli breaks in, "I also had sex with Katri last night."

   "WHAT?!" Tommy screeches shrilly. "AND WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME _THIS_?!"

   Sauli shakes his head, looking miserable. "I didn't mean to have sex with her! I was drunk!"

   Tommy turns to Ashley, who is shocked speechless over all these confessions of infidelity. "Sorry we had to drag you into this. You're not, by any chance, going to tell Adam about any of this?" When Ashley doesn't reply, Tommy adds, panicked, "ARE YOU?!"

   "No!" Ashley lays her hand over Tommy's. "This is really none of my business, and I don't want to get in the middle of it. I won't tell Adam anything. But I think you two had better do something about this before he gets back and finds out what's going on from putting two and two together."

   Tommy nods silently. "I'm sorry, Sauli. I didn't mean to fight with you."

   "I'm sorry, too, Kitty." Getting up, Sauli walks around the table to where Tommy is sitting. They hug each other tightly. "I'm sorry I pulled your hair out."

   "Sorry I scratched you," Tommy answers. He kisses Sauli on the lips, a short, sweet kiss. He stands up, pulling Sauli along with him. "Let's get some ice for your jaw; it's looking pretty bad."

   Once they both clean themselves up and get ice on their wounds, they go into the living room with Ashley.

   "Could I ask you something?" Ashley asks Tommy.

   "Depends on what it is." Tommy pulls his feet up on the leather couch, wrapping his arms around his knees.

   "When did this start with Isaac? And why?" Ashley crosses her arms, settling back in the recliner.

   Tommy picks at a callus on his fingertip, stalling. "When Adam started dating Sauli, I was insanely jealous. So I thought, 'If Adam has Sauli, then I can have Isaac.' I think Isaac picked up on my feelings about Adam and Sauli's relationship, and he was, actually, the one who made the first move. The first time we fucked, it was on the bus. And, at the time, I didn't know it, but Adam knew what was going on. He walked right by my bunk when we were having sex. And I guess it was pretty obvious what we were doing." Tommy pauses, deciding how much more to tell. Looking over at Sauli, Tommy can see that he is really listening, trying to understand. He continues, "Adam got really pissed. He talked to me about it. I told him to fuck off; what I do and who I do it with is none of his business. Adam kissed me that night. Really kissed me. Like, not how he used to do on stage, ya know? It was more...meaningful." Tommy bites his lip, lost in memories. "That's when I knew that Adam really, truly cared for me. And as more than just a friend. He wanted more than friendship. But because I was so stupid he-"

   "Wait," Ashley cuts in. "What do you mean, 'you were so stupid?'"

   "The day I walked into auditions," Tommy explains, "Adam was checking me out. I knew he was gay, so I blurted out, 'I'm straight!' Adam laughed at that. He thought it was hilarious. It wasn't funny to me, though, 'cause I thought he was hot." Tommy sighs, examining his chipped black polish on his fingernails. "There was so much sexual tension between us, though. Because I liked him, and I knew Adam was always one for breaking the rules, I told him he could do anything he wanted to me on stage. The AMA's was the first time we kissed. After the show, Adam came up to me, worried that I would be pissed about his impromptu kiss. I told him it was cool. Then I kissed him again. He was shocked, which was unusual, because very rarely can anything ever shock him."

   "So that became a thing for you two, then. The kissing, I mean," Ashley surmises.

   "Yeah. He asked me if I was okay with more kissing. I was like, yeah, totally. Who wouldn't want Adam Lambert kissing them?" Tommy shrugs. "But because I was stupid, telling him that 'I'm straight,' he never thought I wanted more. I always knew Adam had a thing for me, though. And by the way, he wasn't the one who came up with the idea, 'the kissing and groping on stage is for the fans.' Adam's manager came up with that. And Adam just went along with it. Clever excuse, right?" Tommy smiles bitterly. "I could have been dating him all these years. But the fact that I was, and technically still am, straight went public. And now, no one can ever know that I'm Adam's boyfriend. We all have to live in secret because of me." Tommy curls into a ball, hiding his tear-filled eyes from Sauli and Ashley. "All I wanted was to be wanted," Tommy whispers quietly.

   Sauli has never heard any of this before. He knew that Tommy had always loved Adam, but he never realized all this had happened. No wonder Tommy had hated Sauli when Adam and him had started dating. Sauli moves closer to Tommy from the other end of the couch. Rubbing his back, he murmurs, "Oh, Tommy. You never told me any of this. C'mere." Taking Tommy into his arms, Sauli holds him tightly, stroking his purple hair comfortingly.

   Tommy sniffs, depressed. "At least I have Adam now. And I have you." He looks up at Sauli. "I never thought I would be dating 'Rockstar Adam Lambert,' let alone a hot Finnish model." He hugs Sauli back. "I really am sorry for fighting," he whispers. "We'll work things out. Everything'll be okay."

   Sauli nods in agreement. "I love you, Tommy."

   "I love you, too, Sauli," Tommy replies, burying his head in Sauli's warm shoulder. _Everything will be okay,_ he tries to reassure himself. _As long as Adam does not find out._

  

  

  

　


	12. I Need You Now

**Title of the Series:** _Scars Make Us Who We Are_

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

 **Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

 **Pairing:** Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

 **Rating:** MA18+

 **Summary:** Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

 **Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

 **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

 

 

** CHAPTER TWELVE **

__

_I Need You Now_

 

 

   The rest of the week passes quickly, and before Adam knows it, he is packing his bags Friday morning, getting ready to head home. Kris left to get his stuff from his room. They are driving home together; Kris will be in the backseat of Marc's car with Adam the entire way home. Kris had a little fight with his manager, John, about it. But, like Adam pointed out, they cannot tell Kris what he can and cannot do.

   Adam and Kris spent every one of the past nights together, talking, sharing stories, and having sex.

   Last night was bittersweet. They both had to go home, Adam to Sauli and Tommy, and Kris to Katy. They had started to talk about how they would see each other when they got back home, but that hurt too much, so they replaced the talking with sex.

   Adam still doesn't know what's going to happen when they get back home, but he knows that he wants to continue seeing Kris. Sighing, Adam lays back on the bed, running a hand through his blonde hair. How is he going to keep his relationship with Kris a secret? He shudders to think what would happen if Tommy and Sauli ever found out.

   A knock on the door startles Adam out of his thoughts. When he opens the door, Kris is standing there, grinning cutely. "Krissifer!" Grabbing Kris' hand, he pulls him into the room and onto the bed. Wrapping his arms and legs around Kris, who is on top of him, Adam pecks several kisses on his lips. Kris rests his forehead against Adam's, his hands traveling over Adam's body. Adam grinds into Kris in response.

   A little breathlessly, Kris whispers, "I don't want to leave you."

   Adam kisses him, shoving his tongue down Kris' throat. "I don't want you to leave," Adam answers. "I need you _now_." He pulls Kris' head to his, joining their lips in a warm, lingering kiss. "I want you so bad, Krissifer."

   Kris moans. "God, I love it when you call me that."

   "Krissifer?" Adam asks, smiling when Kris nods. "Krissifer, Krissifer," he teases. "Don't you want me?" He pouts.

   Kris tries to control himself, to no avail. He grinds into Adam. "Yes, dammit! I want you!" He slips his fingers into the waistband of Adam's jeans, touching his hip.

   "That is hot," Adam growls. He kind of likes having Kris on top, letting him take control. He can feel Kris' erection pressing against his own.

   Stopping his small kisses down Adam's neck, Kris looks up at him. "Did I tell you how much that blonde hair turns me on?"

   Adam smiles widely. "No...but I think I can feel it."

   Kris blushes.

   Adam presses his lips to Kris' ear, biting gently, then flicking his tongue around the curve of his ear. "We're going to have to work on that shyness...but then again, maybe not. I like making you blush."

   "And you have no shame, Lambert," Kris replies, his fingers moving to touch the base of Adam's cock.

   Adam, choosing to ignore that last statement, raises his hips, wanting Kris to wrap his hand around his whole length. Kris slips his hands out, much to Adam's annoyance, and begins unbuttoning Adam's jeans. Adam lets Kris undress him, happy now that he knows why Kris took his hands out of his pants.

   Kris tugs the tight material down over Adam's hips, joking, "Could these get any tighter?"

   "You're lucky I'm not wearing my leather ones," Adam jokes back. He reaches over to unbutton Kris' jeans, fingering the hairs under his navel. Somehow, both their shirts are off already. "Sexy," he murmurs.

   Kris laughs lightly. "Your freckles are sexy."

   Adam scrunches his nose up, making a face. "I hate my freckles."

   "Adam!" Kris runs his hands up and down Adam's arms. "I like your freckles."

   "You do?" Adam raises a skeptical eyebrow.

   Kris nods. "Can I show you how much I like them?"

   "I like the sound of where this is going." Adam grins, tightening his hold around Kris' neck and grinding into him slowly.

   Kris disentangles himself from Adam's legs, which are still wrapped around his waist. He kicks off his jeans and boxers, placing Adam's legs back around him. As Kris presses himself closer to the older man, Adam's dick rubs against his abdomen. "Oh, Adam," Kris moans.

   Adam joins their lips together, kissing Kris hotly. He moves his hips back and forth, his leaking cock sliding across Kris' naked torso. "Fuck me," Adam whispers. Just as Kris begins pushing the tip of his cock into Adam, a loud knock sounds on the door.

   "Goddammit!" Adam curses, quickly sliding out from under Kris. He has just enough time to pull the duvet over their naked bodies before Monte walks into the room. "You bastard!" Adam yells. "Why do you always have to walk in at the most inopportune times?"

   Ignoring the irate singer, Monte picks Adam's bags up off of the floor. "Do you need anything from these before I take them out to the car?"

   "Fuck you!" Adam flings back the duvet, careful not to expose Kris, and marches angrily over to his manager. Grabbing the bags back, he throws them back down on the floor. He glares at Monte, folding his arms across his naked chest.

   Monte sets his mouth in a thin line, pissed. "Put some clothes on. We're leaving in five minutes." He turns sharply, slamming the door behind him.

   "Fuck you, you bastard!" Adam screams at the door. He throws himself on the bed, burying his head in his hands. "Sorry, Krissy," he mumbles.

   Kris rubs Adam's shoulder, not really sure what else to do. "Let's go. I can rent a hotel room when we get back to L.A."

   Adam looks up at him hopefully. "You're not going home to Katy?"

   Glancing away, Kris shrugs noncommittally. "I guess not. At least not anytime in the near future."

   Confused, Adam asks, "What do you mean?"

   "She texted me this morning. I have to find somewhere else to stay for the time being." Kris chews on his lip, a little embarrassed at having to tell Adam he got kicked out of his own house.

   "She kicked you out?!" Adam is shocked. How could Katy do that? Suddenly, he comes up with an idea, exclaiming, "Then you can stay at my house!"

   Kris' brown eyes widen. "I-I can't do that!"

   "Why not?" Adam demands. "It'll be fun!"

   "If Katy finds out, she'll be even more pissed off than she already is! And besides, I don't think your boyfriends would take too kindly to having me stay there." Kris frowns, thinking. "I could just get a hotel room somewhere nearby your house. Then you could come over whenever you want."

   "But it would be better if you stayed at my place! I won't charge you rent," Adam points out jokingly. "And Tommy and Sauli won't care."

   "Are you sure?" Kris asks, worried. "What about Katy? She'll eventually find out I'm staying with you."

   "Lie," Adam replies, like it's the simplest thing in the world. At Kris' shocked expression, he continues, "Tell her you're renting a hotel room. Just don't tell her where. She doesn't have to know everything." Adam gets up, pulling his clothes on.

   Following suit, Kris asks again, "You're sure it'll be okay? I won't be imposing, will I?"

   "Of course not!" Adam laughs, fixing his eyeliner in the mirror. "You're my best friend, Kris. Tommy and Sauli just can't know what went on this week."

   Kris swallows nervously at that last statement. What exactly does Adam mean by 'best friend'? Are they not more than 'friends' after sleeping together for all these nights? He never really talked to Adam about what this all means. Was Adam just using him for the sex? Steeling himself, Kris asks lightly, "Best friend?"

   Adam glances up, looking at Kris' reflection in the mirror. Setting his liquid eyeliner pen down, he turns around, cocking his head. "I didn't know if you felt comfortable with me calling you anything else."

   "Adam," Kris says, "we've had sex how many times. Why wouldn't I feel comfortable with you calling me something more than your best friend?"

   Adam grins. "So you don't have a problem with being called my boyfriend?"

   Kris feels as if his heart stops beating for a moment. "No, no problem," he replies, smiling. He holds out his arms and Adam steps into them. Kris wraps his arms around Adam's waist, pressing his lips to the older man's.

   Adam kisses him back, draping his arms around Kris' neck. He bites Kris' lower lip playfully. "We'd better get going before my managers take off without us."

   Kris laughs, taking Adam's hand and intertwining their fingers together. "They wouldn't actually do that, would they?"

   "Who knows!" Adam kisses him once more, giving Kris' hand a squeeze before letting go.

   "Adam," Kris says, putting a hand on Adam's shoulder to stop him from walking out the door.

   "Yeah?" Adam turns around to face Kris.

   Kris hugs him, whispering in his ear, "I love you."

   Swallowing thickly, Adam returns the hug. "I love you, too," he replies. As they walk out of the room together, the door shutting firmly behind them, Adam cannot help the thought that crosses his mind. _What the hell have I gotten myself into?_

                                                                 

* * *

 

   Sauli wakes up to an empty bed. He glances around the room groggily, wondering where Tommy went. The digital clock on the bedside table reads 8:35--still relatively early. "Tommy?" he calls out.

   A mumbled reply comes back.

   "Where are you, Kitty?" Sauli, not bothering to put any clothes on, walks over to the bathroom, where it sounded like Tommy's voice had come from. He knocks on the closed door. "You in there?"

   "Yeah," Tommy answers.

   Trying the door, Sauli finds it unlocked. Stepping into the spacious bathroom, he sees Tommy in front of the mirror naked, applying his make-up. "You're up early," Sauli comments cautiously. Things are still a little tense between them, even though it has been several days since their intense bitch-fight. They have had a few arguments over the past couple of days, some worse than others. Sauli doesn't know how they are going to keep this hidden from Adam; it's obvious that things are not right between him and Tommy.

   "Yeah, I guess I am." Tommy finishes applying the third coat of mascara to his eyelashes, finally glancing up at Sauli. "I wanna be ready when Adam comes home. Ya know, look good and all for him. Make him feel guilty for leaving us for a whole week."

   Sauli nods. "He should feel guilty already. We haven't talked to him for how many days! He hasn't even called us."

   Tommy takes Sauli's hand, linking his fingers through the younger man's. "He's being a total asshole. Who knows what the fuck he's doing himself!"

   Sauli follows Tommy into the bedroom, laying down on the bed beside him. He cuddles into him, hooking a leg over Tommy's hip. "I don't understand why he hasn't called us."

   "Whatever," Tommy mutters. "Fuck him. He can go to hell."

   Sauli runs his fingers through Tommy's purple hair, burying his face in his neck and breathing in the smell of sex. Him and Tommy slept together last night for the

first time in days. They had sex to show that they forgave and still loved each other after all that had happened. Sauli pecks a kiss on Tommy's mouth, saying, "I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat."

   After they have eaten breakfast, they go into the living room to watch a movie. Tommy flips through the DVDs on the shelf, looking for one of his horror films he hasn't seen in a while. Without consulting Sauli, he pulls out _Texas Chainsaw Massacre_ and loads the disk into the player.

   "What did you pick?" Sauli asks, glancing over at Tommy as he sits down beside him.

   Knowing full well that Sauli does not like horror movies, Tommy shrugs noncommittally. "It's a surprise."

   Sauli narrows his eyes suspiciously at Tommy. "It better not be one of your creepy horror flicks."

   "You can bury your head in my lap during the scary parts," Tommy says, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

   Sauli sticks his tongue out. "Which one is it?"

   Tommy points to the TV, where the main menu has come up.

   "I don't recognize it." Sauli does not like the looks of the mutilated dolls on the screen. "Thomas Joseph Ratliff! Tell me what you think we're watching this instant!"

   " _Texas Chainsaw Massacre_ ," Tommy says in an eerie voice. "Inspired by a true story."

   "No!" Sauli stands up abruptly, only to be pulled back down by Tommy's hand on his arm.

   "You have to watch it!" Tommy puts an arm around Sauli's shoulders, pulling him in close. He hits play on the remote, kissing Sauli on the forehead before fixating his eyes on the screen.

   "Fine," Sauli mutters, already holding his hands up to cover his eyes. "But I get to pick the next one."

   Several hours and many movies later, Tommy stands up and stretches, trying to work the kinks out of his neck. Sauli made them watch _Sex and the City_ , _Legally Blonde_ , and _Valentine's Day_ , much to Tommy's dismay. And much to Sauli's terror, Tommy picked out _Friday the 13th_ , _The Exorcist_ , and _A Nightmare on Elm Street_ , along with _Texas Chainsaw Massacre_.

   Sauli is still curled on the couch, his head buried in the white suede, trying to forget the last chilling scene from _A Nightmare on Elm Street_ of Freddy Krueger bursting through the mirror in a wash of blood.

   As Tommy snaps the DVD back in its case, he gets a wicked idea. Sneaking behind Sauli, he scrapes his fingernails lightly against the back of his neck, whispering in his best imitation of Freddy's voice, "I'm your worst nightmare..."

   Bolting up in fear, Sauli lets out an ear-piercing scream and runs out of the living room.

   Laughing, Tommy chases after him, catching the back of Sauli's shirt as he rounds the doorway into the kitchen. Sauli screams again, pulling free of Tommy's grip and running into the dining room. He knocks a chair down in Tommy's path, leaving him a couple of minutes to escape into the entrance and out the front door.

   Tommy chases him around the back of the house, continuing to repeat lines from the movie. "I'm coming to get you...You can't run from me!" They run around the house several times before Tommy gets close enough touch Sauli on the shoulder. "Freddy's going to get you!" he yells, laughing.

   Sauli screams again, attracting stares from the pedestrians walking down the sidewalk. "Stop!" he screeches, letting out a bloodcurdling scream when Tommy grabs his arm and pulls him down on the ground. He struggles against Tommy, screaming unnecessarily.

   Tommy laughs, holding Sauli in a tight embrace. "I was just joking! You know I love you!" He tickles Sauli, making him scream again. Suddenly, Tommy stops.

   Looking up, Sauli punches Tommy on the shoulder. "Had enough, bitch?" he jokes.

   In answer, Tommy nods his head in the direction of the driveway.

   Sauli turns around, swallowing nervously when he recognizes the car that has just pulled in. He stands up, brushing the dirt and grass off his jeans. Tommy does the same. As Adam steps out of the car, they start to run up to him, only to stop when they see the other man who climbs out after Adam.

 


	13. Save Me 'Cause I'm Falling

**Title of the Series:** _Scars Make Us Who We Are_

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

 **Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

 **Pairing:** Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

 **Rating:** MA18+

 **Summary:** Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

 **Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

 **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

 

 

** CHAPTER THIRTEEN **

__

_Save Me 'Cause I'm Falling_

 

 

   A smile comes over Adam's face when he sees his two boyfriends standing there. Holding out his arms, he calls, "Are you going to come give me a hug?" Tommy and Sauli rush into his open arms, clutching him tightly. "I've missed you guys so much!" Adam holds them tight, nuzzling his face between their heads.

   "We've missed you, too, Adam," Sauli says, his face buried in Adam's chest.

   Tommy wraps his arms around Adam's waist, not caring if the neighbors see. "Don't ever go away again."

   Adam laughs. "What were you guys doing when we drove up? Were you behaving yourselves?"

   Tommy grins at Sauli. "Of course! Don't we always?"

   Sauli sticks his tongue out at Tommy playfully. "He was pretending he was Freddy Krueger, Adam! He was chasing me around the yard!"

   Stuggling to hold back his laughter at Sauli's hurt expression, Adam tries to frown disapprovingly at Tommy. He fails miserably. "Tommy!" he laughs. To Sauli, he says, "It's okay, baby. Adam's here now."

   Tommy, not recognizing Kris, whispers to Adam, "Who is this dude?"

   Adam pulls back, looking at Tommy funny. "You don't recognize him?"

   Tommy shakes his head.

   Adam lets go of his tight hold on his boyfriends, pulling Kris forward. "Kris Allen? The man who I lost the American Idol title to?" he jokes, grinning at Kris.

   Kris laughs, holding out his hand to Tommy. "Nice to meet you." Turning to Sauli, he exchanges greetings with him also.

   "Will you excuse us for a minute?" Adam asks Kris, leading Tommy and Sauli into the house when Kris nods. Adam sits down on the love seat in the entrance of the house. Sauli and Tommy take a seat on either side of him.

   "Not to be rude, but...Why is he here?" Tommy looks quizzically at Adam.

   Adam sighs. "I told him he could stay here."

   "What?" Sauli asks, shocked. Tommy's expression mirrors Sauli's.

   "Him and his wife are having problems," Adam says quietly. "Katy kicked him out, and he doesn't have any place to stay. So..." Adam trails off, shrugging.

   "Oh." Tommy shares a look with Sauli. "By the way, when did you dye your hair?" He fingers Adam's blonde spikes.

   "When did you dye yours?" Adam replies, teasing him.

   "I asked you first!" Tommy cuddles into Adam, looking up at him from under his thick, black eyelashes.

   "Couple days ago. Just wanted a change," Adam explains. "Mainly to piss Monte and Marc off."

   Sauli answers for Tommy, "Tommy did his a couple days ago, too."

   Adam winds a strand of Tommy's purple fringe around his index finger. "I like it."

   Tommy shivers in pleasure, unable to ignore the sexual insinuation behind Adam's words. "How much do you like it?" Tommy asks coyly.

   A naughty look comes over Adam's face. "I can't show you right at this moment," he whispers hotly in Tommy's ear. "But you'll see how much later tonight."

   Tommy laughs, burying his head in Adam's neck.

   After a moment, Sauli pokes Adam's arm, causing the singer to look over at his boyfriend curiously. "We have guests."

   Adam furrows his eyebrows, confused. "What are you talking about, Sauli?"

   "Katri and my sister came to visit." Sauli looks up at his boyfriend with his big, blue eyes. "You don't mind do you?"

   "I wish you would've told me," Adam replies, still holding Tommy tight. He puts his other arm around Sauli, kissing his forehead.

   "I forgot," Sauli mumbles, ignoring the disapproving look on Tommy's face. "Sorry," he adds.

   "It's fine, baby," Adam says. Standing up, he runs a hand through his hair. "I'd better get Kris situated."

   Back outside, Adam grabs his bags, telling Kris, "Follow me. I'll show you where you can stay." Adam leads the way through his house to the second floor guest rooms. Passing by his room, he throws his bags on the floor, intending to take care of them later. Stepping into the room next to his, he flips the light switch on. "You can stay here."

   Kris sets his bags down on the bed, going over to where Adam is standing. He shuts the door, turning the lock. Twisting his fingers with Adam's, Kris searches his eyes. "I love you, Adam."

   Adam rests his forehead against Kris'. "I love you, Kris."

   "You're boyfriends won't suspect anything, will they?" Kris asks quietly.

   "Not if we're careful." Adam touches his lips hesitantly to Kris'. Cupping the back of Adam's neck, Kris deepens the kiss. Adam moans softly, allowing Kris to man-handle him onto the bed. Wrapping his legs around Kris' waist, Adam presses his erection into the younger man's crotch. He tangles his fingers in Kris' hair, smashing their mouths together in an intense lip-lock.

   "I want you so bad, Adam," Kris murmurs, his lips brushing the curve of Adam's ear.

   Adam rubs against Kris in response. He kisses him slowly, suddenly stopping when he hears voices outside in the hall. _What the fuck am I doing? I'm about to have sex with Kris when my boyfriends are downstairs!_ He pushes Kris off of him. "We can't be doing this." Adam runs a hand through his hair shakily.

   Kris stumbles off the bed, trying to calm his breathing. "I'm sorry, Adam. I understand." He tries putting his arms around Adam, only to be pushed away.

   Adam's lip trembles. "I-I can't do this," he stutters, rushing out of the room. He manages to get to his bathroom without meeting anyone in the hallway. Locking the door, he leans against the wall. He presses his palms into his eyes, which are starting to tear up. A small sob escapes from his tightly closed lips. He sinks to the floor, overwhelmed. _What have I done? I've ruined my relationship with the two people I care most about in this world. Yet, I don't want to give up Kris. I really do love him._ Completely distraught, Adam finally lets the tears come.

 

* * *

 

   "When are you going to tell him about Heikki?" Tommy whispers fiercely.

   "When are you going to tell him about Isaac?" Sauli shoots back, his arms crossed in front of his chest defensively.

   Tommy heaves a sigh, glaring at Sauli.

   Sauli sticks his tongue out at Tommy, his cute nose wrinkled up.

   "Oh, stop acting like a child!" Tommy snaps. "He's going to find out about Heikki! For fuck's sake, he's still in this house! You don't think Adam is going to come face to face with him in all the time your Finnish friends are staying here?"

   "You think I'm stupid?!" Sauli hisses. "I'm getting him a hotel room!"

   "And how do you think you're going to sneak him out of this house without Adam noticing? Put a bag over his head and hope Adam doesn't pay any attention to a walking paper bag? Or maybe you should just take care of the problem right now and instead of paper, make that a plastic bag!" Tommy cocks an eyebrow, pursing his lips moodily and narrowing his eyes.

   "Well, maybe I should take care of the problem standing right in front of me! How would you prefer to go--suffocation by a plastic garbage bag or severe mutilation by a six-inch carving knife like so many of your favorite horror movies seem to center around?" Sauli's face is flaming red, he is so pissed off at Tommy.

   "Fuck off! At least my secret boyfriend isn't in this house at this very moment!" Tommy says, remembering to keep his voice down a notch.

   "I'll take care of it! Why can't you just leave me alone?!" Sauli shouts, tears forming in his eyes.

   Tommy's reply is cut off by the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs.

   "What is going on?!" Adam exclaims, shocked by the anger rolling off both his boyfriends in waves.

   "Now you've done it!" Tommy hisses under his breath.

   "I've done it?!" Sauli sputters angrily.

   Adam puts his arms between Tommy and Sauli, spreading his arms out to push them away from each other. "What the hell is going on? I come home and not thirty minutes later, you're ready to tear each other's hair out!"

   Sauli glares at Tommy, blinking back the tears that are threatening to spill down his face.

   "Now is somebody going to tell me what's going on?" Adam asks, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

   Tommy purses his lips, turning his head away from Adam. Sauli does the same.

   Adam sighs, exasperated. "Fine! I don't have the energy to deal with either one of you right now!"

   Tommy glances quickly at Adam, scared that Adam is going to lose his temper and blow up at both him and Sauli. But what he notices is that Adam's make-up is wiped off, and his eyes are slightly red, as if he has been crying. Tommy looks at Adam, really looks at him. He can tell something is wrong. He doesn't say anything though.

   Inadvertently catching Sauli's gaze, Tommy stares at him for a moment, and he knows that Sauli has seen the same thing. They both know there is something going on with Adam.

   "I'm sorry, Adam," Sauli apologizes quietly, his pretty blue eyes full of sorrow.

   "I'm sorry, too," Tommy echoes, not about to let Sauli be the good boyfriend.

   Adam sighs, running a hand through his blonde hair. "I still want to know what this fighting is all about. But right now, I have other things to deal with. Can you please just behave?"

   Tommy nods mutely.

   "Kyllä," Sauli whispers.

   "Okay." Adam gives them both one last, long look before walking out the door.

   No sooner than Adam is gone, Tommy glares at Sauli, turning to go upstairs. "Just so you know, I would prefer severe mutilation with a meat cleaver."

   Sauli sticks his tongue out as Tommy stomps up the stairs.


	14. Nights Are Getting Colder

**Title of the Series:** _Scars Make Us Who We Are_

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

 **Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

 **Pairing:** Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

 **Rating:** MA18+

 **Summary:** Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

 **Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

 **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

 

 

** CHAPTER FOURTEEN **

__

_Nights Are Getting Colder_

 

 

   "I'm having a barbeque this weekend for Memorial Day, and you're both invited," Adam tells his managers outside.

   Monte nods. "Sunday?"

   "Yeah." Adam grabs his last bag from the car. "Come over around noon."

   "Okay," Marc says, turning the key in the ignition. "We'll be here."

   "See you then," Monte says as Marc backs the car out of the driveway.

   Adam turns back to the house, still wondering what Tommy and Sauli could possibly have been fighting about. Chewing on his bottom lip, he goes upstairs to his bedroom. No sign of Tommy or Sauli. Sighing, he begins unpacking his bags.

   Once everything is put in its proper place, Adam walks down to the kitchen. He pours himself a glass of water, sipping it slowly. A glance out the french doors leading to the backyard answers his question of where Sauli is. Katri and Sauli's sister, Saara, are laying on the lounge chairs, while Sauli's head of blonde hair is just visible above the clear blue water of the pool. Narrowing his eyes, he does a double take. _Who is the other blonde swimming in the pool with Sauli?_

   Frowning, Adam opens the door a fraction of an inch, straining to make out the conversation. Sauli is talking to the other guy in Finnish. So the dude is obviously Finnish, which means he most likely came here with Katri and Saara. _But why wouldn't Sauli say anything about him?_

   Deciding to get to the bottom of this, Adam takes a breath before walking out onto the patio. "Hey," he greets the girls.

   They both stand up, smiles on their faces. "Hello, Adam!" Katri exclaims, giving him a hug. "How are you?"

   "Good. How are you?" Adam hugs Katri back. Turning to Saara, he holds out his arms.

   "Hi, Adam!" Saara says, hugging Adam tightly.

   Out of the corner of his eye, Adam notices Sauli watching him. "When did you guys get here?" Adam asks the girls.

   "Tuesday," Katri replies, sitting back down.

   Adam takes a seat on the lounge chair next to her, kicking off his sandals and reclining back. He watches as first Sauli, then the other guy, climb out of the pool. The two blondes walk over to Adam, water dripping off their tanned, toned bodies. Adam can now get a better look at the mystery guy. He has an awesome body, no doubt about that. Completely ripped and _sexy_.

   "Adam," Sauli says, "this is Heikki."

   Adam stands up, shaking Heikki's offered hand. "Hi."

   "Heikki is Saara's boyfriend," Sauli says, glancing over at Katri and earning a disapproving look.

   Adam nods, little warning bells going off in his head. His gaydar is telling him that Heikki is most definitely _not_ straight. "Sauli? Can I talk to you for second?"

   Sauli's eyes widen almost imperceptibly. "Okay."

   When they're both seated at the table in the kitchen, Adam begins, "Why didn't you tell me about Heikki when you told me about Katri and Saara?"

   Sauli shrugs, avoiding Adam's steady gaze. "I guess it just slipped my mind."

   Adam purses his lips, nodding once. That's when he notices Sauli's face for the first time. "What happened to the side of your face? There's a big scratch."

   Sauli swallows hard. Putting a hand up to rub the spot where Tommy scratched him several days ago, he replies, "It was an accident. I, uh, fell off the bed and scratched myself on the nightstand."

   Adam bites his bottom lip. He knows that's a lie. Not wanting to get into it at the moment, he asks, "What were you and Tommy fighting about?"

   Sauli clears his throat. "Um...Nothing?" It comes out sounding like a question.

   Adam raises his eyebrows skeptically. "It sure didn't sound like nothing. You were ready to start tearing each other's hair out."

   Sauli looks up at Adam from under his lashes. "We just got in a fight. It was stupid."

   "Why can't you tell me what you were fighting about?" Adam persists.

   "I don't want to talk about it!" Sauli shouts suddenly, standing up and storming out into the hallway.

   Adam sits there for several minutes, shocked over Sauli's outburst. Still reeling from the Sauli's uncharacteristic mini-meltdown, Adam goes upstairs to Tommy's bat-cave. The door, of course, is shut tight, and when Adam tries the knob, locked. Straining his ears, he can make out the faint sound of an unamplified electric guitar being played. He knocks gently. The guitar stops.

   A minute later, the door is opened a fraction of an inch and Tommy's brown eyes are visible in the crack. "Yeah?"

   "Can I come in, Tommy?" Adam asks, his arms crossed in front of his chest to show that he means business.

   In answer, Tommy opens the door wider, standing back several feet to let Adam in.

   Adam takes a seat on the edge of the bed. Tommy sits next to him, leaving several feet of space between them.

   "What were you and Sauli fighting about?" Adam questions.

   Tommy turns his head away, his hair falling in front of his face to shield his eyes from Adam. "Nothing," he mumbles.

   Adam sighs. "That wasn't nothing, Tommy."

   "Don't concern yourself with it," Tommy replies flatly. "We've apologized to each other. It's over."

   "Don't be getting sassy with me, Tommy Joe," Adam says, trying to control his temper.

   "I'm not!" Tommy insists.

   Adam only looks at him. Deciding to change the subject, Adam says, "Who is Heikki?"

   "Saara's boyfriend," Tommy answers without missing a beat.

   Adam sighs again, standing up. "Fine."

   Tommy looks up at Adam quickly, his expression guarded. "What do you mean?"

   "Just what I said," Adam replies coolly. With that, he walks out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

 

* * *

 

   Tommy is sitting on the couch after a very tense dinner. He glances over at Sauli, who is typing on his phone, sitting on the floor next to the other side of the couch. He takes a long swig out of the glass he's holding. Nothing like his favorite whiskey to help calm his nerves.

   Over dinner, the tension was palpable. Adam didn't talk to either Tommy or Sauli. In fact, he barely said five words throughout the whole meal. And as soon as he was finished pushing the food around on his plate to make it look like he ate, he went upstairs and hasn't come down since.

   And to top it off, Tommy now has to deal with yet another person he doesn't know staying here. Needless to say, he's pretty pissed that Adam offered Kris the bedroom upstairs next to the bedroom he shares with him and Sauli.

   Where does that leave Tommy now? Nobody is supposed to know about their three-way relationship.

   Tommy takes another drink of whiskey. Then, he feels his phone buzzing in his back pocket. Sliding it out, he checks the screen. One new message.

 

_-I miss you, beb._

 

   Isaac.

   Tommy taps out a reply.

 

_-I miss u, 2, beb. We'll c ea. other on Sun. tho. :)_

 

   Tommy is just about to slip his phone back in his pocket when it buzzes again. Glancing over at Sauli, he sees the Finn's pretty blue eyes staring back at him, suspicion clearly evident in his steady gaze. Tommy makes a face at him before turning back to his phone. Isaac's message contains only a single question mark.

 

_-Adam's having a BBQ on Sun. Ur invited, along with the rest of the band. xo, Tommy_

_-But we won't be able 2 do what I want... ;)_

_-At least we'll be 2gether. :) Luv u._

_-Luv u, 2_

 

   Tommy slides the phone into his pocket, tipping his glass to his lips to drink the last of the alcohol. Standing up, he announces, "I'm going to bed."

   "At 10:30?" Sauli asks, without looking up from his phone.

   "I'm tired," Tommy responds. "Besides, I want to get reacquainted with our boyfriend."

   Sauli glances up at Tommy at that last statement, and for the first time all night, smiles at him. "Good idea."

   Tommy smiles back, holding out his hand. He doesn't feel the least bit guilty about his texts with Isaac. What Adam doesn't know won't hurt him. _But Sauli knows,_ Tommy reminds himself. _And there's a very good possiblity that Adam will eventually find out what's going on._

   Sauli takes hold of Tommy's outstretched hand, intertwining their fingers together. Tommy leads them upstairs, knocking softly on the door to the bedroom they share with Adam. Opening the door slowly, Tommy and Sauli pad quietly into the room, stopping at the foot of the king-sized bed.

   Adam is on his laptop, typing. A minute passes before he flips the top down and finally looks up at his boyfriends. He is in pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. Both are jet black, contrasting sharply with his blonde hair. As his smoky grey eyes meet both his boyfriends', he raises his dark eyebrows questioningly. "Yes?"

   "Can we cuddle?" Sauli asks timidly.

   "Please?" Tommy adds, just as timidly.

   Adam purses his lips, his tongue tracing the inside of his cheek. "I suppose you can."

   Tommy and Sauli both crawl onto the bed, one on each side of Adam. They cuddle into him, their heads resting on each of Adam's shoulders. Adam puts his arms around both his boyfriends, holding them close.

   Tommy inhales the warm scent of vanilla that is clinging to Adam. He can tell Adam just came out of the shower. He presses himself closer to his boyfriend; the scent of Adam's vanilla shampoo always turns him on.

   Adam nuzzles his face in Tommy's purple hair, then turns to do the same to Sauli's blonde curls. He pulls back the duvet, pushing it down to the foot of the bed. Pulling the sheets out from under them, Adam snuggles into bed, Tommy and Sauli following suit. "Aren't you going to put your pajamas on?" Adam asks them.

   "We'll just sleep naked," Sauli whispers, already wriggling out of his jeans and t-shirt.

   Tommy kisses Adam on the cheek before removing his clothes and tossing them on the floor. Pressing his leaking cock against Adam's warm, pajama-clad thigh, he adds, "Yeah, sleeping naked is better than having all these pesky clothes between us."

   Adam chuckles low in his throat, amused at his boyfriends' not subtle hints. "So let me guess; you want me naked."

   Tommy nods his head vigorously. Sauli pecks a kiss on Adam's cheek.

   Adam pulls his shirt off, then his pants, tossing both out of the bed. Completely naked, Adam cuddles both Tommy and Sauli close to him.

   Tommy snuggles into Adam's warm chest, his hand trailing down Adam's abdomen. His fingers gently brush the tender skin where Adam's leg meets his groin. He rests his hand fully on Adam's cock, disappointed to find that Adam isn't even hard. _What the hell?_ Tommy thinks. He can feel Sauli's hand against his own, and he is sure that Sauli is having the same thoughts. Pressing his lips to Adam's neck, he trails kisses over his collar bone, then up to his ear, his tongue flicking out to tease the folds of Adam's ear. He squeezes Adam's cock, experimenting. _Still not hard!_

   Only more determined now, Tommy lifts a leg over one of Adam's, grinding his erection into Adam's thigh. One hand still on Adam's flaccid cock, he uses his other hand to finger Adam's pierced nipples. Bringing his fingers to his lips, he wets them with his tongue, then rolls Adam's nipple between his slick fingers. Squeezing Adam's cock again, he can feel it's a little harder, but not much.

   Sighing in exasperation, Tommy sits up in bed. "Adam?" he whispers.

   No answer.

   "Adam!" Tommy whispers louder.

   Still no answer.

   "Tommy?" Sauli says, sitting up in bed, too. "I don't think he's awake."

   "What?!" Tommy exclaims loudly, not caring if he wakes Adam up.

   "He's all limp, like he's sleeping," Sauli says, disappointment evident in his voice.

   Tommy shoves Adam roughly. "Ass," he mutters.

   "No kidding," Sauli grumbles, laying back down.

   Tommy pushes Adam's arm away from his pillow, pissed off that Adam can't even stay awake to have sex with his boyfriends, who he hasn't seen in a fucking week! Out of spite, Tommy elbows Adam in the ribs, feeling a small bit of triumph when Adam mumbles what sounds like 'Ow.'

   "Goodnight, Tommy," Sauli whispers from the other side of the bed.

   "'Night," Tommy whispers back, tears already forming in his eyes. "Nights are getting colder," he sings very quietly to himself. Turning around with his back to Adam, he buries his face in the pillow and cries himself to sleep.


	15. I'll Love You Always

**Title of the Series:** _Scars Make Us Who We Are_

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

 **Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

 **Pairing:** Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

 **Rating:** MA18+

 **Summary:** Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

 **Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

 **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

 

 

** CHAPTER FIFTEEN **

__

_I'll Love You Always_

 

 

   Tommy is awakened to a hand stroking his cock. It's still dark in the bedroom, yet the clock on the nightstand reads nine a.m. A loud clap of thunder shakes the house then, and that is when he realizes that all that noise he hears above him is rain hitting the roof of the house. His back is still to both of his boyfriends. Glancing down, he sees Adam's arm wrapped around his waist. Adam is working Tommy's cock with his hand. Tommy can feel he is rock hard. Adam must have started that when Tommy was sleeping. Frowning, Tommy remembers last night when Adam fell asleep without even having sex with him and Sauli. He pushes Adam's hand away; Adam doesn't deserve this after what he did last night. He turns around to Adam's confused face.

   "I was wondering when you were going to wake up," Adam whispers quietly. "Why did you push my hand away?"

   Tommy gives him a dirty look. "Why do you think?" he gripes, scowling.

   Adam's mouth falls open, obviously shocked at Tommy's tone. _What a way to start the day,_ he thinks. Aloud, he says, "What did I do?"

   Again, Tommy scowls. "What did you do?!" Behind Adam, Tommy sees Sauli roll his eyes.

   "What?" Adam asks, defensive now.

   "Get over it, Tommy," Sauli cuts in. "He was tired."

   "Oh, did he get to you now?" Tommy sneers. "Touched you a couple times and suddenly he's forgiven?" He doesn't know why he is being so bitchy; he can't help it now, though. He's on a roll.

   "What the fuck is your problem, Tommy Joe?!" Adam exclaims, sitting up. "Just because we didn't have sex last night? Is that it?"

   "Yes, that's it!" Tommy shouts. "It's like you don't care about us! You've been gone for a week, and then, when you finally come home, you don't even want to have sex with us! And on top of it, we hardly got to talk to you all week!"

   Adam swallows hard. Feelings of guilt wash over him. He was neglecting the two people he cares most about. Instead of thinking about them, he was fucking his best friend, and now, he has that very person staying at his house. What the hell is wrong with him? "I'm sorry," he tells Tommy. "And I did call you, but half the time, you wouldn't pick up your phone." And that was true. Why wouldn't Tommy or Sauli answer his calls or respond to his texts? "And when I did get to talk to you, you were busy and had to hang up."

   Tommy turns his head away from Adam, muttering something unintelligible.

   Adam looks over at Sauli. "I'm sorry, baby," he apologizes, holding out his arms.

   Sauli cuddles into Adam's warm embrace. "It's okay," he replies, trying to hide the slight tremor in his voice. "Tommy's just...Tommy."

   Adam nods. He knows exactly what Sauli means. Still, he has to make it up to them. Keeping one arm wrapped around Sauli's shoulders, he uses his free arm to thread his fingers through Tommy's purple fringe. "Tommy Joe," he says, his voice low in his throat.

   Tommy looks up at Adam, his long, thick lashes half-hiding his brown eyes.

   "C'mere." Adam places his hand on Tommy's back, pulling him closer to him. "I love you, baby. I'm sorry."

   Tommy cuddles into Adam's naked chest. "I love you, too. And I'm sorry."

   Adam kisses Tommy's forehead, then plants a longer kiss on his lips. Turning to Sauli, he gives him a kiss, too.

   Tommy's hand falls to Adam's lap, and he can feel Adam is sporting a huge erection. _Now that's more like it_. He wraps his hand around Adam's cock, giving it a hard squeeze.

   Adam moans in response, laying back in bed and pulling both his boyfriends down with him.

   Tommy presses his leaking cock against Adam's thigh, feeling like déja vú after last night. He grinds himself into Adam, getting harder by the second.

   Meanwhile, Sauli is on the other side of Adam, matching Tommy's moves exactly. He throws an arm over Adam's waist, linking his fingers with Tommy's.

   Adam spreads his legs wider, jamming his knees up into his boyfriends' crotches. As always, Adam takes control, making both his boyfriends shiver with pleasure. He grabs Tommy's cock with one hand and Sauli's cock with the other, pumping them in tandem.

   Moaning, Tommy lays on his back, letting Adam work him. He spreads his legs wider, thrusting his hips in time with the rhythm Adam has set.

   On Adam's other side, Sauli twists his fingers in the bed sheets as Adam's pumping gets more erratic. He gasps as he feels the urgent need to come getting stronger. "Adam!" Sauli's voice is strained. "I'm gonna come if you don't stop!" he cries.

   At the last possible moment, for both Tommy and Sauli, Adam stills his erratic pumping, stopping just before his boyfriends come in his hands.

   Tommy moans, rubbing his face in Adam's shoulder. "Why'd you stop?" he whines.

   Adam twists his fingers in Tommy's purple locks, whispering hotly in his pierced ear, "It's my turn."

   Tommy grins, glad to know that it's his and Sauli's turn to please their boyfriend, show Adam what he's been missing for nearly a week. Tommy catches Sauli's gaze, and they both share a conspiratorial smile.

   Oblivious to his boyfriends' hidden agenda, Adam spreads his legs wide, his thick cock bouncing high in the air. "Suck me off," he orders, not caring which boyfriend it is that does the sucking.

   Tommy mounts Adam, straddling his abdomen, while Sauli crawls between Adam's wide-spread legs, his mouth already opening to take Adam's full cock.

   Adam's eyes fly open as he feels Tommy's pre-come-slicked cock rubbing wetly against his chest. He moans as Tommy starts bumping up and down on him, each time Tommy's heavy cock slapping him, again and again. As Sauli's lips close around the head of Adam's cock, sliding over the length to take the member down his throat, Adam presses his lips together to keep from shouting out in pure ecstasy. After all, he doesn't want anybody else in the house, especially Kris, to hear what he's doing.

   Too soon, Adam can feel his balls tensing up in that familiar tight feeling that tells him he's going to come. "Sauli, stop!" he groans.

   Sauli sucks a couple more times before abruptly stopping and pulling his mouth off of Adam. He crawls to Adam's side, collapsing in his outstretched arm.

   Tommy lays his body over Adam's, kissing him on the neck. "I want you so bad, Adam Mitchel Lambert," Tommy whispers, biting little patches of skin on Adam's collarbone and then licking away the sting. He grinds himself slow and hard into Adam's crotch.

   Adam moans, flipping Tommy over onto the bed and crawling on top of him. He pins Tommy's arms down with a hand on each wrist. Straddling him, he rubs his thick, wet cock up and down Tommy's abdomen. "You want me, huh?"

   Tommy nods vigorously, his brown eyes wide and filled with an indescribable need.

   "How much do you want me?" Adam teases, a playful glint in his eyes.

   "Bad!" Tommy whines.

   "How bad?" Adam counters.

   "Bad, bad, bad!" Tommy shouts, frustrated.

   Adam chuckles, amused. He climbs off of Tommy, stroking the back of his hand down the side of Tommy's face as he whines in protest at the loss of Adam's warm body. "In a minute," Adam consoles him. Turning to Sauli, he runs his fingers through the Finn's perky blonde curls. "My sunshine." He kisses him fully on the lips, sucking Sauli's tongue into his mouth. "You both are my whole world," Adam murmurs, his arms wrapped around his boyfriends. Sitting up, he says, "I want you two cuddled together."

   As Tommy and Sauli obey Adam's request, Adam touches himself, feeling how hard he is. He needs to get that release soon. Glancing down at his boyfriends, he can see that their arousal is as intense as his own. "Suck him off, Tommy," Adam orders, gripping his dripping cock tightly in his hand.

   Tommy goes down on Sauli, taking the full length of his member into his mouth. He sucks hard, nipping gently with his teeth.

   Sauli moans in pleasure, thrusting himself into Tommy's mouth. "More," he gasps.

   Adam watches his two boyfriends play with each other, his own cock getting harder by the second. He always gets turned on watching his boyfriends fuck each other. Squeezing his cock once more, he interrupts the other two men, saying, "Enough. Come to me."

   Tommy stops immediately, knowing full-well when Adam wants something, it better be done at the snap of a finger, or else. He crawls over to his commanding boyfriend, straddling one of Adam's spread legs and rubbing his slick cock on Adam's thigh.

   Sauli snuggles into Adam's chest, gripping Adam's hard cock in his hand. Tilting his head up, he pecks a kiss on Adam's full lips. Knowing it will drive Adam crazy, he rubs his thumb over the head of Adam's cock one, two, three times.

   It works. Adam growls low in his throat, pushing both his boyfriends down so their heads are at the foot of the bed. He pushes each of their legs roughly apart, grabbing onto both of their cocks and pumping them hard.

   Tommy and Sauli turn to each other, locking their mouths together in an intense liplock. They shove their tongues down one another's throats while Adam continues to work them.

   Sauli can tell he's about to come, and he struggles to hold himself back from giving into the strong urge until Tommy is ready. When Tommy begins to moan, Sauli can't hold it back any longer. He gives into the intense orgasm, letting it encompass him completely. Dimly, he is aware of Tommy thrashing wildly beside him, experiencing his own orgasm. He can hear Adam murmuring in the background, but he is too distracted to make out what his boyfriend is saying.

   Tommy's body shudders one last time as the orgasm fades away. He kisses Sauli on the lips tenderly, knowing the Finn is still trying to recover from the pleasure Adam just made them feel. Gazing into Sauli's eyes, he can tell what he is thinking: Adam's turn. Tommy sits up, along with Sauli, and they both advance on their boyfriend.

   Adam grins as he realizes that it is now his turn to be worked. He spreads his legs wide, inviting one of his boyfriends to take hold of his thick, heavy cock.

   Tommy takes the silent invitation, but instead of taking hold of Adam's cock with his hands, his lips part to take his boyfriend's member down his throat.

   Adam moans loudly as Tommy's throat muscles contract around his engorged cock.

   Sauli rests three fingers against Adam's naked chest, pushing him down on the bed roughly. Laying down beside him, he presses his body flush against Adam's, wrapping a leg around one of Adam's. He grips Adam's face with his hand, pulling their heads together for a passionate kiss. Reaching down with same hand, he feels under Tommy's chin, grasping Adam's balls in his fist and squeezing hard.

   Adam throws his head back and thrusts his hips forward. He pushes into Tommy's mouth again and again, feeling the familiar tightening in his balls and cock.

   Tommy's tongue massages the underside of Adam's thick cock; he can taste the pre-come dripping down the back of his throat. Adam is very close to coming, shooting right down his throat. And that turns Tommy on. He can feel himself getting hard again. He sucks harder.

   Sauli continues squeezing Adam's balls, knowing that Adam isn't going to be able to take much more. Keeping three of his fingers, along with his thumb, gripping Adam's balls, he pushes his index finger at the outter edge of Adam's tight hole. He rims the tight ring of muscle before inserting the digit dry into Adam's hole.

   With that, Adam comes, the orgasm consuming him, taking over his whole body. He shoots deep into Tommy's throat, his body shuddering with each ejaculation. He twists his long fingers through Tommy's purple hair, pulling his boyfriend's head into his crotch and shoving his cock further down his throat. His whole body shudders one last time as the intense vibrations subside.

   Tommy slowly picks his head up from Adam's lap, a shit-eating grin plastered across his face. He licks his lips. "Yum."

   Adam laughs out loud; he can't help himself. Tommy looks so adorable with Adam's come dripping off of his lips, his hair all over the place. "C'mere." He holds out his arms so both Tommy and Sauli can cuddle into him. He holds them close to his chest, his face resting in his boyfriends' hair. "I'll love you always."

   "We'll always love you," Tommy and Sauli both chorus in unison.

   They fall asleep like that, cuddled in each other's arms, the rumbling of thunder and the pounding of rain on the roof the only other sounds in the bedroom.

 


	16. Nirvana

**Title of the Series:** _Scars Make Us Who We Are_

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

 **Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

 **Pairing:** Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

 **Rating:** MA18+

 **Summary:** Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

 **Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

 **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

 

 

** CHAPTER SIXTEEN **

__

_Nirvana_

 

 

   Adam flips a burger over on the grill. He takes a long sip out of his wine glass, savoring the sweet red wine as it washes coolly down his throat. It's Sunday and Adam has invited all his friends and some family over a for a cook-out for Memorial Day weekend.

   Tommy comes over to him, a bottle of beer in his hand. "How's it going, babe?" he asks his boyfriend, raising a skeptical eyebrow at Adam standing in front of the grill, a spatula in one hand and a nearly empty wine glass in the other.

   "I'd rather be fucking," Adam says, his voice flat.

   Tommy laughs, wrapping an arm around his waist and gazing up at his boyfriend. "Didn't you get enough of that last night?"

   After they woke up from their little 'nap' yesterday morning, Adam couldn't seem to keep his hands off either Tommy or Sauli. They went to bed early last night, but didn't actually get to sleep until the wee hours of the morning, unable to stop touching and playing with one another.

   Adam wraps his arm holding the wine glass around Tommy's shoulders, pecking a tender kiss on his forehead. "Mmm," he murmurs. "I could go for more."

   Tommy laughs again, swatting Adam's chest playfully. He wiggles out of Adam's embrace, tickling him on his side.

   "Tommy!" Adam yells, laughing. "Cut it out!"

   "What is going on?" Sauli says, coming out of the kitchen through the french doors that open onto the backyard. He's holding two wineglasses.

   "Adam's being ticklish!" Tommy replies, grinning at Adam.

   "Cause somebody can't keep their hands off me!" Adam retorts.

   Smiling, Sauli hands one of the glasses to Adam. "Here. I brought you a refill."

   "Thanks, babe." Adam lifts the glass to his lips, taking a swallow. Sliding his phone out of his pocket, he glances at the time. 12:37. His guests will be arriving soon.

   "Can you guys get the wine coolers out?" Adam asks his boyfriends, flipping another burger.

   Tommy sighs. "I guess," he groans. At a shocked look from Adam, he exclaims with a smile, "I was only joking!"

   Sauli rolls his eyes, pulling Tommy by the hand back into the house.

   Kris walks out the door just as Tommy and Sauli walk in. Coming over to stand by Adam, he hides a smile at the sight of Adam flipping burgers on the grill. Adam with his black nails and stylish blonde hair. Yeah. Somehow, the picture just doesn't look quite right. He stops himself from asking if Adam wants him to take over the grilling. "Anything I can help with?" he says instead.

   "No! You're my guest!" Adam glances over at his friend. "Do you want anything to drink?"

   "Nah, I'm good." Kris grins at Adam. _He is pretty cute with that apron on._

   "Beer? Wine?" Adam prods. "You gotta have something! It's a par-tay!" He does a little dance, pursing his lips and wiggling his hips sexily.

   Kris laughs. "Fine!" he obliges. "I'll have a drink." Casting a look up and down Adam's body, he asks, "And when did you start drinking?"

   "Oh, stop!" Adam laughs. "You sound like my mom!"

   "Thanks," Kris says drily. "Couldn't I sound like your dad?"

   "I never realized you were so snarky!" Adam replies.

   "Maybe you should check my Twitter once in a while, then," Kris answers. "Your meat is burning."

   "Huh?" Adam says stupidly, realizing a second later what Kris is talking about. He flips the burgers over again. "You make that sound so dirty," Adam comments.

   Kris laughs again. "I better go. I'm distracting you from your cooking."

   "Grab your drink and come back out! Keep me company!" Adam says.

   "Okay," Kris agrees.

   "Did you tell Katy what time to come over?" Adam asks Kris' retreating back.

   "Yeah. One o'clock," Kris replies, walking into the kitchen.

   Kris had called Katy yesterday to apologize once again. Katy accepted grudgingly, and asked Kris to come back to the house. Kris had gone home and him and Katy had a long talk. Katy forgave him, but still felt that something was up. She decided to ignore it and not bring it up to Kris. She was sick of constantly arguing with her husband.

   Kris told her that he was going to stay one more night at Adam's house, and again, Katy reluctantly agreed, thinking that if Kris had a little bit of time with Adam, his feelings toward the other man would calm down. And, against her better judgement, considering all the arguing going on between her and Kris was because of Adam, Kris managed to persuade her to come over to Adam's for a cook-out the next day.

   Katy still has no idea what happened between him and Adam on the radio tour. She doesn't even know that Adam and Kris had virtually the same schedules during the tour, allowing them to see one another each night.

   Kris grabs a beer from the refrigerator. Popping the top off, he takes a sip. Glancing at the label on the bottle, Kris raises his eyebrows. _Adam certainly doesn't believe in spending conservatively. But then again, why should he? The guy's a multi-millionaire._ Walking back outside, he goes over to Adam. "Good beer," he says.

   "I had it imported," Adam replies, taking a healthy drink of wine. "Wine, too."

   "I noticed." Kris takes another sip out of the bottle. "Which is why I'm curious: why don't you have a chef doing this?" He waves his hand toward the grill.

   "Well, duh, Kuh-ris!" Adam says lightly. "Do you know how much a private chef costs?! It's waaay cheaper to do the cooking myself."

   Kris raises his eyebrows and presses his lips together in a tight smile, only nodding his head in agreement.

   "Adam!" Tommy whines, dragging Sauli behind him. "We got everything ready." He glares at Kris out of the corner of his eye. Unfortunately, Kris doesn't notice. Tommy does _not_ like this Kris Allen character. Something about the way he looks at Adam pisses Tommy off more than that Psy dude does. He wraps an arm around Adam's neck, yanking their heads roughly together and planting a long, passionate kiss on Adam's lips, shoving his tongue down his boyfriend's throat to show just _who_ Adam belongs to. "Are the burgers done yet?" he asks innocently when Adam finally manages to pull away with a dirty look at his 'kitty.'

   "Yes," Adam grumbles, lifting the burgers off the grill with the spatula and setting them on the large crystal serving platter.

   "They smell good," Sauli says, trying to break some of the tension.

   "Thanks, Sunshine," Adam smiles at his Finnish boyfriend, handing him the platter. "You wanna take these inside and cover them with foil to keep them warm?"

   "Okay." Sauli heads off to the kitchen.

   "Go help him," Adam orders Tommy, who is still standing there, sipping his beer and shooting suspicious looks at an oblivious Kris.

   "Whatever," Tommy mutters, holding himself back from flipping Kris _and_ Adam off as he follows Sauli into the kitchen. No sooner has Tommy walked into the kitchen than he sticks his head back out, shouting to Adam across the yard, "Your mom and Monte and Marc are here!"

   "Send them out here! And get them something to drink!" Adam shouts back, adding, "Please!" After all, he doesn't want to sound like a rude, demanding bitch.

   A few minutes later, Adam's mom and his managers walk into the backyard.

   "Hi, sweetie!" Adam's mom coos, giving her son a hug. Her hands still on his shoulders, she looks at him lovingly from arm's length, saying, "You look so adorable with that apron on!"

   "Mom!" Adam practically spits. He pulls away from her roughly, thoroughly embarrassed that she has to act like this in front of everybody.

   Marc slaps a hand over his mouth to stifle a laugh. Monte isn't so subtle.

   "Yeah, Adam. You look real cute with an apron on," Monte laughs.

   "Shut up!" Adam growls at him, angry.

   Kris puts a hand on Adam's back, rubbing it in what he hopes is a comforting gesture.

   Completely ignoring her son's outburst and obvious embarrassment, Leila turns to Kris. "Why, hello Kris! I never thought I'd see _you_ here!" She holds out her arms for a hug.

   Kris obliges, saying, "Nice seeing you again, Ms. Lambert."

   "Please! Call me Leila!" she exclaims, continuing, "It makes feel old otherwise."

   While Kris and Leila talk, catching up, Monte and Marc pull Adam off to the side.

   "How's this working out?" Marc asks, keeping his voice low.

   "How's what working out?" Adam shoots back, deciding to play dumb.

   "Adam," Monte sighs. "You know what."

   "It's working out fine!" Adam spits. "And my sex life is none of your concern!

   Marc holds up his hands in front of him in mock surrender. "We're just trying to help you, Adam. We don't want you to get hurt."

   "How the fuck am I going to get hurt?" Adam crosses his arms in front of him defensively.

   "You know how!" Monte nearly yells, toning his voice down a notch when both Leila and Kris glance in their direction. "If Tommy and Sauli ever found out what you did, or what you are doing, they will walk away, Adam! The two people I know you love most in this world, you won't be able to call them yours any longer!"

   Adam looks away, swallowing hard. It's scary to think about the very real possibility that he would lose Tommy and Sauli. Monte is right. If his boyfriends ever find out he's been sleeping with another man, they will walk away. Biting his lip, Adam whispers, "I don't want to lose either one of them." Looking up at his managers, he can see the concern in their gazes. They care about him. They don't want him to get hurt. Taking a deep breath, he continues, "But I really like Kris."

   Monte and Marc share a long look. Letting out a sigh, Marc says, "But who do you love, Adam?"

   Adam's lower lip trembles slightly. "I can't answer that," he murmurs.

   "You can't, or you won't?" Monte challenges.

   Marc puts a hand on Monte's shoulder, giving him a look that clearly says 'stop.' To Adam, he says, "You've been with Tommy and Sauli for how long now? Over a year? Is one week sleeping with someone you met three years ago going to change your feelings about your boyfriends?"

   Adam's eyes are filled with sorrow as he looks up at Marc. His voice cracks as he starts to answer. Stopping, he begins again, "I don't know. I don't know, Marc."

   Monte presses his lips together in a tight line. "I suggest you think about it."

   "Go," Marc says to Monte, exasperated. Once Monte walks away, he tells Adam, "I didn't mean to upset you like this, Adam. But I want you to think about what you're doing. I don't want to see you get hurt. Consider what I said, but your life is your life. I can't control you. I can tell you what I think you should do, but ultimately, you make the decisions regarding your love life. I'm sorry we had to get into this today. I know you just wanted to have a get-together and spend quality time with your friends. Forget about it for right now, okay?"

   Adam nods, miserable. Marc holds out his arms for a hug and Adam lets himself be comforted. "I know you're right, Marc," Adam whispers in his manager's ear as he hugs him tightly.

   Marc rubs Adam's back before letting go. "Just make sure you remember that," he says lightly.

   Adam nods again. Changing the subject, he asks, "Did Tommy get you a drink?"

   "I didn't want anything, but I think I need one now." Marc smiles.

   Adam grins back. "I need one, too."

 

* * *

 

   "These are very good, Adam," Leila compliments her son before taking another bite of her vegan burger.

   "Yeah," chimes in Monte, "never would've thought Adam Lambert would have talent behind the grill."

   Leila elbows Monte while Adam narrows his eyes and gives his tour manager a 'very funny' look. "Ha ha," he replies drily. Turning to his mother, he smiles. "Thanks, Mom."

   "That's our man," Tommy says happily, sharing a smile with Sauli.

   Adam gives both his boyfriends, who are sitting on either side of him, a sweet kiss.

   "Everything is good, Adam," Katy says, smiling at Adam. Even though her husband has feelings for the other man, Adam is still her friend and she genuinely likes him.

   "Well, I can't wait to taste the dessert you made," Adam replies. "Thank you by the way."

   "Oh, it's no problem," Katy says. "And thank you for inviting me."

   Kris is happy that Katy isn't really mad at him anymore, and that her and Adam are getting along well. Thank God Katy doesn't know about his week with Adam; it's awkard enough that she knows he has feelings for him, not to mention not knowing he has slept with him. He takes a long drink of beer. _Adam is so sexy,_ Kris thinks as he watches Adam laugh at something one of his bandmates said. _I can't believe he finds me attractive, the innocent, All-American guy-next-door._

   "Adam bought a bunch of fireworks," Tommy tells Isaac, who is sitting right next to him on his other side. He did that purposely so he could at least be next to the drummer. "We're going to shoot them off later."

   "Awesome," Isaac comments, nodding his head. "We should have a bonfire, too."

   "We're going to!" Tommy exclaims, excited. "On the one condition that Adam doesn't have to start it." Tommy rolls his eyes playfully. "I guess he's scared his over-producted hair is going to spontaneously combust," he says in a dramatic whisper.

   "I heard that!" Adam says, slapping Tommy lightly on the arm.

   Isaac and Brian laugh. "Then what's your's, Tommy?" Brian asks. "Looks pretty 'over-producted' to me."

   Tommy rolls his eyes again. "Whatever, Bri. You're no better than me! None of us are! We're the glam troupe! Glamily! What do people expect? The make-up and over-the-top dramatics is part of who we are!"

   Marc shakes his head, laughing.

   "That settles it!" Adam exclaims. "No Glamily allowed to touch the bonfire in case of ruining our 'glamness.' Kris! You're in charge of the fire!"

   "Oh? I am?" Kris laughs, unable to hide his amusement at Adam's antics. "Luckily I've set a few fires in my day."

   "Not destructive I hope," Adam suggests, grinning to show he's only joking.

   "Of course not!" Kris pretends to be appalled at such an idea. "I'm the straight-and-narrow, toe-the-line Baptist."

   "Right!" Adam snorts.

   Kris grins. "You know that I'm not completely innocent! Who is?"

   "Some worse than others," Tommy pipes in.

   "You got that right," Adam agrees. Glancing over at Sauli, he sees his boyfriend is chattering happily away to Heikki in his native language. Sauli looks at Adam and smiles to let him know he hasn't missed the conversation between the others. It's amazing to Adam how Sauli can talk in Finnish to somebody and still listen to a completely different conversation in English. His boyfriend is definitely multi-talented, and in more ways than one.

 

* * *

 

   The rest of the afternoon passes by quickly. Everyone has a good time talking, catching up, and drinking slightly too much. Before any of them know it, it's nearly nine o'clock. The sun is starting to set, and soon dusk will descend over the lively party.

   "Almost time for fireworks!" Adam says loudly, attracting the attention of all his guests. "I'm mixing up cocktails! Who wants?"

   Katy gets up from the lawnchair she is sitting in by the bonfire Kris started a little while ago. "I'll help you, Adam," she offers.

   Adam smiles at Kris' young, beautiful wife. "Thanks, Katy."

   "Can I have a margarita, sweetie?" Leila asks her son.

   Adam walks into the house once he's gotten all the drink requests, Katy following behind him. "Have you mixed martinis before?" he asks Katy.

   "Margaritas, not martinis or cosmos." Katy takes the bottles of alcohol Adam hands her from his custom built fridge under the kitchen counter. The fridge has a clear glass door that allows you to see the bottles inside, illuminated by blue-hued LED lights.

   "Well, you're about to get a crash-course," Adam jokes, taking the other supplies out of his refrigerator and cupboards. "It's actually really easy."

   When they get all the drinks mixed, Adam and Katy carry them out on crystal trays to Adam's guests. By now, it's dark enough to shoot off the fireworks.

   "Who's helping me shoot these off?" Adam asks. "'Cause I've never done this before and have no clue whatsoever what I'm doing!" He laughs.

   "I'll help you," Kris says. "Where are they?"

   Adam points to the side of the yard. "In the boxes over there."

   Kris walks across the yard, taking the fireworks out of the boxes. "You have a lot of fireworks here, Adam."

   "I bought a whole display plus single ones," Adam replies.

   "Wow," Kris comments. "Do you have a lighter?"

   Adam hands him the one he's holding.

   Kris unwraps one of the fireworks, placing it a safe distance away from the guests, the house, any patio furniture, and the rest of the fireworks. "Stand back!" he warns everybody. Flicking the lighter, he touches the flame to the long wick on the end of the firework. He runs back toward the rest of the guests.

   "Are you sure you're zoned for this, Adam?" Leila frets.

   Adam's response is cut off the by the whistle of the firework shooting up into the air. Everyone's eyes follow the indiscernable spark high into the night sky. The firework explodes, sending brilliant gold sparks sizzling through the darkness, the sparks raining down like a waterfall and crackling noisily.

   "That was gorgeous!" exclaims Sauli, cuddling up next to Adam, his head resting on his shoulder.

   Adam smiles down at his boyfriend, wrapping a warm arm around his shoulders.

   Kris continues to light the fireworks, everybody 'oohing' and 'awwing' over the beautiful display.

   Once all the single fireworks are gone, Kris gets to work setting up the 'grand finale.' Adam crouches down beside him, guiding him on how to place the fireworks according to the instructions that came in the box. Adam runs back to where his friends are standing or sitting, pulling both his boyfriends close to him.

   They all watch as Kris lights the long wick. He runs quickly back to the group, taking a spot close to Adam.

   Suddenly, the fireworks begin shooting up into the sky and explode in the darkness of the night, lighting up the yard brightly. The fireworks continue to explode for at least another three minutes, finally dying out abruptly.

   Everyone erupts in applause, shouting their approval.

   Adam leans down and kisses both Tommy and Sauli.

   Everybody stands around for at least another half hour, drinking and talking.

   "That was wonderful, Adam," Leila gushes, coming up to her son. "The fireworks were gorgeous! And the food was simply delightful, also!" She gives Adam a big hug. "Monte and I have to be going now. Thank you for having us for dinner, sweetie!"

   "Thanks for coming, Mom," Adam replies, returning her hug tightly. "Love you."

   The rest of the guests begin to leave, thanking their host for a lovely evening.

   After all the guests are gone, Adam takes one last look around his yard. "I'll deal with the mess tomorrow," he tells his boyfriends, who are lounging on the kitchen chairs.

   Kris comes back into the kitchen from saying good night to his wife. "You want help cleaning up?" he asks Adam.

   "I'm not bothering with it tonight," Adam replies. "Everything can stay where it is for tonight. Thanks, though." He smiles at Kris.

   "Okay." Kris grins back. "I guess I'm going to bed then. Good night."

   "'Night," Adam says.

   Adam heads upstairs, Tommy and Sauli following close behind.

   In the master bedroom, Tommy asks Adam quietly, "Why is Kris staying here again tonight?"

   "Yeah, it looked like everything was alright between him and Katy," Sauli chimes in.

   "He wanted to stay here an extra night. I don't know why," Adam says, trying to cool the bitchiness in his tone. _Why can't they just stop asking questions about Kris? Why are they so goddamn nosy?_ He knows that they are only jealous, which, when you really think about it, they have every right to be. It's just annoying. They keep harping at him about Kris. What the fuck is he supposed to do? Kick him out?

   Sauli puts an arm on Adam's shoulder. "We're sorry, Adam," he whispers, seeming to sense Adam's thoughts. "We're just curious. I mean, we don't even know the guy."

   "Yeah! Don't you think we have the right to ask questions?" Tommy gripes. "We are your boyfriends after all. We're not some puppets you can control with a flick of your hand."

   "Tommy!" Adam exclaims. "What the fuck?!"

   "Sorry," Tommy quickly amends, not sounding sorry at all. He doesn't really want to get into a fight right now. Every one of them is tired. It's better if they just quit arguing and go to bed. "Forget I said anything. Let's just go to bed." He wraps his arms around Adam's neck, pecking a sweet kiss on his boyfriend's lips.

   Adam nods his head reluctantly, accepting Tommy's half-assed apology. "Fine."

   Twenty minutes later, they are all cuddled together in bed, naked, drifting in that state somewhere between wake and sleep. After the excitement of the entire day, the peace and quiet is kind of like nirvana. But in actuality, it is only the calm before the storm.

  

 


	17. I Can't Seem To Breathe Right

**Title of the Series:** _Scars Make Us Who We Are_

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

 **Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

 **Pairing:** Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

 **Rating:** MA18+

 **Summary:** Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

 **Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

 **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

 

 

** CHAPTER SEVENTEEN **

__

_I Can't Seem To Breathe Right_

 

 

   Later in that week, Adam is home alone, working in his office. Sauli's sister, Saara, and his friends, Katri and Heikki, have gone back to Finland. And Kris is back at home with his wife. So, it's just him and his laptop computer, playing around with some lyrics that might fit with the melodies that his producer sent him. Tommy is at the music store, and Sauli is meeting with his manager, who flew to the States from Finland.

   Sighing, Adam shuts the laptop in frustration. _Nothing_ is coming to him. Writer's block. Maybe a walk would help.

   Changing into a pair of shorts and a black tank, he ties on his running shoes, grabbing his phone and keys before walking outside. Slipping dark sunglasses over his eyes, he walks down the sidewalk.

   He walks for awhile, enjoying the sunshine and fresh air. Just as he's about to head back, his phone vibrates in his pocket. Sliding it out, he glances at the iPhone's screen. One new text message.

 

_-I miss you._

 

   The text is from Kris.

   Adam smiles. Quickly, he taps out a reply.

 

_-u 2_

 

   Kris' reply is instantaneous.

 

_-What are you doing tonight?_

_-idk. y?_

_-I want to see you._

 

   Biting his lower lip, Adam hesitates to reply. What should he tell him? He wants to see Kris! He hasn't been with him since the night before they came home from the tour. This is the first time Kris contacted him and told him he wanted to see him. For a while there Adam was getting worried that Kris thought it was a one-time thing--the sex, that is.

   His phone vibrates with another text. This one isn't from Kris, though.

 

_-Got anything yet?_

 

   Adam's producer.

 

_-not really. i'm working on it, tho_

 

   Adam is so absorbed in his phone, he doesn't notice the car that pulls up along side of him, slowly crawling along, matching his pace. A shout brings him out of his concentration.

   "Adam!"

   Looking up sharply, Adam sees Tommy behind the steering wheel of his Mustang. Grinning, he says back, "Hey, sexy!"

   Tommy smiles, rolling his eyes. "Where you going?"

   "Just taking a walk!" Adam replies, slipping the phone back in his pocket.

   "You wanna ride back home?"

   "No, I'd rather walk," Adam answers.

   "See you there, then." Tommy steps on the accelerator, speeding ahead down the road to Adam's house.

   When Adam arrives back at his home, Tommy is already in the house, along with Sauli. He gives each of his boyfriends a long, lingering kiss before heading upstairs to take a shower.

   Once he's out of the shower and back in his office, he decides to go through with the plan he was formulating in his head while in the bathroom. He sends a quick text to Kris telling him to meet him at a hotel. He then texts the address.

   In his bedroom, he slips on several bracelets and rings, checking his hair in the mirror before walking downstairs.

   Tommy and Sauli are sitting at the kitchen table, books and notepads spread around them. Sauli is speaking in his native language, explaining the words to Tommy.

   "Whatcha guys doing?" Adam asks, sticking his head in the kitchen.

   "Adam!" Sauli exclaims, getting up. "You're just in time! Tommy is learning Finnish! You have to come have your lesson also!" He tugs on Adam's arm.

   "Yeah, Adam," Tommy grumbles, "come join in the torture with me."

   "Shut up, Tommy!" Sauli says.

   "No, guys. I have to go to the studio." The lie rolls easily off of Adam's tongue.

   "Why?" Sauli and Tommy both whine.

   "Work on some stuff," Adam replies, grabbing each of them in a tight hug. "Love you guys." Waves of guilt wash over him as each of his boyfriends agree without much of a fight. They trust him. He almost tells them, "Fine. I'll stay home and learn Finnish with you." But he doesn't. He still wants to see Kris. "Love you guys," he says again as he walks out the door.

   On the drive to the hotel Adam can't help feeling slightly nervous. _What if something happens and Sauli and Tommy_ do _find out? What will I do then?_

   At the hotel, he lets himself into the room he rents continuously. The hotel is actually more of a condo. The rooms open to the outside, so there is no receptionist to see him. The hotel has lots of famous clientele. Most bring their secret lovers here to fuck. Adam is no exception.

   He busies himself getting everything in the room just right. He makes sure the curtains are tightly shut, lighting vanilla scented candles around the room to give it a heady, romantic feel. Uncorking a bottle of wine, he sets the chilled bottle on the nightstand, along with two crystal wine glasses. Checking the time on his phone, he sees it is close to four o'clock. Kris will be here any minute.

   Stripping off his clothes, he pads quietly into the bathroom, spritzing himself lightly with Armani cologne. He grabs a bottle of Intense Heat lubrication, placing it on the other nightstand on the opposite side of the bed.

   Suddenly, a knock sounds on the door.

   Adam hurries over, peering outside through the peep hole. Kris is standing there, glancing around.

   Adam quickly turns the lock, stepping behind the door and swinging it open. As soon as Kris steps in, Adam shuts the door as fast he can, twisting both locks.

   The room is encased in darkness, yet Kris can clearly see Adam standing stark naked in front of him. "Adam," Kris moans, feeling himself hardening already.

   Adam falls into Kris' open arms, and lets himself be man-handled to the waiting king-sized bed.

   There, they lose themselves to each other, making love, completely pushing all thoughts about their significant other's out of their heads. Little does one of them know what discoveries are being made at his house at the exact same moment.

 

* * *

 

   Tommy sighs, already bored. "Sauli? Can't we take a break for a while?"

   "No!" Sauli grabs the plastic ruler laying on the table, raising it above his head threateningly, shouting, "Knuckles!"

   Too late, Tommy  
tries to whip his hands under the table, but Sauli is quick. He receives a sharp rap on each hand. That is the fifth time Sauli's done that today. Tommy doesn't know what kind of schools they have in Finland, but this is 21st century America, goddammit! "Sauli!" Tommy yells, grabbing the ruler out of Sauli's hands before the Finn has a chance to react.

   "Hey!" Sauli shouts. "Give me that!" He makes a grab for his ruler to no avail; Tommy has hidden the ruler under the table. Sauli crosses his arms, pouting.

   "We're done," Tommy says assertively. "You are not hitting me anymore with that stupid ruler. It's ridiculous."

   Sauli heaves a sigh. "Then what do you want to do? I'm bored!" he whines.

   Tommy taps a finger against his lip, thinking. Suddenly, his eyes light up. "I've got it!"

   "What?" Sauli asks, slightly wary. Sometimes, Tommy's ideas don't have the greatest outcomes afterward.

   "Let's go watch those sex tapes Adam made of us!" Tommy wiggles his eyebrows as if that's the greatest idea in the world.

   Sauli pretends to think about it for a minute. Jokingly, he replies, "No, I don't think so." When Tommy starts to protest, he quickly cuts in, "Joking!"

   They take each other's hand, racing upstairs to Adam's office. Tommy tries the door handle, cursing when he finds it won't turn. "Fucker locked the damn door!"

   "Maybe he left the key in the bedroom," Sauli suggests.

   "It's always on his key ring. No bother anyway." Tommy slips his wallet out, pulling out his AmericanExpress. Carefully, he slides the plastic card between the door and the frame. It takes a couple tries before he is able to spring the lock. "He should really get a better lock on this door," Tommy tells Sauli, grinning.

   Sauli squeezes Tommy's hand in response.

   They enter the office, flicking on the lights since the blinds are shut. Releasing Sauli's hand, Tommy goes over to Adam's desk. He runs his fingers along the edge, walking around it to the chair. Sitting down, he starts open drawers. Nothing interesting really, just flashdrives, CDs, pens, paper clips, and other random office-related supplies. Tommy flips the cover up on Adam's laptop. The screen lights up, waking from sleep mode. Password protected--of course. Looking up at Sauli, Tommy raises his eyebrows.

   Sauli shrugs.

   Tommy types in his and Sauli's names. Incorrect password.

   Tommy knew that--way too easy. His fingers hovering over the keys, he thinks for a moment before typing in a combination of Sauli's and his birthdays. No go.

   He tries several more, each one denied. "Fucker probably has his Social Security Number as his password!" Tommy exclaims.

   "I wouldn't doubt it," Sauli replies, already moving on to something else. Adam rarely lets either him or Tommy in his office. Spotting the closet, he pulls on the handle, expecting to find it locked.

   It's not.

   "Tommy," Sauli says, "the closet isn't locked."

   "Maybe he keeps 'em in there," Tommy replies, coming over to stand next to Sauli.

   "I think you're right," Sauli agrees, pointing to the CD holders on the floor.

   Kneeling down, Tommy starts to pull several cases out. "There are so many," he murmurs. Glancing at the handwriting on the front of the cases, he quickly recognizes it as Adam's. His and Sauli's names are on the cases. With dates. "Aw, how cute," Tommy gushes fakely. "Home movies of his boyfriends." He smiles to let Sauli know he's only joking.

   "You think these are the sex tapes?" Sauli asks, kneeling down beside Tommy.

   "They have to be," Tommy responds. "He doesn't take videos of us otherwise."

   "Why are there so many?" Sauli wonders aloud.

   Tommy purses his lips. "Let's find out."

   They both start pulling out the DVDs, reading their names on at least the first twenty. When Tommy pulls out the next one, and it doesn't say his or Sauli's names on the front, but 'Kennedy H.' with a date, that's when the confusion morphs into suspicion, which eventually leads to a dawning realization as they continue to pull out DVD after DVD, some with the same names appearing two, three, four, and more times.

   Tommy swallows hard, knowing with a sickening feeling deep inside of him that these are sex tapes. Of guys. Guys that Adam has slept with. Suddenly, he can't seem to breathe right.

   "Tommy," Sauli whispers, his voice barely audible, "where have I heard the name Drake before?" But he already knows the answer.

   Drake LaBry.

   Adam's ex-boyfriend.

   "What the fuck?" Tommy curses. He's no longer holding the DVDs, but pictures.

   "What?" Sauli asks, almost dreading the answer.

   Tommy slaps the picture down on the floor in front of Sauli, a disgusted, yet broken expression on his face. "Look."

   It's Adam. With a guy. In every picture. One guy. Someone they just met.

   Kris Allen.

   "What are we going to do?" Sauli whispers.

   "He's cheating on us," Tommy says. "I knew it."

   Even though he doesn't want to admit it, Sauli does. "We're not much better, Tommy," he replies softly.

   "That was one time, Sauli. One guy. Explain these," Tommy says, disgusted. He flings a hand at the DVDs scattered on the floor.

   "Maybe they're boyfriends from before he met us," Sauli says, knowing it's not so.

   "The dates are from this year, Sauli," Tommy discounts. His mouth a thin line, he begins picking up the cases, stacking them in his arm. "I'm watching these."

   Sauli's eyes widen. He follows Tommy out of the room.

   In Tommy's bat cave, they sit on the bed, waiting for the first DVD to load. When it pops up, Tommy clicks 'Play,' watching with a sickening feeling. The feeling worsens, deepening into anger as he watches a naked guy go down on his boyfriend, taking Adam's fully erected cock into his mouth, swallowing it. Tommy turns it off, not caring, nor needing, to see more.

   Tommy loads DVD after DVD into the computer, each one virtually the same. Adam with some guy, both of them naked, engaging in explicit sexual acts.

   Tommy recognizes none of then guys, except for Adam's ex, Drake. There are at least twelve DVDs, all titled Drake, with a different date. The most recent date is from a month ago.

   Tommy feels sick as he looks at Sauli. "He's fucking his ex-boyfriend. And my guess is that the other's are prostitutes."

   Pain flits across Sauli's face. "What are we going to do?"

   "For one thing," Tommy says fiercely, grasping Sauli's shoulders, "we are not going to let him know we know. Got that?"

   Sauli nods mutely. "Yes, Tommy."

   "I mean it, Sauli. You have to keep this hidden. He cannot know that we know!"

   "Okay!" Sauli shouts, tears starting to form in his eyes.

   Tommy pulls Sauli into him, hugging him tightly. "Just don't think about it. I know it's going to be hard. But you have to try, baby."

   Sauli nods again.

   "We'll get him, Sauli," Tommy says, already thinking of what he's going to do to Adam when he does tell him he knows what he has been doing.

   "Okay," Sauli repeats, wiping the tears from his eyes.

   They take the DVDs back to Adam's closet and are putting them back where they were when they hear the front door open and Adam yell, "Tommy? Sauli? I'm home!"


	18. Hearts And Homes Are Broken

**Title of the Series:** _Scars Make Us Who We Are_

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

**Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

**Pairing:** Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

**Rating:** MA18+

**Summary:** Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

**Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

**Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

 

 

** CHAPTER EIGHTEEN **

__

_Hearts and Homes Are Broken_

 

 

   "Tommy? Sauli?" Adam repeats when he gets no answer. "I'm home!" He kicks his shoes off, padding to the kitchen in his sock feet. Poking his head in the kitchen and seeing no one there, he continues to the other rooms on the first floor. He's just about to head up the stairs when a phone rings on the table beside the staircase. Picking it up, he sees that it's Tommy's phone. Seeing Isaac's name on the caller I.D., he answers it without thinking. "Hello?"

   "When can we see each other, Tommy? I want to fuck you so bad," Isaac whispers hotly, thinking he's talking to Tommy.

   Adam's stomach drops. _What the hell?_ "This isn't Tommy," Adam says coolly.

   Isaac is silent for a minute, obviously recognizing Adam's voice. "Oh, fuck," he mutters quietly. Louder, he says, "Adam. I think I have the wrong number."

   "No. I'm just answering Tommy's phone," Adam replies flatly, no emotion in his voice.

   "I gotta go," Isaac mumbles, hanging up.

   Adam swallows hard, realization dawning too quickly. He's not the only one with a secret boyfriend. The phone clutched in his hand, he walks quietly up the stairs. Passing by his office, he sees the door ajar. He stops. He _knows_ he locked that door before he left. That's when he notices the closet door is open. Adam goes into full panic mode. He knows then that his boyfriends found those DVDs in the bottom of his closet.

   Walking quickly down the hallway, he checks in each of the bedrooms, finding them all empty. When he gets to the door to Tommy's bat-cave, he jiggles the knob, finding it locked. Swearing, he knocks on the door. Several minutes pass without an answer, so he knocks again. Just as his fist comes down on the wood for the third time, the door flies open, revealing Tommy standing there. A strained expression is on his face.

   Adam pulls his boyfriend into his arms, Tommy's body completely limp and lifeless. "It doesn't mean anything, Tommy. I swear to the higher power that you don't believe in! It doesn't mean a thing! You and Sauli are all I care about! It was meaningless sex!"

   "Why do you have my phone." Tommy's voice is flat, devoid of emotion, not unlike how Adam's was not more than five minutes ago.

   "It was on the table downstairs. It rang. I picked it up. It was Isaac." Adam takes a breath before adding, "I know you're having sex with him."

   Tommy doesn't respond. Over on the bed, Sauli begins to cry quietly.

   "It doesn't have to be like this, Tommy," Adam says gently.

   "It doesn't have to be like what?" Tommy asks bitterly. "That you're an asshole? 'Cause it's a little too late for that. You can never take back what you've done, Adam."

   "Neither can you, Tommy," Adam says, his voice taking on a steely edge. "And I think you're just as much of an asshole."

   "At least I'm only fucking one person!" Tommy's voice rises several notches.

   "Who happens to be my employee!" Adam spits.

   "But you brought your newest toy home with you! You let him sleep in this house! You paraded him around in front of us like he was nothing more than a friend when you've been fucking him all along!" Tommy crosses his arms in front of him.

   "It _is_ my house!" Adam shouts. "I'm the one who pays the bills and the taxes! I think it's only fair that I'm allowed to let whoever I want stay here!"

   "Fuck you, Adam!" Tommy leans forward, getting right in Adam's face. "You've been fucking who knows how many men while you were dating me and Sauli! How long has it been going on? Since we started dating? What's your fucking problem?! Aren't we good enough! I feel like going down to the clinic to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases after I find out that you've been so unfaithful! You probably have AIDS by now!"

   Adam slaps him.

   Tommy's mouth falls open in shock. Tears start to form in his eyes. "How-how... DARE YOU!" he screeches, lunging at Adam.

   He doesn't get very far before Adam grabs him by the arms, holding him at a safe distance. "Don't. You. Dare," he growls between gritted teeth, giving Tommy a shake with each word.

   Tears spill down Tommy's cheeks as he yanks himself away from Adam. "Get away from me, you asshole!" He runs to the bed, taking Sauli, who's sobbing even harder, in his arms.

   "What is your fucking problem, Tommy?" Adam spits.

   "What is _my_ fucking problem?" Tommy hisses. "How about what is _your_ fucking problem sleeping with all these men?!"

   "It didn't mean anything!" Adam shouts. "I told you that!"

   "Then why the fuck did you do it?!" Tommy yells.

   "Adam!" Sauli sobs. "I'm sorry! I can't take it anymore! You're not the only one at fault! I-"

   Tommy cuts off Sauli's words with a hand across his mouth.

   "Let him talk," Adam says coldly.

   "Fuck you!" Tommy shouts.

   Tears are streaming down Sauli's face, getting Tommy's hand all wet. Tommy's hand is muffling Sauli's blubbering, but Adam can still hear it.

   "He can't breathe, Tommy!" Adam shouts, striding across the room. Before he can make a grab at his hand, Tommy pulls away.

   Sauli gasps for breath, crying harder when he can't catch his breath.

   "Come here, honey," Adam says, trying to take Sauli into his arms.

   "You're not touching him, you motherfucking son-of-a-cunt-faced-bitch!" Tommy screams.

   "You goddamned bitch!" Adam grabs Tommy's hair, giving it a yank. Tommy lets go of Sauli to claw at Adam's hand wrapped in his hair. Adam grabs Sauli, pulling him off the bed.

   "Bastard!" Tommy hisses.

   "What's wrong, Sauli?" Adam asks, trying to control his temper and the urge to grab Tommy and beat him until he's black-and-blue. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"

   "I cheated, too!" Sauli finally wails, his face streaked with tears. "Heikki isn't Saara's boyfriend! He's my ex! I fucked him in the guest bedroom while you were gone! And then I fucked Katri! All in the same night!" Sauli collapses in Adam's arms, sobbing into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Adam! I love you!" he cries into Adam's shirt.

   "Sauli! What the fuck is your problem?! He cheated on us! You saw the fucking tapes! Don't go crying to _him_!" Tommy spits the last word with so much venom, Sauli cowers back into Adam's shoulder, afraid.

   Then Adam finally sees all his DVDs that he so carefully hid scattered carelessly around the bed. He can't bring himself to care if they get broken, though. He's too angry and upset. He pulls Sauli close to him. How did this happen? They had a perfectly happy life together for three years. And now, they're all suddenly cheating on one another.

   "I fucking hate you, Adam! How could you do this to us! You've ruined everything!" Tommy shouts, tears in his eyes. He gets up from the bed, grabbing a duffel bag from his closet and throwing some things in.

   "Where are you going?" Sauli asks timidly, still crying.

   "Leaving. Either you're coming with me or you're staying here with this sleazebag!" Tommy spits. "I can't stay here for another minute knowing I'm sleeping with a grade-A whore!"

   Adam glares at Tommy, his mouth set in a grim line.

   Sauli starts sobbing again. "Don't leave, Tommy! Can't we work this out?"

   "There is no working anything out, Sauli!" Tommy hisses. "You saw what he was doing. Now are you going to forgive him or come with me so we can get the hell outta here?"

   With a very watery-eyed, upset look at Adam, Sauli goes to Tommy, wrapping his arms around his neck. "I'm coming."

   Tommy sneers at Adam in satisfaction. "Let's see how fun having sex with all those guys were now that you're losing your boyfriends." He spins sharply on his heel, walking out of the room.

   "Tommy! Don't do this!" Adam pleads to Tommy's retreating back. "Sauli! Please!"

   Sauli shakes his head helplessly. "I'm so sorry, Adam!" he whispers, before a new wave of sobs overtake him. He follows Tommy out the door, holding his face in his hands.

   Adam's face falls. This is not happening. This can't be happening. He rushes into the hall, walking quickly to his bedroom. Sauli is grabbing some of his clothes from the closet, jamming them into a bag. Adam stands in the doorway, watching him.

   Sauli finishes, walking up to Adam. He keeps his head down, refusing to look at his boyfriend.

   They stand there for a few a minutes, and when it's obvious Sauli isn't going to say anything, Adam moves out of the way, letting him pass. He follows the Finn to the stairs, saying to him when he's at the bottom of the staircase, "You don't have to leave, Sunshine. We can work this out."

   "Don't call me that," Sauli says, his voice breaking. He slips on his shoes, letting the front door slam behind him as he leaves.

   Adam runs to the window, watching as Sauli throws his bag into the backseat of Tommy's Mustang, then climbs into the front passenger seat. Tommy backs the car out of the driveway too fast, the tires squealing as he drives away.

   Adam leans against the wall, sinking to the floor. He knew this was going to happen. Yet he cheated on them anyway. And he only has himself to blame. He can't even be mad at either one of them for having sex with someone else because his crime was far worse. His head falls to his knees, and he sobs. He cries for Tommy, for Sauli, and for what he's done to hurt both of them so greatly. He doesn't know if they will ever forgive him. And the thought of losing both of them for good is too great of a pain to bear.

 

**TO BE CONTINUED...**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
